Narcoleptic Napoleon Dynamite Written by : Matthew Rings     www.onionringsstudios.com matthewrings@email.com   Props: q       Workout pants with back pocket and side pocket (I had alteration lady sew them on for me. We used sponge Bob Pajama pants and we had Harley Davidson pajama pants for finale) q       Rubbing alcohol (high school baseball hat) q       50 pack black cat fire crackers q       2 buckets q       Napoleon Dynamite Soundtrack q       Bad to the Bone.mp3 q       2 Iron on Vote For Pedro onto plane ringer t-shirt q       Black tuff-guy jacket and glasses q       Moon Boots (e-bay $30 or ski shop) q       Tots q       Fake Tattoo sleeves . (E-bay) q       Sweet thrift store suit ACT I   (Leader is giving announcements, Que D-qwan Boogie and in walks Napoleon listening to headphones wearing pants, moon boots, and Vote for Pedro shirt, w/tots in pocket) Leader: Hey Napoleon how’s it going? Napoleon: Pretty Good. (Que Bad to Bone, in struts the Bully, Black jacket, sun glasses, out runs leader) Bad Guy/Bully: What are you doing here Napoleon?! N: Whatever I feel like. GOSH!! B: You’d better watch it Napoleon (Smack Napoleon on back of head) (Napoleon quickly scarfs down a tot) B: Hey Napoleon, give me one of your tots! N: No, get your own! (Bully smashes tots in side pocket with foot or hand) N: Uggh! Gross! Freaking Idiot! B: ha ha Hey Napoleon how’s your Narcolepsy? N: The school nurse said…(Head droops down and falls deep asleep) B: Oh man what a loser! (looking around) how can I wake him up? (Checks his pockets) Oh yeah (pulls out fire crackers and lighter. Puts them in his back pocket ½ hanging out, lights them) (make sure you put a pillow or duct tape a thin paperback book to protect Napoleon from real damage) (Napoleon flails around Kramer-like and is awakened) N: GOSH! IDIOT!  (Que Bad to Bone both exit) B: Ha, ha Later Loser   ACT II   (Right before the skit begins pour alcohol onto top of hat in the center. It will light high flames, but won’t burn hat. Keep a bucket of water near by just in case) (Leader is giving announcements, Que (Bus Rider 15seconds into song. In walks Napoleon wearing high school logo baseball hat)   L: Hey Napoleon, what have you been up to? N: I just came from the Happy Hands club practice at _____High School. L: How did that go? N: It was pretty sweet. (Que Bad to Bone in walks butch short sleeve shirt, glasses and tattoos, out runs leader) B: ha nice pants loser! N: Nice tattoos did you draw those yourself? B: I could kick your butt Napoleon, so I’d shut up! N: Why don’t you go tell your mom to shut up? B: What did you say? N: Whatever I wanna say! B: Did you say something about my mom? N: Maybe I did, maybe I didn’t. B: Do you wanna die Napoleon?! N: Yeah right, Who’s the only one here who know the illegal Ninja moves from the government? B: Step up Napoleon! (Napoleon steps up smacks bully and turns to run away. He makes it 2 steps and falls deep asleep, snoring) B: ha, what a loser! How can I wake him up this time? (looking around pulls out lighter and lights Napoleon’s hat) (Once flames are pretty high butch will say, “Man look at those flames” that will be Napoleon’s Que to wake up freak out and shake the hat until the fire goes out.) N: GOSH! IDIOT! (Que Bad to Bone) L: Later Looser     ACT III   (Have 2 buckets nearby. 1 half full with water. 1 half full confetti) (Leader is giving announcements, Que Suit Walk. In walks Napoleon in Sweet Suit)   L: Hey Napoleon. What’s goin’ on? You look Awesome! N: I’m getting ready for Prom L: Aren’t you a little early? N: Yeah, well I was at the thrift store and I saw this sweet suit, so I went ahead and got it. (Que Bad to Bone, out runs leader. In walks bully in black jacket, sun glasses) B: Whoa, Napoleon Nice suit! Ha ha. N: Why don’t you leave me alone! B: ‘Cause it’s too much fun being mean to you. N: Well I’m gonna…(falls deep asleep) B: Oh man how can I wake him up? (Looking around sees water bucket) (Grabs bucket and drenches Napoleon) (Laughing Bully says “Man that was fun” Grabs the other bucket and throws it onto crowd) N: GOSH! IDIOT! (Que Bad to Bone) L: Later Looser     Finale   Shoot a video of Bully chasing Napoleon all over town. Around the High school, movies, mall. Then shoot them running down the street from your youth building and right up to the door where you meet. Just as Napoleon grabs the door handle on the video he comes busting in the room in real life.   (Napoleon has on regular outfit, Bully has on snap sports pants overtop the Harley Davidson Pajama Pants and Vote for Pedro shirt on under his Buttoned up Black Jacket)   N: (out of Breath) Why do you keep chasing me and being mean to me? B: I don’t know. I guess I just don’t have any friends. N: Well, It’s because your so mean to everybody. B: I’m sorry. Will you forgive me? N: Sure (Bully takes off snap pants to reveal Harley pants like Napoleon and jacket to reveal Vote for Pedro) B: I know how to permanently cure your Narcolepsy N: you do? B: yeah, Dance Que Canned Heat Both break out into dance routine for 1 minute then Pause music. Both keep on dancing for second then look around and run off together saying goodbye to crowd un-pause music as they run off.) The END    Alternative Endings   q       We had a kid who actually had a farm so we filmed the whole Tina eat your food bit and we did a fake live satellite feed where the Leader was talking with Napoleon on the video as he fed the farm animal and then the Bully showed up and as the chase began  we “lost” the satellite feed. The next week we regained contact to see them being chased all over even up to our Ski retreat and back to the youth building) q       You could have Uncle Rico in field as they run by he is video taping him self as they run by. q       Have Napoleon beating a Piñata with Bully’s face stuck on it. Bully comes up and chase goes on. q       Low speed bike chase, shopping cart chase etc.   Have fun! The hidden message to the geeks out there in this skit is the bully changes to be friends with Napoleon instead of Napoleon trying to change to be “cool”.  We want to teach our kids they have intrinsic value because of whose they are (they belong to God) and who they are (they are created by God and he is wildly in love with them.) Written by : Matthew Rings     www.onionringsstudios.com