For a long time everything (mixers, minutes, skits, and run-ons) was called a "skit". Well, these are the actual skits. They are done mostly by leaders and traditionally cause a lot of laughs. They need a lot of work, practice, and preparation before you ever get to club.

1. Rindercella And The Prandsome Hince Skit(origional ending)

Once upon a time in a coreign fountry ther was a geautiful birl, whose name was Rindercella. And Rindercella had a mugly other and two sigly usters. Also in this coreign fountry there was a prandsome hince and the prandsome hince was going to have bancy fall.

Rindercella’s mugly other and her two sigly usters went out and bought dancy fresses for he bancy fall but poor Rindercella couldn’t go because she had nothing but rirty dags. So on the night of the bancy fall, Rindercella’s mugly other and her two sigly usters put on their dancy fresses and went to the bancy fall. And since poor Rindercella couldn’t go she cat down and sried.

Suddenly, her gairy fodmother appeared before her and touched her with her wagic mond and turned her into a peautiful brincess and then gave her a kig boach and hix sorces so Rindercella could go to the bancy fall. So off went Rindercella. When she got to the bancy fall the prandsome hince met her at the door. He had watched her come up in her kig boach and hix sorses from a widden hindow.

Rindercella and the prandsome hince danced all night long and the prandsome hince lell in fove with Rindercella. When the prandsome hince was just about to quop the prestion, Rindercella heard the moke of stridnight so she turned, straced down the rairs and when she got to the stottom blep she slopped her dripper.

The next day the prandsome hince went all over his coreign fountry looking for the geautiful birl who had slopped her dripper. When he go to Rindercella’s house he tried it on her mugly other, but it fidnt dit! He tried it on her two sigly usters but it fidnt dit. And he tried it on Rindercella and it fid dit! So they were mappily harried and lived appily ever hafter. Ehe Thend!

2. Rindercella And The Prandsome Hince Skit (Young Life Moral Ending)

Once upon a time in a pall smillage lived a prettle litty girl named Rindercella. Rindercella lived in a hall smouse with her mep-stother and her three sigly usters. Rindercella wanted to go to the bancy fall at the castle of the prandsome hince, but her three sigly usters made Rindercella flop the moors and hay at stome. (said with sadness…) After the three sigly usters had gone to the bancy fall, a gairy fodmother appeared and told Rindercella she could go the the bancy fall too. She waved her wagic mond and made Rindercella a dretty press and some little slass grippers. Then she turned a cumpkin into a poach and four hats into roarses. But she had to be home when the strock cluck 12.

When Rindercella arrived at the sastle in her dretty prittle press the prandsome hince lell in fove with her. Boy were her three sigly usters mad…wow!! Then the prandsome hince and Rindercella pranced and pranced (demonstrate stupidly) all evening, but when the strock cluck 12 she ran down the steps into the night. But the prandsome hince had noticed that Rindercella had slopped her dripper!

The prandsome hince knew if he could find the gretty pirl whose tootsy would fit the dripper, he would find his love. (Suspenseful….) Meanwhile, the gairy fodmother was so mad Rindercella had slopped her dripper she turned Rindercella into a rat and put her in the cumpkin! The prandsome hince came to their hall smouse and made the three sigly usters try on the dripper. Unfortunately, Matilda, the third of the three sigly usters fit the dripper. There was nothing left for the prandsome hince to do but to barry Matilda, and they lived hunhappily ever ufter (sadly). The storal of the mory is…when you go to a bancy fall, don’t slop your dripper!

3. Herman The Trained Flea Skit

The trainer has a flea do various tricks, when suddenly he loses Herman. After searching for a while, a girl is brought forth who has the flea in her hair. The punch line is, "He wait a minute, this isn’t Herman!"

4. Pick Pocket Skit

"Freddy Fingers and Hands Harry" meet and embrace each other. They tell where they’ve been in the last few years (like what prisons they were in, etc.), and as they say goodbye, one says to the other, "Oh you may want this." He gives him back his watch. The exchange of articles that they have picked up from each other until one of them hands back the other’s pair of boxers!

5. Coke Commercial Skit

Have one person standing, holding an unopened coke bottle, the next fellow holding a bottle opener, the other two doing nothing. The skit opens with the first examining the bottle very closely, then he passes it on to the next. He opens the bottle and passes it on to the third person, he/she guzzles the entire thing and passes empty bottle to the next person. The last person looks at the empty bottle with a sick look and burps as loud as he can.

6. Granny’s Candy Store Skit

Paint verbal picture of the various kids acting as three chairs, etc. in Granny’s store. Have three guys standing there, but with no parts to play. Have several kids come dressed up as five-year olds. They ask granny for licorice, and she regretfully tells them she has none, they ask for several other kinds of candy and each time she says she just ran out. Finally, disgustedly, the little kids ask what kind she does have, and she says all she has left is these three suckers standing over here in the corner.

7. Statue In The Park Skit

The skit begins with one person posing as a statue in the park (the thinker or the discus thrower). Another person introduces himself as Prof. Arthritic Kneecap, of the Univ. of Amputation and Mutilation. After a long study he has discovered a way to revitalize the calcium deposited in joints of the human body, the painful and crippling effect of arthritis. In fact his solution will bring life to almost any old lump of calcium. "Even this old statue" He pours the bottle on the statue’s head. Slowly it comes to life. Statue: "boy, I’ve been standing like that for 1500 years." Professor: "What is the first thing you want to do?" Statue: Kill 5000 pigeons with my bare hands!"

8. "The Game" Skit

Perhaps you didn’t know it, but for the past 25 years, (your town) has been the scene of a momentous occasion. In truth, this epic of the Old West has been going on for much more than a mere quarter century. We must go back to the thrilling era of yesteryear, when great herds of buffalo grazed the plains and bandits held up stage coaches. Yes, for many years in the boom town, now ghost town of Hudsonville, six men brought together by circumstances too unbelievable to believe — got ready to begin on an adventure that would strike fear into the hearts of men everywhere — and the adventure was called… THE GAME!

Every year these initial players played again in the same town this terrible game only they knew so well. Now the descendants of those men still keep alive the tradition sacred to their hearts by meeting once a year playing…THE GAME!

You have probably figured out by now that tonight, yes tonight, is the night that these men will meet and tonight here at (your place), honored for the past 25 years by the players as their playing ground, will be played the most fantastic game. It is truly the most amazing phenomenon of the age…THE GAME! Truly it is a game of crime, of mystery, yes, even of death!

First there was Gaylord Ravenal — the notorious Mississippi Riverboat Gambler. For him, to win and lose a whole stake in one evening of pleasure is strictly commonplace. He is sly, underhanded and deadly with a pistol. Through the years many prizes have crossed the table his way, tonight he has traveled many miles at great expense for the sole purpose of defending his reputation. (Comes in; fixes gun, has cigarette in mouth, shuffles the cards, and then misses). Second there was Honest Tom Foolery — the sheriff from Cut-up Creek. Old Tom is one of the best sheriffs money can buy. Tom never runs from trouble. But of course, he never looks for it either. Tom is a friend of gunmen, gamblers, train-robbers, horse thieves and claim jumpers; he also has many enemies as a result of…THE GAME! (Acts cocky, steps up to bar, watches Gaylor…orders drink, gets it poured all over him.)

Fourth there is Just Plain Bill — This is a man as hard as the rocks he digs. We would like to say more, but we can’t because he is just plain Bill. (Stumbles in, acts out of it.) He has come for THE GAME!

Fifth there is Injun Joe — the last of the famous Apaches, one of Geronimo’s right hand braves. Strong, silent, ruthless, and just plain mean. The scalps of many men have hung from his belt, some of them gathered in…THE GAME! (Comes in and sits down, looks mean. Gaylord deals cards here. Bartender pours drinks.)

And finally, there is Dirty Bert — dirtier than the dirtiest dirt. He was reared by a grizzly bear, educated by a coyote, whips his horse with a rattle snake. A ripsnorting, gun slinging, fist fighting, tough skinned galloot. Most feared hombre west of Pecos. He’s been in so many wars that he is known in these parts as Pin Cushion Pete. (Comes in, brushes off dirt — then pulls arrows out of body, looks at everyone’s cards, then knocks Manual Labor off chair after taking his cards — when Manual Labor pulls knife, Gaylord shoots him; bartender drags him out.)

Cards are re-dealt.

Then Just Plain Bill starts by sneaking cards. Injun Joe cuts off his hand, when Bill goes for Joe, Gaylord shoots Bill — Bartender drags him out.

Gaylord then hypnotizes Injun Joe and takes the cards he wants form him, then wakes him up (bartender keeps pouring drinks and while watching game, pours drink on Honest Tom Foolery’s head).

Dirty Bert points out toward imaginary object and while all are looking, he takes all cards in the middle of the table.

Start with Injun Joe and each man gambles more and more, upping with more money and then objects until finally someone calls. Then, one at a time each man puts down his cards until Dirty Bert finally lays down his last card and yells (frustrated) "Oh man, I’m the Old Maid again this year!" (Use whatever kids game kids in club would know).

9. Peanut Whistlers Skit

Take a large piece of cardboard and make tall top hats (to cover head arms and chest) Guys take off shirts draw faces on stomachs (belly buttons as mouths) Put shirts on waists and shorts below that. Play music with whistling (Globe-Trotters, middle of Walk like an Egyptian by the Go Go’s) and let the dance through the room.

10. Motorcycle Gang Skit

Turn off the lights and 4 or 5 people come in and lie on their backs, on floor (heads toward crowd) with their arms up in the air, and each havine a round stick or dowel covered with tinfoil for the handlebars. They are the bikes. "Bad To The Bone" plays as a ‘motorcycle gang’ walks in they sit on the ‘bikes’ knees and use kazoos to simulate motorcycle sounds. They all lean left, right, wheelie in sync. When they finish, they all say together, "Mom, can we have another quarter?"

11. Toucharama Skit

This is a ride where you watch the movie on the screen and really feel the action. One guy walks out and girl in lab coats who stand behind a chair. Meanwhile the announcer pulls up a planted volunteer. The kid sits down in the chair, puts on 3D glasses and stares ahead as if watching a movie behind the crowd. A guy and girl read a movie story line backstage over microphones while the lab coats help make it "live’ to the volunteer. For example, "Oh Jim I’ve missed you so much I just want to hug you" (Lab coat hugs him). You may kiss, slap, throw water on, the volunteer to make the most of their experience. The volunteer may even ham it up and when they begin to fight, root for them to make up; then they make up, get sick.

12. Foreign Exchange Student Skit

You need someone who can speak a foreign language very fluently. It sometimes is fun if you have a real foreign exchange student at club to have them play it up. Explain that you the leader are excited to make YL for everybody, and thought that it may be best to have a foreign exchange student come and share their thoughts on YL. You will ask the questions and translate for the crowd. Bring in your non-English-speaking student and ask them things like…"How do you like the music at club?" Have the student rant and rave, holding there nose, rambling about how awful it is and when they are finished, you smiling, tell the crowd they loved it. Continue until the student gets mad and walks out.

13. Coke’s Fine Dining Campaign Skit

This is a quick commercial: "And now ladies and gentlemen, a word from our sponsor. With the successful marketing of the Arch Deluxe for adults, Coca-Cola now turns its advertising to a more mature fine dining audience. "Coca Cola — the choice of a mature generation." 2 couples enter in tuxes and prom gowns. The first girl: pulls out a bottle of Coke; hands it to the next guy in line; he pulls out a handkerchief; twists the cap and hands it to the next girl; she in very lady like fashion guzzles down whole bottle; and hands the empty to the last guy who belches.

14. Spittoon Boy Skit

Three hillbillies acting like they are chewing begin to brag about their spitting prowess. One spits for speed, one for distance and one for power. They decide to have a contest and call out Spittoon Boy (guy enters wearing rain slicker, boots, hat, goggles, and carrying a coffee can). They each back him up more and spit for distance. He flicks the can each time as if the spit landed in it. The last guy even sends him out side, down the street (he comes back amazed.) Now for speed, he flicks the can, he flicks it faster, the third time he flicks before the guy spits. Now for power, he flicks and falters a bit. He flicks and falters more, third time he flicks and spills it (water) all over crowd.

15. You Gotta Try This! Skit

A family is sitting around the table getting ready to eat. A kid comes running in and hits his toe on the table. "Oh, this hurts so much! I’ve never stubbed my toe this hard, I think its broke." He carries on and says "You gotta try this and see what I mean! It hurts!" They all get up and try it. Another family member takes a bite of dinner and burns their mouth. They spit it out screaming how hot it is and carrying on and says, "You all got to try this!" They all do, screaming and burning. Another takes a swig of some lumpy old sour milk carrying on how disgusting it is saying, "You got to try some of this!" They do and behave similarly. Scene ends when someone comes in saying "Oh man, I just got hit by a bus, every one of my ribs are broken and I have internal bleeding,! You gotta try this!" they all run out and scream with screeching tires.

16. Little Nemo Skit

This can be done in a doorway. You need two sheets, a table, shorts, shoes, big shirt and two people­one with long arms. The front person is the face and legs placing hands into shoes. The back person is the arms by reaching around the front person and through slits in back of shirt then out the sleeves. One sheet hides the legs under the table and other sheet hides the back person. You may want a third sheet to place in front of them and pull it over their heads so they can get in and out unnoticed. Nemo can be prepared for a date (brush teeth, comb hair, shave­remove blade from razor). Also do exercises. Dancing with a strobe light helps. Practice!

17. Little Mobile Nemo Skit

This skit works great with Christmas elves or little UPS people (people that carry lots of packages). Here is how it works: this is a single uniform for one person. The person puts a long sleeve shirt over their head, but puts their arms down through the shirt (not in the sleeves). The sleeves must be stuffed to look full, safety pin gloves to the arms as well. Then, put shorts with high socks or pants and shoes on their arms so that they will look like the legs (much like Little Nemo). Pin the shorts or pants to the shirt, throw on an elf hat and you begin to see the littler Nemo.

Then the person kneels down in the middle of a dark-colored king size sheet or blanket with their entire body on the blanket, but their "arms-now legs for the creature" are outside the sheet.

Throw a pillow or two on their legs (their real legs) and then wrap their real legs and body and pillows up into a bundle and pull the tie portion of the bundle over their shoulder and pin it to their fake hands (also pull the sheet up under their fake legs and pin it on their shirt in back for better support as well). Now with their hands, and then dragging their body in what looks to be a big sack.

Remind then to keep their shoulders back and head up for good posture and appearance. Do whatever you want with them, just keep in mind that they have no way to move their fake arms.

18. Water Shortage At The Frat House Skit

This is a "picture if you will" skit of a water shortage at a local frat house. The scene opens with a glass of water on a table with a sign that reads, "water out of order, this is the last glass." Guys enter one at a time all in jammies as if it is a mirror and do different things with water. First guy combs hair dipping in and out of cup, second guy cleans ears (fake it but have flour on the Q-tip to cloud water), third guy rinses and spits toothpaste (frosting), fourth guy shaves (whipped cream), fifth guy comes in to take aspirin and drinks the water!

19. Dirty Socks/Laundry Detergent Skit

This is a TV commercial. Get a pair of white socks with chocolate syrup all over them to make them look dirty. Fill two different detergent bottles with milk and food coloring. Wash the socks and compare the results. Both clean the same so drink the "water" to see which tastes better.

20. Wind Beneath My Wings Skit

This may be a good skit for two seniors to have some fun with you. We have used it to kick off a senior skit night as a Saturday Night Live like opening. Explain to the crowd the tradition and incredible meaning of this night, and how you and two other seniors have chosen a very serious song to kick things off that you feel will set the tone for the show. They come and stand on either side of you very serious, and you begin to play the guitar. You all begin to sing, "It must have been cold there in my shadow" (as you finish the line they break in "You’re as cold as ice…" and throw ice down you back). You yell at them and they apologize, you reluctantly go on. "To never have sunlight on your face" (They break off into Sunshine On My Shoulders as they shine big flashlights in your eyes). You chew them out more, then go on. "You were always one step behind" (You may have them de-pants you, with some great shorts on underneath, or smack a kick me sign on your behind…pointing and singing Moon River). Same scenario, you go on keeping your eyes on them. "You’re everything I wish I could be." You turn defensively only to have them looking innocently back at you. You go on big, "You are the wind beneath my wings!" They lift your arms and use hair dryers on you. You explode for a final time and ask them, "Why are you doing this? What do you think this is?" They look at one another and yell, "Live from Hudsonville, it’s Monday night!" Lights out, Saturday Night Live music on.

21. Olympic Nose Blowing Skit

This idea is to mock Olympic announcing. You must have funny hosts. Have a Bryant Gumball host and a Mary Lou Retna commentator to go along with him. They talk about Olympic nose blowing and comment on your first contestant (in a gymnastics uniform, loosening up, chalking the hands). You can talk about how she blew out a nostril on her last blow and really shouldn’t be competing but the team may need this to win the gold. Great comments like, "Would you look at the nostrils on her, Mary. I bet kissing her is like double dating a two car garage." "It’s snot really possible to get a perfect 10 here." You may want to bring in judges. She picks up hankie, hobbles on one leg, gets a score, wins, whatever. Announcers can toss to end skit, "and to Bruce Jenner and company for a look at the indoor javelin catching competition."

22. Talk Show Travesty Skit

Here’s your chance to mock the favorite daytime talk show trash of your choice. Do it up like any show you wish. Today your guests are students who their whole life have only used one word. One guest female only say "OK" (flightily) to everything, one large tough guy only says "dude," and a third burnout guy only says "whoa." You begin with the girl. Questions are like: What has life been like for you? How do you communicate with your parents? How do you do in school?" She answers these with some undertones to each OK. Your host mentions that peer pressure sure must be tough in today’s school. Would she jump off a bridge if her friends did? She hesitates with a thoughtful face, then perks up dizzily and says OK. Next you work on the burnout "whoa" guy. Ask him questions about how he feels about things. For example, what do you think about your life? How does your girlfriend feel about this? What do you feel when kids pick on you? He answers each with undertones to match his whoas. Finally you work on the "dude." He answers each similar question with an attitude or excitement depending on the question. The interviewer is concerned that these people can’t really communicate so he goes to the audience with questions. Kids planted in the audience ask the dud guy what he’d do if someone stole his bike. He grabs a chair and swings it around while yelling violently "dude!" The kid with the questions shakes his head and says "right on man! I hear you!" The interviewer shrugs his shoulders and says he wants to watch each of he guys ask the girl out on a date. Dude guy turns to her and says real romantically and with the nod of a head to the door "dude." She looks lovingly at him and sighs "OK." Dude guy acts all cocky then. Whoa boy then turns to her and caresses her cheek and says whoa real intensely. She sighs and reaches for his hand and says "OK." He smiles and she moves closer to him. Dude guy comes over to whoa boy and says toughly "Dude!" Whoa boy acts all scared and says "whoa, whoa" defensively. Soon they scuffle and dud guy picks up whoa boy and tosses him out. He leaves yelling "whoa." Dude turns to OK girl and offers his hand. She takes it and say "OK!" They walk off happily together. Your host wraps up and tells them to tune in tomorrow for more.

23. Commercial Skits

Any commercial can be fair game for a one-timer skit. Keep your eyes open. For example, mocking the milk commercials have worked well. Also, we have used a little puppet with a kid’s face screened on like the Nike Little Penny Hardaway commercials.

24. Da Tre Berrese Skit

(an Italian Fairy Tale)

Uans oppona taim ues tre Berrese. Mama berre, Papa berre, e Bebi berre live ine contri nire foresta…naise aus.

Unno dai, pappa, mama, e bebi go tuda biche anie forghette locha di dorre. Bai en bai commese Goldilachese. Schi garra nattinghe tudo batta meiche troble.

Schi puschie olle fudde daon di naute. No leve cromme. Dan schi gos appesterese enne slipse in alle beddse…leise slobbe!

Bai enne bai commese omme de tre berrese. Alle sonnebrande enne sandinna scius. Dei garra no fudde; garra no beddse en wara dei goine due to Goldilachese? Tro erre inne strit? Colle pullisemenne? Fette cienze! Dei vas Italian berres!

Goldilachese stei derra tre unniddase. Schi etta aute auseun homme. Ongusta becose dei asche erra to meiche de beddse schi sai "go jumpe in di lache!" enne runne omma criane tu erra mam, tellen erre vat sansigunses di tre berres vor!

Vatsi use? Varrjugoine du? Go complieneto sittiole?

De ende!

25. Irate Neighbor Skit

(For this skit to work, you need to have the angry neighbor be played by an adult who the kids do not know. A good idea is a man on your committee. It's crucial that no kid recognizes this guy, though.) First appearance: angry neighbor knocks on the door loudly, claiming a car is parking his driveway (which is a leaders car, and they go out to move it) Angry neighbor is slightly ticked off, and asks for everybody to try and hold it down a little. Second appearance: after a song (preferably a loud one), angry neighbor knocks again louder, and is angry because of the noise. He asks who's in charge of this, and a leader tries to calm him down. The neighbor says stuff like he just got home from a long day at work, and he can't relax with all the noise. He's a little louder this time, and a little more confrontational. After the leader reassures the angry neighbor, he leaves. By this time, the kids probably can't believe what a jerk this guy is. Third and last appearance: a few minutes later, during one more really loud song, (or a loud game, or anything loud) he busts in the door, and gets right in the leaders face, poking him in the chest, telling him he's going to call the police if he doesn't shut this "meeting" down immediately. Then, the leader starts to get mad back. He reaches behind something, (a counter or anything) and produces a cream pie and smashes it in the face of the angry neighbor, then grabs him by his shirt and throws him out the door. The kids either are hooting and hollering, or are freaked out that the leader would actually do something like that. Next, (and this is important) the leader brings the angry neighbor back in, and tells everybody it's all a gag. This skit is a great way to introduce the kids to a guy on committee (who doesn't mind getting thrashed), and also show another adult who loves YL and kids. Remember: if one kid knows about it early, it'll probably blow the whole thing. You can't do this very often, not even once a year, because a kid will probably remember it, and then pipe up during club. Have fun!

26. Who’s On First Skit

This is an Abbot And Costello skit. You will need to memorize the script and baseball uniforms work well for this one.

27. Bus Stop Skit

You will need the Lion Sleeps Tonight music, costumes, pick pocket set up, and a bus stop scene. All of the leaders can be in this one. Everyone is sitting at the bus stop, waiting for the bus. Two people with trench-coats on are also there. These two get into a conversation about how every day they all come to the same bus stop but never interact. One starts singing the Lion Sleeps Tonight song, the other person joins in, gradually everyone is doing it until they are all dancing around singing. One person says that the bus is there, and the group acts like they are getting on (leaving the room). The first two people stay back and start pulling things out of there jacket asking each other what they got (they were pick-pocketing all the others while they were dancing).

28. Grecian Urn Skit

You will need togas, water, and music. 4 or five people spit water in a ballerina type fashion making a human fountain while going along with the music. It works well for each person to have a pitcher of water.

29. Lone Ranger Skit

You will need 4 hats, 4 guns, 2 masks, lighters, costumes, and the radio story. Plus the radio story needs to be memorized.

30. King And Queen Skit

You will need two people, costumes for a king, queen, princess, gatekeeper, suitor, and the script memorized.

31. We Are The World Skit

You will need uniforms for everyone and the song. Play the song with all of your leaders acting out and lip-synching the different parts.

32. Chair Wrestling Skit

You will need a folding chair, wrestling singlet, headgear, music, and a strobe light. The wrestler will come into the room as if entering a big prize-fight, with the folding chair up front. After the wrestler gets into his wresting stance the lights go down and the strobe light comes on as the wrestling begins. Go through a few moves (be sure to include holding the chair above your head and bringing it back down with a big slam) and end either with the chair or the wrestler winning — however you want it.

33. YMCA Skit

You will need 5 people for the Indian, cowboy, police, construction worker and army guy.

34. Junior Class Play Skit

You will need four people for the doctor, director, mother and child.

Mother: (enters sweeping the floor)

Son: (comes in the room holding his stomach) Mother, I’ve been shot.

Mother: Oh, my son.

Son: I think I will die mother.

Mother: Oh, son you must not do that. I will call the doctor. (She picks up the phone.) Doctor, Doctor do come quickly, my son has been shot and is dying.

Doctor: (enters immediately as mother hangs up the phone)

Mother: Where have you been, this is an emergency.

Doctor: I had an emergency appendectomy after you called, but I got here as soon as I could.

Son: I feel sick.

Mother: You look sick.

Doctor: You ARE SICK.

Son: I think I will die.

Mother: You must not die.

Doctor: He is dead.

Director: Cut, cut, cut…

First time: Have all the actors read the script with no feeling or emotion. Then the director stops the scene and says there must be more emotion…

Second time: Do it with wild emotion; it’s the saddest thing ever done…weeping and wailing, with very pronounced actions. The director stops again, saying that that was a little too much sadness, this time make it a little lighter…

Third time: It is now very, very funny. Laugh until it hurts.

You can add other variations, such as a hippie (he needs more social identity, etc.) Costumes and props are key.

35. Light And Fluffy Skit

You will need two people, whipped cream, water, and costumes. They go back and forth asking each other if they like light and fluffy, in their ear, on their nose, on their head, in their shorts, etc. until there is whipped cream everywhere. In between they sing the "light and fluffy song", "Light and fluffy, we like light and fluffy, light and fluffy, we like light and fluffy" while dancing around. They finish by cleaning each other off by dumping water all over each other.

36. 2001 Bowling, Golf and Baseball Skits

You will need 3 people, the 2001 Space Odyssey theme song, strobe light, golf ball, baseball, and bowling costumes. These are really three skits with the same idea. In each one the lights are out and the strobe light comes on, with the theme song from the 2001 Space Odyssey on loudly. Then two people go through a scene of golfing or baseball or bowling, using the music for dramatic effect.

37. Pass It Down Skit

You will need 4 males and 3 females, popcorn, candy bar, pop and one nerd costume. Have five chairs up front representing a movie theater with 2 of the guys and one female sitting watching a movie. The next two characters come in dressed in very nerdy costumes and acting as if they are out on a date. The guy is carrying popcorn, candy bar, and the pop. They notice that there are only two seats left so one person sits on one end, and the other on the other end. The guy takes out the candy bar, takes a bite, and then asks the next person to pass it down to his date. The people in the middle continue to pass the candy bar down, but each takes a bite so that it is gone by the time it gets down to the date. The same thing happens with the popcorn and the pop. Then, the first guy tries to put his arm around the person sitting next to him, and then asks him/her to "pass it down" which they do. The guy next to the nerdy girl does it, she kind of likes it, and he leaves his arm there. The first guy starts to get upset, but then passes down a kiss, which makes it’s way all the way down the line. The last two "kiss passionately" (hand over mouth type). The first guy goes crazy, but the last two walk out together.

38. M&M Commercial Skit

You will need two people, M&M’s, chocolate syrup, dresses, white gloves, and an announcer costume.

39. Howdy Buckeroo Skit

If the leaders in your group have a tough time memorizing lines, this skit might be perfect for them. Four characters are needed; a mechanical quick-draw cowboy dressed in full cowboy garb, two warehouse employees dressed appropriately and a third employee. Only the mechanical quick-draw cowboy need remember any lines. They should be spoken in a mechanical manner: "Howdy Buckaroo. So you think you can beat me, eh? Put on the holster at my feet and on the count of three, draw! Are you ready? One...two...three!"

The only props you will need are tow gun-and-holster sets, one of which should be loaded with blanks.

The play begins with the two warehouse employees rolling in the mechanical slot-machine "cowboy" for storage. The extra gun-and-holster set is placed at the feet of the mechanical "cowboy".

The third employee walks in and seeing the robot, decides to try his luck. He reads the instructions printed on the chest of the mechanical man and then places a quarter in the slot. The robot winds up and gives the memorized spiel. The employee is unable to pick up the extra gun and holster set because it’s trapped under the boot of the mechanical cowboy. He panics and turns to run as the robot counts to three and shoots the employee.

Not to be outdone, the employee lifts the robot’s leg and puts on the gun set before inserting another quarter. He even practices his quick-draw skills several times. Feeling quite secure with himself, he insets another quarter. The message is repeated but this time the gun sticks in the holster and again he is shot.

For the final attempt, the employee pulls his gun, stands to the side and holds his gun to the robot’s head and inserts another quarter. The robot repeats the message except that this time the mechanical cowboy winds down in the middle of "two". The employee bangs on the robot a couple of times to get him moving again, but no response. Disgusted, he takes off the gun, sets his down at the robot’s feet and turns to walk off. The robot continues suddenly with the rest of the pre-recorded message, says "three" and shoots the employee.

40. William Tell or Bahamian Rhapsody Skit

You will need all of your leaders, costumes (garbage bags maybe), a conductor costume, and music. Play the song with different people or groups of people acting like they are playing the different instruments, with a conductor out front. At the end everyone falls into a pile.

41. Dueling Nostils

You will need 2 people, penlights, and the Dueling Banjos song off from the soundtrack of the movie Deliverance. Two people come in very seriously, dressed in concert costumes (maybe tuxedos), and instrument cases. They set their cases down, open then up, and then pull out Q-tips. They clean out their noses with the Q-tips, and then put the penlights up into their noses, which is the cue for the lights to go out and the music to start. They then go back and forth with one person following the guitar and the other following the banjo, lighting up the lights which makes their noses glow red. After the song is done they very seriously pack up their things and leave the room.

42. The Fly In The Library Skit

You will need 4 people and someone to make the fly noise in the background, a book, flour, a glass and a librarian costume. Play baseball, do CPR, and then high 5 the fly with someone in the back making the fly noises into a microphone.

43. If I Were Not In Young Life Skit

You will need 5 people. Possible characters are: an undertaker, birdwatcher, farmer, surfer, stewardess, ice cream maker, Mac D’s Worker, Post, ballerina, etc. The song goes, "If I were not in Young Life, I know just what I’d be. If I were not in Young Life, a ____________ I would be. And each person in turn jumps in and does his or her character all in rhythm.

Undertaker: Well, well, well, you never can tell, if their going to heaven or if their going to…Well, well, well

Birdwatcher: Hark, a lark, flying through the park, splat

Farmer: Come on Bessy give, the baby’s got to live!

Surfer: Hey, Dave, totally awesome wave!

Stewardess: Here’s your coffee, here’s your tea, here’s your paper bag, blahh!

Ice Cream Maker: Ushy Gushy, ushy gushy, good ice cream.

Post: A post, a post, a post. A post, a post, a post.

Balleriana: Tippy, tippy toe, tippy toe, tippy toe

44. Contagious Ward Skit

You will need 6 people, pregnant woman costume and a nurse costume. The room is set up like a doctor’s office with a nurse at the desk. The first person comes in and says that they have an appointment to see the doctor and sits down. The second person comes in sneezing like crazy, says that they have an appointment and then sits down. Gradually the first person starts to sneeze and the second person sneezes less and less, until only the first person is sneezing. The second person notices that he/she isn’t sneezing anymore and then walks out. Another person comes in coughing uncontrollably, says that they have an appointment, and then sits down. Gradually the first person starts to cough (while still sneezing) and the third person coughs less and less, until only the first person is coughing (and sneezing). The third person notices that he/she isn’t coughing anymore and then walks out. The same thing happens with someone who is itching all over, until finally a pregnant woman walks in. The first person screams and runs out of the room.

45. Mother Skit

You will need two people, the memorized script, diapers, bibs, and bonnets.

46. Hiccup Skit

You may sell this one as a time to think back about a time when you had the hiccups. Lights go off and back on (a little you sits in a chair facing club and hiccuping). Frustrated with the hiccuping you say aloud that you wish you could get rid of them. In back of you a person dressed in a mask, bandanna, or something like that sneaks up to try to scare you. Just as he/she is about to scare you, you shout, "I know, I’ll drink some water!" You jump up and the guy/girl behind dives the other way to avoid being seen (remember to keep hiccuping).

You come back with a glass of water, take a sip, but hiccup really hard and throw the water behind you onto the guy/girl as they began sneaking up on you again. Just as he/she is about to pounce on you again you stand and yell, "I know, I’ll stand on my head!"

You try this but hiccup again while upside down. Same scenario, you try to breathe in paper bag…as he/she gets close you pop it in frustration and he/she grabs their ears like you just made them deaf.

Finally after he/she regroups, they sneak up on you for the last time and you turn and scream at him/her. He/she jumps and you laugh and then realize you’ve lost your hiccups and leave excited.

The scared guy/girl gets up, takes off his/her mask, looks at the crowd, and hiccups. You may also do this in reverse by remembering back to the time you wanted to help someone with their hiccups.

47. The Bucket Trick SkitThis is one you play on the entire group. You need one helper. Announce that you have a bucket of water from the fountain of youth. (Or any story that you want to make up.) Have a volunteer take a drink of water (he is your clued-in helper.) The bucket is brought in, and the audience can't see inside it, but it is really a bucket of rice or confetti with a dipper sticking out of it. Inside the dipper is some water. The outside of the dipper must be dry so that no rice will stick to it. You take the dipper out of the bucket, pour the water into a glass, and the volunteer drinks it. He waits, starts acting like a two year old, grabs the bucket, and throws it's contents all over the audience.

47. The Stand In SkitCharacters:1. Director (wearing a beret, scarf, dark glasses, etc.)2. Camera Man (with a "movie camera" of some kind. Try using an old fashioned meat grinder on a tripod to look like a camera.)

3. Make Up Man (with a sack of and a powder puff)

4. The Hero (handsome, dressed in white)

5. The beautiful girl

6. Bartender (or soda jerk...)

7. The Sucker (the stand-in)

The skit begins with an apparent movie-making set-up. The hero is sitting in a chair, next to the girl, getting ready to kiss her, and the camera man is moving around taking pictures, the director is directing the action, apparently intrigued with the whole thing, as he has never seen a real movie set before. He walks in front of the "camera" and interrupts the action.

SUCKER: Wow, a real movie. I wish I could be in a movie

DIRECTOR: (in rage) CUT! CUT! You! Get out of here! You've just ruined a perfect take!. Beat it! Scram!

SUCKER: (runs off disappointed) Shucks. I sure wish I could be a movie star.

DIRECTOR: (thinks a second) Hey! Wait a minute! You! (points to the sucker) Do you want to be in a movie? I think we can use you! (he whispers to the hero something and they both smile.)

SUCKER: (overjoyed) Really! Wow! I'm a star! Oh boy! Where do I start? Where are my lines?...

DIRECTOR: Just wait a minute and we'll show you.

The action continues, and the hero sits again by the girl, says a bunch of mushy things to her, and then starts to kiss her. When he does, the brings back her hand to slap the hero's face...

DIRECTOR: Cut! O.K., bring in the stand-in! (The sucker takes the place of the hero in the chair) Make-up! (The make-up man comes in and throws a bunch of flour in the sucker's face.) Action!

The sucker starts to kiss the girl and she slaps him across the face so hard that he falls over backwards in his chair.

DIRECTOR: Cut! Great! All right let's have scene two...Action!

The hero crawls along the floor, crying "Water, water, give me some water..."

DIRECTOR: Cut! Bring in the stand-in! (He comes in and takes the hero's place) Make-up! (Make-up man throws more flour in his face.) Action! Roll-em!

The sucker crawls along the ground and yells "water." An off-stage helper brings in a big bucket of water and dumps it all over him.

DIRECTOR: Cut! Perfect! All right, let's have scene three...Action!

The hero walks up to a bar and orders some milk. The bartender gives him some milk and he drinks it. Then he orders some pie. The bartender says, "Do you really want some pie?" The hero says, "Yeah, give me some pie." The bartender reaches for some pie...

DIRECTOR: Cut! Bring in the stand in! (The sucker enters looking pretty bewildered at the whole thing)... make up... (He gets more flour in the face)... action!

The sucker stands at the bar, demands the pie, and the bartender throws the pie (big cream pie) in his face.

DIRECTOR: Cut...Perfect... Tremendous! ... Well, that's it for today!

Everybody leaves, leaving the stand-in with a puzzled look on his face. He shrugs his shoulders and walks off stage.

48. The PsychiatristThis is a skit that requires two persons: the psychiatrist and his patient. The scene is the doctor's office. The only props needed are a couch (for the patient to lie down on) and a chair for the doctor. The skit begins with a knock on the doctor's door, and he answers it.

MAN: Oh, ah, hello there... are you Dr. Kaseltzer, the psychiatrist?

DOC: Yes I am, and that will be 20 dollars. What other questions can I help you with?

MAN: Well my name is Mr. Gaspocket... I have an appointment.

DOC: Oh yes, what's the nature of your problem?

MAN: Well I'm trying to break - bark!- a nervous habit.

DOC: Well, maybe I can help you.

MAN: Thanks, doc. - bark!

DOC: How long has this been going on?

MAN: Oh, ever since I was a teenager - bark!

DOC: Hmmm... Think back. Did a vicious dog ever frighten you?

MAN: Huh? I don't get it.

DOC: Well, these problems can often be traced to a single event.

MAN: No. This is just a -bark!- nervous habit.

DOC: Have you ever tried to break it?

MAN: Oh yes! I've tried lots of things, such as wearing gloves.

DOC: Wait a minute. You've tried wearing gloves?

MAN: Yes, well, you know, I thought if I would start wearing gloves, I might stop biting my nails.

DOC: Biting your nails?

MAN: Well, yes. That's the nervous habit I was telling you about.

DOC: You mean you came to see me just because you bite your nails?

MAN: Well, certainly. What else- bark!- what else in the world - bark!- would I have on my mind?

DOC: Maybe you should lie down and tell me all about it.

MAN: Well, I'm not allowed on the furniture.

DOC: That's all right, I don't mind.

MAN: Well, all right. You see, one reason I get nervous and bite my nails is -bark!- because of my mother.

DOC: Your mother?

MAN: Well, she always makes sleep on a bunch of newspapers down in the cellar. Somehow, she got this crazy quirk, you know, she got it in her mind, now you won't believe this, but she got to the point that she imagined that I went around the house, now listen to this, that I went around the house barking like a dog!

DOC: You think she imagined this?

MAN: Well, I know she did, you know, she finally wrote to a doctor about me... a Veterinarian.

DOC: Oh really? And what did he say?

MAN: I don't know. I never let the mailman near the house. -bark!

DOC: This goes deeper than I thought. I'm going to try the word association test. I'll say a word and you say the first word that comes to your mind...Table!

MAN: Chair.

DOC: Ball.

MAN: Bat.

DOC: Flower.

MAN: Rose.

DOC: Cat.

MAN: Bark!

DOC: Dog Catcher.

MAN: Bark! Bark! Bark!

DOC: I'll tell you what. This is going to require some consultation. Why don't you come in next Thursday?

MAN: Oh, no, Doc, couldn't you make it another day? I don't want to miss "Lassie."

DOC: Okay. How about Monday night around 7:30?

MAN: Nope, that's Young Life night.

DOC: Okay, let's make it Tuesday. Good day, sir.

MAN: (exits) Bark! Bark!

49. Little Red Riding Hood Skit

The following skit requires only two characters. One is a guy dressed up like "Little Red Riding Hood" (a red raincoat with a hood or a red scarf should be worn.) The other is the wolf (dressed in black.) Little Red has a basket covered with a towel. Inside the basket is a blank (starters) gun. Little Red skips into the room with her basket...

RED: (to audience) I'm Little Red Riding Hood and I'm going to Gramma's house with this basket of goodies! (skip around the stage area)

WOLF: (jumps in front of Red) Boo!

RED: EEK! EEK! Boy are you ugly!

WOLF: I'm the Big Bad Wolf and I'm going to eat you all up!

RED: But I'm just poor Little Red Riding Hood and I'm going to Gramma's house with this basket of goodies. You wouldn't want to disappoint poor old Gramma now would you?

WOLF: You got a point there. I'll let you go this time. Maybe I'll run into the three pigs somewhere along the way.

Riding Hood skips off around the room and the wolf turns to the audience and says:

WOLF: Ha Ha Ha, what Little Red Riding Hood doesn't know is that I'm going to beat her to Gramma's house. I'll take a shortcut through the strawberry patch... sort of a "strawberry shortcut..."

The wolf gets under a blanket on the floor and Riding Hood arrives.

RED: Knock! Knock!

WOLF: Who's there? (in a high voice)

RED: Yah!

WOLF: Yah-who! Ah, just come an in already.

RED: Hi, Gramma. Gee, what big ears you have Gramma.

WOLF: What? Oh, yeah... all the better to hear you with, my dear, heh-heh!

RED: And what big eyes you have Gramma.

WOLF: All the better to see you with, my dear.

RED: And what big nose you have, Gramma.

WOLF: All the better to smell your goodies with, my dearie.

RED: And what big teeth you have Gramma.

WOLF: (jumps up out of the blanket) Yeah! All the better to eat you with...!

Riding Hood pulls the gun out of the basket and shoots about six shots into the wolf.

WOLF: (staggers, falls to his knees) Well folks, the moral of this story is..."Little girls just ain't as dumb as they used to be."(falls down)

50. The Hamburger Skit

Characters:

The customer

The waiter

The cook (wearing no shirt, only a cooks apron)

Props: table and chairs, set up like a restaurant

Plate of food, including a hamburger

A door near table to the "kitchen," offstage

The customer enters the restaurant and sits down. The waiter approaches the table and asks for his order. This needs to be finished yet…

51. Witch Skit

This skit requires two guys. One is dressed up like a "witch", with the usual witch-looking apparel: a black hat and dress, long crooked nose, scraggly wig, and a broom. The other guy is an average but good-looking young man who is extremely depressed and is about to commit suicide. As the skit begin, we find him ready to "end it all"...

MAN: I can’t take it any longer! I’ve lost my family, my job, my friends, and my house burned down. Life is not worth living! I’m going to end it all right now...

WITCH: (Enters and speaks in a squeaky voice.) What are you doing, young man? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. (and other witch sounds)

MAN: Life just isn’t worth living. I’ve lost all my friends, family, job, and all my possessions, and now I’m going to jump off this cliff and end it all.

WITCH: Oh no, don’t do that!

MAN: Why shouldn’t I?

WITCH: Because, tee-hee, I’m a witch with magic powers and I can give you back everything you lost and more! I’ll grant you three wishes! Tee-hee-hee! Three wishes!!!

MAN: You mean that you can give me three wishes? Wow, that’s tremendous! I wouldn’t have to end it all! Wait a minute. How do I know that your are telling me the truth? How do I know you are really a witch.?

WITCH: Of course, I’m a witch. Don’t I look like a witch? Ha ha ha ha hee hee hee. I’ll give you your three wishes in exchange for one small favor.

MAN: One favor? (skeptical) I knew there must be a catch. What do you want from me?

WITCH: Three kisses. It’s a fair exchange. Three wishes for three kisses!

MAN: I think I’ll just jump away

WITCH: Think of all you’ll be able to wish for in three wishes!

MAN: (He finally decides to go ahead with it, so he takes the witch in his arms, and begins to kiss her. After each kiss, the young man makes repulsive gesture, spitting each time. Extreme distaste is shown after the last kiss and with it a great sigh of relief. The witch on the other hand, shows extreme enjoyment with each time she is kissed). Okay, now that that is over, I want my three wishes.

WITCH: First of all, tell me how old you are sonny?

MAN: (He tells her his age.)

WITCH: And you still believe in witches at that age?? Hahahahaha-hehehehe (exits laughing to herself)

52. Leaving Home Skit

Need two characters. A man sits in a chair reading a newspaper. A woman enters with a coat on and carrying a suitcase. She is apparently very upset. The man in the chair could care less.

Woman: "I’ve had it! I’m through! I’m leaving this crummy rotten house and all these crummy kids and going home to mother! I’m sick and tired of ironing, mopping, and cleaning up after you day in and day out! I tell you, I’ve had it! No more! I’m leaving and don’t ask me to come back because I’m leaving for good!" (sobbing) "Goodbye!" (She stomps out of the room).

Man: (somewhat bewildered, turns to and offstage room and yells) "Alice, dear! The maid just quit!"

53. Restaurant Skit

Rehearsed-requires 4 guys

Props: Something to look like restaurant tables and chairs, apron, hot dog, spoon, and a camping kettle.

Two boys come into a third class restaurant; only one other customer is in there. One of the guys tells the other customer he should hang his coat and hat on the back of his chair instead of the coat rack because the restaurant has a bad reputation for stealing things. An Italian waiter with an accent comes in wearing a filthy apron. They begin to order. He has no menu but says that they have soup and hot dog.

1^st Man: I’ll take the soup.

2^nd Man: I’ll have the same

Waiter: Wait just a minute. If he takes the soup you have to take the hot dog.

2^nd Man: All right, put some mustard on it please. (Waiter exits)

3^rd Man: (who came in alone) Did you say they steal your coats?

1^st Man: They’d steal the shirt off your back if they thought they could get it.

3^rd Man: Well I’m going to keep and eye on mine. (Watches his coat on coat rack). I wish they’d take my order. I’ve been sitting here since before you came in.

The waiter enters, singing bits of Italian opera, carrying the soup in an ugly camping type kettle. He drops the spoon on the floor, wipes it off on his apron and hands it to the 1st man. He exits and returns with a bare hot dog in his hand and gives it to the 2^nd man.

2^nd Man: Waiter, I asked for mustard on my hot dog. This one’s plain.

Waiter: That’s a-right-a (looks over apron). Here’s some. (He wipes mustard from apron onto hot dog.)

1^st Man: Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup.

Waiter: Quiet, or everybody will want one. (He takes the fly and squeezes it in the soup, while telling the fly, "Now you spit every bit of that out")

3^rd Man: (disgusted, gets up to leave). "I’m getting out of here" (walks out in shorts-his pants have been stolen).

54. The Lie Detector Skit

Props: Vase, coin with a string tied to it (a coin with a hole in it works best). The

string should be invisible to the audience, probably a heavier thread, and a man with the other end of the string. Requires a boy and a girl, and advanced rehearsal. This play should be re-worked so the dialogue fits the school situation, but the basic idea will remain the same.

A large vase that can be broken is on a table. The boy sits holding the coin which has a thread long enough so it can be passed from the boy to the girl, and put in the vase.

BOY: I don’t see anything unusual about this coin, yet my friend who gave it to me insisted that it has magic powers. He said that when it is placed in a vase it serves as a lie detector, and that the bigger the lie the more agitated the coin becomes, and if an unusually big lie was told, it might even explode and break the jar. Well, I’m going to drop it in this old vase, and see what happens.

GIRL: (entering) Oh, I beg your pardon. I didn’t know that there was a boy in here. (The coin begins to jump up and down in the jar as the man behind the curtain pulls the thread).

BOY: Oh, that’s right. I’ve just returned from Arabia and know only a few people here. I’m glad to have the opportunity to meeting you. Are you going with anyone?

GIRL: Oh, mercy no. (The coin jumps up and down). Being a student I have always been so busy with my studies and travels that I have never had time to think about boys. (The coin starts jumping up and down vigorously).

BOY: I’ve always been the same way about girls. (The coin jumps)

GIRL: Haven’t you ever been in love?

BOY: No, not until this minute (coin jumps). I suspect that you have had many boyfriends you never even knew about…secret admirers.

GIRL: No, I’m sure not. I’ve always been too shy.

BOY: You have been lying to me.

GIRL: What do you mean?

BOY: In that vase on the table I have place a magic coin that a friend gave me. He picked it up in Mesopotamia and gave it to me when we were on the same boat coming back form the East. He told me that it would become agitated and jump up and down when anyone told a lie. I didn’t believe it, but I placed it in the vase just before you came in, and each time you told a lie it has jumped up and down in the vase. (The boy takes coin form the vase, shows it to her, and puts it back in).

GIRL: I don’t believe that this is a magic coin. I would not lie to a tall, dark, handsome boy like you. (The coin becomes very agitated, and girl looks surprised).

BOY: This coin is truly a lie detector. You should be very ashamed of yourself telling lies about not going with anyone and never being in love. Why, I have never told a lie in my life!

At this point the boy behind the curtain upsets the table so that the jar is smashed!

55. The Big Date Skit

Bill and Karen have just met each other after being introduced by common friends. This is the first date for both. They have just arrived at a local restaurant for a meal.

BILL: (embarrassed) Hi Karen

KAREN: (equally embarrassed) Hi Bill.

BILL: (still embarrassed) Hi Karen.

KAREN: (still embarrassed) Hi Bill.

BILL: Gosh, this is so…(he leaves sentence floating)

KAREN: Yes, it is so…(she also leaves the sentence floating)

BILL: Karen, ah, have you had many dates before?

KAREN: The only date I’ve ever had was on August 13^th

BILL: Oh really, what was that?

KAREN: My birthday. (Karen then drops her comb on the floor)

BILL: Oh here! I’ll get it (As he stoops over, he falls down on the floor.) I guess I fell for that one, but at least I had nice trip. (As Bill stands up, he forgets to pick up the comb)

KAREN: Oh Bill, you’re so funny! (She is suddenly serious.) But would you mind picking up my comb?

BILL: (embarrassed) Oh yeah, I guess I forgot. (As Bill squats down, sound effects are heard of his pants ripping. As he reaches behind him to check out that part ripped, he falls backwards from his squatting position over to his back. At that moment a waiter comes to take the order and not seeing Bill, he trips over him and falls to the floor.)

DAREN: Oh my goodness!

WAITER: (regaining composure)What in the world were you doing on the floor sir? Aren’t our seats comfortable enough?

BILL: Oh no. The seats are just fine. I was just checking to see if the floor was on the level.

WAITER: (unbelievingly) I don’t know about the floor, but are you on the level? (The waiter then notices the rip, and seeing the chance for a pun replies…) By the way sir, something has happened to your pants.

BILL: Yes, I know. Isn’t that a rip-off? (Both men stand)

WAITER: Well would you like me to do anything?

BILL: Yeah, how about turning your head when I leave?

WAITER: (unbelievingly) Sure thing…Hey. I’ll be back in a minute to take your order. (As the waiter leaves, Bill sits back down at the table.)

KAREN: Bill, I really appreciate your efforts, but my comb is still on the floor.

BILL: I’m sorry, Karen, but that waiter crushed my ear when he fell on me. What did you say?

KAREN: I said my comb is still on the floor.

BILL: (sheepishly)Your phone is in the store?

KAREN: No! MY COMB IS STILL ON THE FLOOR!

BILL: (sheepishly) Oh! I’m sorry. (He bends down and gets the comb) Well, we may as well order, there’s no use in waiting around.

KAREN: I don’t mind waiting. Sometimes I even like to wait around.

BILL: What?

KAREN: I said, it gives me a lift sometimes to wait.

BILL: Yea, I like weightlifting too.

KAREN: Oh good-grief. Not to change the subject, but what did you do today?

BILL: I got things all straightened out.

KAREN: What do you mean?

BILL: I mean I did all my ironing. Aren’t you impressed?

KAREN: Not really, I did my laundry today.

BILL: I thought I smelled bleach! But I thought it was just your hair

KAREN: (offended) well, I never…

BILL: Well you ought to, I can’t stand the color of your hair.

KAREN: Bill! You’ve hurt my feelings!

BILL: (Bashfully)Oh, I’m sorry. Speaking of laundry, so you know the money changing the machines they have in there?

KAREN: Well, not personally, but go ahead.

BILL: Well, I wanted to prove how stupid those machines are, so I put a 5 dollar bill in one and it still gave me change for a dollar. Just to make sure it was no fluke, I put a 10 dollar bill in the next time and it still gave me change for a dollar. I’ll bet you never realized how stupid those machines are, have you?

KAREN: That doesn’t make sense.

BILL: What do you mean?

KAREN: I mean you lost 13 dollars and you are saying the machines are stupid.

BILL: Well, I only did it for the change.

KAREN: That’s what all the moneychangers are for, a change.

BILL: That makes sense.

WAITER: I don’t mean to interrupt, but are you ready to order?

BILL: Huh?

WAITER: Your order?

BILL: What?

WAITER: ORDER! ORDER!

BILL: What are you, a judge?

WAITER: I don’t know about that, but whenever I got to play tennis I wind up in court.

BILL: You ought to get out of that racket.

WAITER: (looks up and states pleadingly) Why me? Have you decided what you would like to eat?

BILL: Yes, I’ll take the New York Sirloin steak, baked potatoes, corn, tossed salad with French dressing and a large Coke. That’s all.

KAREN: What about me Bill?

BILL: (surprised)Aren’t you going to buy your own?

KAREN: Of course not. It’s not proper.

BILL: OK, OK. Waiter, she’ll have a small Coke.

WAITER: You’re not going too far overboard are you?

BILL: Don’t be silly. We’re nowhere near water, much less on a ship.

KAREN: You may be right there, but you’re still all wet. (Karen then throws her glass of water all over Bill and they exit.)

56. Sumo Wrestlers Skit

For this skit you’ll need two guys, preferably of a muscular or flabby physique, dressed in diapers (use a white sheet for the uniforms). You will also need an announcer with a good voice and something he or she can use as a microphone, such as a vacuum hose.

Have the 2 wrestlers come stomping into the room, circling each other and snorting at each other with deep voices. The announcer introduces the first man a Yamahaha, who then steps forward, bows with folded hands and slowly laughs with a deep voice and a Japanese accent, "ha ha ha ha ha." He then throws rice over each shoulder. This procedure is repeated when the announcer introduces Korimoto-ho, who then responds with a "ho ho ho".

After their introduction, the 2 wrestlers begin fighting. They never touch each or to speak, except the occasional "ha ha’s" and "ho ho’s". The fight is conducted by each fighter doing to himself what he really wants to do to his opponent. The opponent responds — at the same time — by reacting to the hold or punch as if it really happened to him.

While this is going on, the announcer calls the play-by-play, describing finger bends, nostril lifts, toe stomps, navel jabs, and armpit hair pulls. With some good actors this event can be hilarious.

57. Mashed Potato Skit

A man comes into a restaurant (table and chair) and sits down.

Waitress comes in and asks for order.

MAN: I’ll have a big pot of mashed potatoes.

WAITRESS: Is that all?

MAN: Yup.

WAITRESS: No beverage?

MAN: Nope. Just a big pot of mashed potatoes.

WAITRESS: No salad, or soup, or desert or anything?

MAN: Listen! All I want is a big pot of mashed potatoes.

WAITRESS: Well, o.k. I’ll tell the cook

Waitress goes back into a wing off stage and in a voice which everyone can hear, tells the cook that there’s a weirdo out there that wants a big pot of mashed potatoes.

COOK: Is that all?

WAITRESS: Yup. That’s all he wants.

COOK: No salad?

WAITRESS: Nope.

COOK: No beverage or anything?

WAITRESS: Nope, just a big pot of mashed potatoes.

Argument goes on for a while. Finally the cook condescends and gives the waitress a huge pot of mashed potatoes (get the biggest pot you can find). Waitress brings the pot of potatoes out to the customer. He looks around suspiciously, lowers pot to the floor and sticks his head as far into the potatoes as he can — up to his neck. Then he proceeds to jam them into his mouth, ears, pockets, down his shirt, etc. Finally, waitress, standing there the whole time asks the man what the heck he’s doing with all those mashed potatoes. Man slowly looks up at the waitress with question mark on his face . . .

MAN: Mashed potatoes? I thought this was spinach!

Man stands up, turns and walks out.

At this point everyone is confused, including the waitress. Suddenly she turns . . .

WAITRESS: Spinach — oh, I get it.

Waitress dives into the pot of mashed potatoes head-first, mashing them all over the place, in her hair, mouth, etc. Then she gets up and leaves. Finally the cook who has been watching the whole thing from a distance yells . . .

COOK: Spinach spelled backwards, I get it. Is that ever funny.

Goes through same procedures as man, and waitress.

Now everyone is thoroughly confused. At this point, someone comes through with a sign saying, "What is spinach spelled backwards?" A plant in the audience then jumps up yelling that he gets it too, and dives into the pot, mashing it all over himself.

You can end the skit here by having the announcer come out and suggest to the crowd that if they think about it for a while, they’ll get it too. If this is to be the last skit of the night, the announcer might even come out and apologize for trying to put over such a crummy skit on the crowd. Then he pauses, and reflectingly says "Spinach spelled backwards. . . Oh, I get it, and he dives into the pot too.

58. Statue In The Park Skit

One person poses as a statue with a park bench or seat in front of him. Two people come along to eat lunch — the statue takes some of their lunch whenever it is left on the seat. The eaters look more and more suspiciously at each other until they finally leave in disgust. A couple then approaches and sits down at one end of the seat. They are in the early stages of courtship and sit rather shyly next to each other, with no physical contact. After a while, the statue puts an arm around the girl, who reacts sharply, slapping the face of the boy and leaving in disgust. Then comes one of the gardeners with a bucket, mop and feather duster. He first of all cleans the seat, then looks up at the statue. He dusts the statue with the feather duster, while the person posing tries not to move, sneeze, laugh. He is about to put the mop into the bucket when there is a voice calling him offstage. He looks at his watch, yells out "I’m coming," picks up the bucket and throws the contents over the statue.

59. Whistler Precision Drill Team Skit

Acquire a copy of the Mitch Miller album where there is a cut of his choir whistling theme song to "Bridge Over the River Kwai" or "Colonel Bogey March." Use as many guys as you want to involve. Each must provide a shirt and tie, a jacket and pants, and a pair of gloves. Stuff the arms of the jacket with paper and attach the gloves to the end of the arms. For each guy a hat must be prepared. These are made out of cloth and heavy cardboard. The brim must be about three feet in diameter. The hole in the center must be large enough for it to slip over a guy’s shoulders. The bowl of the hat is made of some cheap cloth but must be large enough so that a guy can hold his arms over his head and yet have the brim of the hat come to just below his shoulders. Paint a face on the naked chest and stomach of each guy with the belly button as the mouth. Arrange the shirt, tie and jacket around the hips and fasten with pins. The over-all effect is of some very short guys with very big heads. They then march around the stage like a precision drill team to one of the above tunes, acting as if they are doing the whistling by sucking in their stomachs in and out.

60. The Magic Bandana Skit

Two guys come out; one is the magician, one is his not-so-smart assistant. The magician introduces his act and sends his assistant to a table behind him and (facing the audience) says, "Herkimer, (his assistant), do exactly as I say . . ." (Magician can’t see him)

1. "Pick up the bandana . . ." Herkimer picks up a bandana and also a banana that is lying on the table, looks at them, scratches his head, and puts the bandana down, keeps the banana.
2. "Now, Herkimer, hold the bandana in your right hand . . ." Herkimer does.
3. "Fold the bandana in half . . ." Herkimer folds the banana in half.
4. "Fold the four corners of the bandana together . . ." Herkimer peels the banana and drops the peel to the floor.
5. "Now stuff the bandana into your left fist, and don’t let any of it show . . ." Herkimer then crams the banana into his left fist, causing the banana to ooze out between his fingers.
6. "Now, Herkimer, on the count of three, the bandana will disappear. One! Two! Three! Now show us your fist . . ." Herkimer opens his fist and throws mashed banana at the magician, and the magician chases him off the stage.

Props: Sun glasses, briefcase, T — shirt, box of candy, straight man, greaser, jock.

Skit: Straight man enters chewing gum, carrying briefcase. Walks up to elevator, pushes button, goes in. Chews gum like it’s losing its flavor, decides to stick it to the wall . . . door opens . . . he leaves.

Greaser enters, pushes button, enters elevator. He leans on the wall and his hand sticks to the gum. He pulls his hand off the wall (which is hard to do). Greaser looks at the gum, stretches it out some, picks his nose, gets grease off his hair, sneezes, cleans his ears . . . all this gets on the gum. He chews it a while, door opens he throws the gum on the back of the elevator and then he leaves.

Jock enters, dumb, spacey, letter jacket on . . . typical jock. He enters the elevator, leans on the wall (back wall) and the gum gets stuck:

1. Head and elevator
2. Hand and head
3. Both hands
4. Foot and both hands
5. Both feet and both hands
6. Hands
7. Knees
8. Hand to face

62. Sex(mud) Skit

Props: Notebook, paper, and pen. Two guys or club leaders.

Skit: The 2 guys sit in chairs in front of the club; one is dressed like a psychologist, the other is a patient. As the scene opens the doctor holds up a circle (drawn on paper) where everyone can see it and asks the patient what it reminds him of. He goes wild screaming, "Sex, sex, sex."("mud, mud, mud") Next the doctor holds up a triangle, and asks the patient what it reminds him of. The patient goes wild again screaming sex (mud). The doctor then holds up a square and again in the patient goes wild. The doctor says, "I know what your problem is. You’ve got a dirty mind." The patient says, "Me? You’re the one with all the dirty pictures!"

63. Reggie and the Colonel Skit

Characters:

Reggie, big, dumb. Bermudas, high socks, safari hat, glasses, down on nose, moustache, carries gun in front of him.

Colonel: short, limp, no gun, just small knapsack, has cane.

Scene: Walking in place through darkest Africa, speaking pronounced English accent.

Colonel: (excited, jumping and pointing with cane) Reggie, look… Did you see it, Reggie?

Reggie: See what? No, no, where, where?

Colonel: Oh, Reggie, it was a beautiful condor, 8 foot wing span, beautiful colors.

Reggie: No. I didn’t see it.

Colonel: Wish you’d pay closer attention. (They continue walking)

Colonel: Did you see it, Reggie?

Reggie: No, what?

Colonel: A spotted Zebra…wish you’d pay closer attention.

Colonel: (later) Did you see it, Reggie? Did you see it?

Reggie: No, I missed it…what was it?

Colonel: An ooh-aah bird.

Reggie: An ooh-aah bird. What’s an ooh-aah bird?

Colonel: An ooh-aah bird is a 2 pound bird that lays a 3 pound egg, like this: Ooooooooooh aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh (face lights up). (Continue walking)

Reggie: Whispers to audience: next time I’ll say yes-pretend like I saw it. I’ll fool him.

Colonel: Reggie, Reggie, did you see it? (Excited)

Reggie: I saw it, I saw it!

Colonel: Then why in heaven’s name did you step in it?!

64. The Pencil Salesman Skit

Sales mangager and Dumb Salesman enter.

Manager: Now I want you to pay close attention to me so you can become a great salesman.

Salesman: Duhh, okay.

Manager: First you hold your pencils in you hand and say, "Pencils for sale." Practice saying that.

Salesman: Pencils for sale, pencils for sale, etc.

Manager: Okay, that’s enough. Next, the first question people will ask you is "How much are they?" and you will say "Ten cents. Three for a quarter."

Salesman: "Ten cents. Three for a quarter."

Manager: Right. They will ask you, "What color are they?" and you will tell them, "Yellow."

Salesman: "Yellow, yellow"

Manager: Good. Then the person will buy one or else he will say, "No, I don’t want to buy one" and you will say, "If you don’t, somebody else will."

Salesman: If you don’t somebody else will.

Manager: Very good. Now, let’s practice it once and then you are on your own. (They go through the questions and answers).

Now the salesman is alone on the street corner calling out "Pencils for sale." The first customer enters in a hurry, the salesman doesn’t notice him, turns around, hits the customer and knocks him to the ground. He gets up, begins to dust off angrily.

Customer: (outraged) Do you know how much this suit cost me?

Salesman: Ten cents, three for a quarter.

Customer: (furious now) What’s the matter with you? What do you think I am?

Salesman: Yellow.

Customer: Say, would you like me to punch you in the nose?

Salesman: If you don’t somebody else will.

Customer begins to beat the salesman up and both run off stage.

65. The Mona Lisa Skit

Here’s a skit idea that is guaranteed to bring a faint, yet enchanting smile to everyone at the very least. Have someone memorize the words to the old Nat King Cole favorite "Mona Lisa." Then dress someone up as the Mona Lisa herself in a long, black wig, black robe and black shawl. Build a picture frame out of some old boards and have the "Mona" sit behind it. Drape the bottom of the picture frame to the floor so that the audience cannot see the Mona Lisa’s feet.

He is going to sing a very serious song for them. As the song begins, the curtain opens to reveal the Mona Lisa. The singer turns to see the Mona Lisa and begins to sing to the picture. During the song, however, the Mona Lisa comes out of character; she picks her nose, sneezes, cleans out her ear, shoots water pistols at the singer, blows a kiss to the singer, eats a banana, and does any other things that you might think of. All of this should be done every time the singer turns away from the Mona Lisa to face the audience. The skit ends with the singer getting a whipped cream pie in the face, at which point the singer jumps through the picture frame and chases the Mona Lisa.

66. Monk Monotony Skit

The following skit is an easy one to pull off as you will need only three characters ( the Main Monk, Monk Monotony and a sign carrier) and one prop (a large sign which reads "ten years later"). The audience is asked to imagine a monastery where Monk Monotony has just taken a vow of silence.

Main Monk: So Monk Monotony, you have just taken a vow of silence? (Monk Monotony shakes his head "yes") Do you know what this vow of silence means? (Monk Monotony shakes his head yes) That’s right, you cannot say anything but two words for the next ten years. You may go now.

(Monk Monotony exits. After 20 seconds in which the Main Monk does nothing, the sign carrier enters slowly from right and exits slowly to the left, carrying the sign which reads "Ten years Later" Monk Monotony enters).

Main Monk: Yes, Monk Monotony your first ten years are up, and you may say your two words.

Monk Monotony: Hard bed.

Main Monk: You many go now.

(Monk Monotony exits. After abut 20 seconds in which the Main Monk does nothing, the sign carrier enters slowly from the right and exits slowly to the left, carrying the sign which reads "Ten Years Later" Monk Monotony enters)

Main Monk: Yes, Monk Monotony your second ten years are up, and you may now say your two words.

Monk Monotony: Bad food.

Main Monk: You may go now.

(Monk Monotony exits. After abut 20 seconds in which the Main Monk does nothing, the sign carrier enters slowly from the right and exits slowly to the left, carrying the sign which reads "Ten Years Later" Monk Monotony enters)

Main Monk: Yes, Monk Monotony your third ten years are up, and you may now say your two words.

Monk Monotony: I quit (he begins to exit immediately)

Main Monk: Well, I am not surprised. You’ve been complaining ever since you got here.

67. Future Banana Skit

This short skit requires no words. A guy walks out on stage, sits on a chair in the middle of the stage and takes out a banana. Meanwhile, the music from the movie 2001: A Space Odyssey is playing in the background and the lights are off with the strobe light on. The guy peels the banana and eats it to the music. If done properly, with appropriate facial expressions, the results are hilarious.

68. You were Lucky-#1 Skit(The Liars)

1. Imagine us, sitting in the fanciest pub in England, drinking our Chateau de Chauclea wine.
2. Right you are, 30 years ago we would have been lucky to have had a cup of tea.

1. Cold tea.
2. Yes, without sugar or milk.

1. Or tea.
2. In a cracked and filthy cup.

1. We used to be so poor that we would drink tea out of a rolled-up newspaper.
2. You were lucky to have a newspaper, we used to have to suck our tea out of a damp cloth.

1. We were poor but we were happy.
2. We were happy because we were poor.

1. Right you are, my daddy said that dollars would never buy happiness.
2. That’s because he never had any money, the bloody beggar.

1. When I was young we used to live in a house with big holes in the roof.
2. You had a house? You were lucky! We used to live in a bottle cap, 23 of us in the middle of the ocean.

1. Well, I say it was a house, actually it was a room — all 36 of us, and we had only half a floor. We had a big hole in the middle of the floor and we used to huddle next to the wall for fear we would fall in.
2. You were lucky! We used to live in a hallway.

1. Well, you were lucky! We used to live in an abandoned septic tank in the middle of the garbage dump.
2. You lived in a septic tank? You were lucky! We lived in a paper sack in the bottom of a toxic waste dump. Every morning we would awaken to nuclear waste being dumped on us until we glowed.

1. Actually, the house I was telling you about was no more than a hole in the ground, covered with twigs.
2. Well, you were lucky! We were evicted from our hole. We had to live in the bottom of the lake.

1. You were lucky to live in the bottom of a lake. There was 150 of us living in a shoe box in the middle of a road. We dreamed of living in a lake.
2. You were lucky to live in a shoe box. We lived in a brown paper bag. All 300 of us! Got up at 6 a.m., ate a crust of stale bread, and worked in the mills for 12 hours. When we got home Dad would beat us and put us to bed with no dinner.

1. Well you were lucky! We used to get up at 3 a.m., strain the lake clean with our teeth, eat a cup of hot grave, work 15 hours at the mill and when we got home our Dad would beat us about the head and shoulders with a broken beer bottle and use us for kitty litter.
2. We dreamed of that! We used to live in a rusty tin can in the middle of the road. One hour after sunset we would clean the road with our tongues, eat a handful of cold gravel and work 20 hours at the mill with no pay! When we got home our Dad would cut us up with a dull gensu knife and use us for cheese fondue.

1. Well, you were lucky! That was luxury. We used to get up in the morning at 10 at night — which was half an hour before we went to bed - eat a hunk of dry poison — work 29 hours a day at the mill and when we got home or parents would kill us and dance around our grave singing "Glory, Glory, Hallelujah".
2. But you tell that to the kids today and they simply don’t believe you.

Use same guy starting each round and same guy going 2^nd and 3^rd. This will set up the conclusion. At the end, the 1^st guy gets fed up with the other 2 for topping him and jumps up and starts mouthing. The 2^nd guy is mad at the 3^rd and he starts mouthing. The 3^rd guy sits alone proudly stating that they were lucky. The other 2, in the meantime, get their Chateau De Sauce and pour the water pitcher on the 3^rd.

(NOTE: During the skit, one of us will need to take a break and go behind us to get the pitcher of Chateau to establish the fact that it is there).

1^st 2^nd 3^rd

ROUND 1 1. 9 brothers & sisters 20 brothers and sisters 43 brothers and sisters

Family 2. 2 room shack cardboard box hole in the ground

3. Food — gruel & grits Food — snails, bugs, I dreamed of eating snails

so poor — no breakfast bark No breakfast & gruel, No breakfast,

echo — no breakfast No lunch, No lunch, No dinner

echo — no brk, no lunch echo

ROUND 2 1. Parents required "A" Parents required 100 Parents required 125

Educ. On every test every test and home- every test, homework

Pressure work test check, & final exam

2. my mama "Lady my daddy was a Marine my ole man was one of

Wrestler" would whup me drill Sargeant who Hell’s Angels, and he

With a leather strap was 6’9" tall. was 9’6" tall and weighed

with a stick whupped me with chains then tied me to the back of

his motorcycle and drug

me through town

ROUND 3 1. Plowing fields-every- I worked in a coal I cleaned out out-houses

Work body else had tractors mine-didn’t have no all we used was hands &

& disks; I had a shovel picks or shovels, I mouths, didn’t get no air

used a toothpick and

got air through a tube

2. many a day I worked I worked 22 hrs. a day I worked 29 hours a day

14 hrs. a day

3. worked so long that NO SUPPER, NO LUNCH NO SUPPER, NO LUNCH

I got NO SUPPER-echo --echo BREAKFAST, and what’s

More --echo

70. Radio Jumble Skit

This is an easy to perform skit in which seven people are used. All seven persons (A,B,C,D,E,F, and G) simply stand in front of the audience and read the script below when their turn comes. To introduce the skit, announce that this is what happened one day, when you were trying to find a radio station to listen to. Each of the readers can wear a sign with the name of a radio station on it, or dress up in costume. Each "Click" below indicates a station change. (The "clicks" can be inserted at the appropriate times by an offstage sound effects person).