Classic Old School Young Life Skits

More SKITS

For a
long time everything (mixers, minutes, skits, and run-ons) was called a
“skit”. Well, these are the actual skits. They are done mostly by
leaders and traditionally cause a lot of laughs. They need a lot of work,
practice, and preparation before you ever get to club.

1. Rindercella
And The Prandsome Hince Skit(origional ending)

Once
upon a time in a coreign fountry ther was a geautiful birl, whose name was
Rindercella. And Rindercella had a mugly other and two sigly usters. Also in
this coreign fountry there was a prandsome hince and the prandsome hince was
going to have bancy fall.

Rindercella’s
mugly other and her two sigly usters went out and bought dancy fresses for he
bancy fall but poor Rindercella couldn’t go because she had nothing but rirty
dags. So on the night of the bancy fall, Rindercella’s mugly other and her two
sigly usters put on their dancy fresses and went to the bancy fall. And since
poor Rindercella couldn’t go she cat down and sried.

Suddenly,
her gairy fodmother appeared before her and touched her with her wagic mond and
turned her into a peautiful brincess and then gave her a kig boach and hix
sorces so Rindercella could go to the bancy fall. So off went Rindercella. When
she got to the bancy fall the prandsome hince met her at the door. He had
watched her come up in her kig boach and hix sorses from a widden hindow.

Rindercella
and the prandsome hince danced all night long and the prandsome hince lell in
fove with Rindercella. When the prandsome hince was just about to quop the
prestion, Rindercella heard the moke of stridnight so she turned, straced down
the rairs and when she got to the stottom blep she slopped her dripper.

The next
day the prandsome hince went all over his coreign fountry looking for the
geautiful birl who had slopped her dripper. When he go to Rindercella’s house
he tried it on her mugly other, but it fidnt dit! He tried it on her two sigly
usters but it fidnt dit. And he tried it on Rindercella and it fid dit! So they
were mappily harried and lived appily ever hafter. Ehe Thend!

2. Rindercella
And The Prandsome Hince Skit (Young Life Moral Ending)

Once
upon a time in a pall smillage lived a prettle litty girl named Rindercella.
Rindercella lived in a hall smouse with her mep-stother and her three sigly
usters. Rindercella wanted to go to the bancy fall at the castle of the
prandsome hince, but her three sigly usters made Rindercella flop the moors and
hay at stome. (said with sadness…) After the three sigly usters had gone to the
bancy fall, a gairy fodmother appeared and told Rindercella she could go the
the bancy fall too. She waved her wagic mond and made Rindercella a dretty
press and some little slass grippers. Then she turned a cumpkin into a poach
and four hats into roarses. But she had to be home when the strock cluck 12.

When
Rindercella arrived at the sastle in her dretty prittle press the prandsome
hince lell in fove with her. Boy were her three sigly usters mad…wow!! Then the
prandsome hince and Rindercella pranced and pranced (demonstrate stupidly) all
evening, but when the strock cluck 12 she ran down the steps into the night.
But the prandsome hince had noticed that Rindercella had slopped her dripper!

The
prandsome hince knew if he could find the gretty pirl whose tootsy would fit
the dripper, he would find his love. (Suspenseful….) Meanwhile, the gairy
fodmother was so mad Rindercella had slopped her dripper she turned Rindercella
into a rat and put her in the cumpkin! The prandsome hince came to their hall
smouse and made the three sigly usters try on the dripper. Unfortunately,
Matilda, the third of the three sigly usters fit the dripper. There was nothing
left for the prandsome hince to do but to barry Matilda, and they lived
hunhappily ever ufter (sadly). The storal of the mory is…when you go to a bancy
fall, don’t slop your dripper!

3. Herman
The Trained Flea Skit

The
trainer has a flea do various tricks, when suddenly he loses Herman. After
searching for a while, a girl is brought forth who has the flea in her hair.
The punch line is, “He wait a minute, this isn’t Herman!”

4. Pick
Pocket Skit

“Freddy
Fingers and Hands Harry” meet and embrace each other. They tell where
they’ve been in the last few years (like what prisons they were in, etc.), and
as they say goodbye, one says to the other, “Oh you may want this.”
He gives him back his watch. The exchange of articles that they have picked up
from each other until one of them hands back the other’s pair of boxers!

5. Coke
Commercial Skit

Have one
person standing, holding an unopened coke bottle, the next fellow holding a
bottle opener, the other two doing nothing. The skit opens with the first
examining the bottle very closely, then he passes it on to the next. He opens
the bottle and passes it on to the third person, he/she guzzles the entire
thing and passes empty bottle to the next person. The last person looks at the
empty bottle with a sick look and burps as loud as he can.

6. Granny’s
Candy Store Skit

Paint
verbal picture of the various kids acting as three chairs, etc. in Granny’s
store. Have three guys standing there, but with no parts to play. Have several
kids come dressed up as five-year olds. They ask granny for licorice, and she
regretfully tells them she has none, they ask for several other kinds of candy
and each time she says she just ran out. Finally, disgustedly, the little kids
ask what kind she does have, and she says all she has left is these three
suckers standing over here in the corner.

7. Statue
In The Park Skit

The skit
begins with one person posing as a statue in the park (the thinker or the
discus thrower). Another person introduces himself as Prof. Arthritic Kneecap,
of the Univ. of Amputation and Mutilation. After a long
study he has discovered a way to revitalize the calcium deposited in joints of
the human body, the painful and crippling effect of arthritis. In fact his
solution will bring life to almost any old lump of calcium. “Even this old
statue” He pours the bottle on the statue’s head. Slowly it comes to life.
Statue: “boy, I’ve been standing like that for 1500 years.”
Professor: “What is the first thing you want to do?” Statue: Kill
5000 pigeons with my bare hands!”

8.
The Game” Skit

Perhaps
you didn’t know it, but for the past 25 years, (your town) has been the scene
of a momentous occasion. In truth, this epic of the Old West has been going on
for much more than a mere quarter century. We must go back to the thrilling era
of yesteryear, when great herds of buffalo grazed the plains and bandits held
up stage coaches. Yes, for many years in the boom town, now ghost town of
Hudsonville, six men brought together by circumstances too unbelievable to
believe — got ready to begin on an adventure that would strike fear into the
hearts of men everywhere — and the adventure was called… THE GAME!

Every
year these initial players played again in the same town this terrible game
only they knew so well. Now the descendants of those men still keep alive the
tradition sacred to their hearts by meeting once a year playing…THE GAME!

You have
probably figured out by now that tonight, yes tonight, is the night that these
men will meet and tonight here at (your place), honored for the past 25 years
by the players as their playing ground, will be played the most fantastic game.
It is truly the most amazing phenomenon of the age…THE GAME! Truly it is a game
of crime, of mystery, yes, even of death!

First
there was Gaylord Ravenal — the notorious Mississippi Riverboat Gambler. For
him, to win and lose a whole stake in one evening of pleasure is strictly
commonplace. He is sly, underhanded and deadly with a pistol. Through the years
many prizes have crossed the table his way, tonight he has traveled many miles
at great expense for the sole purpose of defending his reputation. (Comes in;
fixes gun, has cigarette in mouth, shuffles the cards, and then misses). Second
there was Honest Tom Foolery — the sheriff from Cut-up Creek. Old Tom is one of
the best sheriffs money can buy. Tom never runs from trouble. But of course, he
never looks for it either. Tom is a friend of gunmen, gamblers, train-robbers,
horse thieves and claim jumpers; he also has many enemies as a result of…THE
GAME! (Acts cocky, steps up to bar, watches Gaylor…orders drink, gets it poured
all over him.)

Fourth
there is Just Plain Bill — This is a man as hard as the rocks he digs. We would
like to say more, but we can’t because he is just plain Bill. (Stumbles in,
acts out of it.) He has come for THE GAME!

Fifth
there is Injun Joe — the last of the famous Apaches, one of Geronimo’s right
hand braves. Strong, silent, ruthless, and just plain mean. The scalps of many
men have hung from his belt, some of them gathered in…THE GAME! (Comes in and
sits down, looks mean. Gaylord deals cards here. Bartender pours drinks.)

And
finally, there is Dirty Bert — dirtier than the dirtiest dirt. He was reared by
a grizzly bear, educated by a coyote, whips his horse with a rattle snake. A
ripsnorting, gun slinging, fist fighting, tough skinned galloot. Most feared
hombre west of Pecos. He’s been in so many
wars that he is known in these parts as Pin Cushion Pete. (Comes in, brushes
off dirt — then pulls arrows out of body, looks at everyone’s cards, then
knocks Manual Labor off chair after taking his cards — when Manual Labor pulls
knife, Gaylord shoots him; bartender drags him out.)

Cards
are re-dealt.

Then
Just Plain Bill starts by sneaking cards. Injun Joe cuts off his hand, when
Bill goes for Joe, Gaylord shoots Bill — Bartender drags him out.

Gaylord
then hypnotizes Injun Joe and takes the cards he wants form him, then wakes him
up (bartender keeps pouring drinks and while watching game, pours drink on
Honest Tom Foolery’s head).

Dirty
Bert points out toward imaginary object and while all are looking, he takes all
cards in the middle of the table.

Start
with Injun Joe and each man gambles more and more, upping with more money and
then objects until finally someone calls. Then, one at a time each man puts
down his cards until Dirty Bert finally lays down his last card and yells
(frustrated) “Oh man, I’m the Old Maid again this year!” (Use
whatever kids game kids in club would know).

9. Peanut
Whistlers Skit

Take a
large piece of cardboard and make tall top hats (to cover head arms and chest)
Guys take off shirts draw faces on stomachs (belly buttons as mouths) Put shirts
on waists and shorts below that. Play music with whistling (Globe-Trotters,
middle of Walk like an Egyptian by the Go Go’s) and let the dance
through the room.

10. Motorcycle
Gang Skit

Turn off
the lights and 4 or 5 people come in and lie on their backs, on floor (heads
toward crowd) with their arms up in the air, and each havine a round stick or
dowel covered with tinfoil for the handlebars. They are the bikes. “Bad To
The Bone” plays as a ‘motorcycle gang’ walks in they sit on the ‘bikes’
knees and use kazoos to simulate motorcycle sounds. They all lean left, right,
wheelie in sync. When they finish, they all say together, “Mom, can we
have another quarter?”

11. Toucharama
Skit

This is
a ride where you watch the movie on the screen and really feel the action. One
guy walks out and girl in lab coats who stand behind a chair. Meanwhile the
announcer pulls up a planted volunteer. The kid sits down in the chair, puts on
3D glasses and stares ahead as if watching a movie behind the crowd. A guy and girl
read a movie story line backstage over microphones while the lab coats help
make it “live’ to the volunteer. For example, “Oh Jim I’ve missed you
so much I just want to hug you” (Lab coat hugs him). You may kiss, slap,
throw water on, the volunteer to make the most of their experience. The
volunteer may even ham it up and when they begin to fight, root for them to
make up; then they make up, get sick.

12. Foreign
Exchange Student Skit

You need
someone who can speak a foreign language very fluently. It sometimes is
fun if you have a real foreign exchange student at club to have them play it
up. Explain that you the leader are excited to make YL for everybody, and
thought that it may be best to have a foreign exchange student come and share
their thoughts on YL. You will ask the questions and translate for the crowd.
Bring in your non-English-speaking student and ask them things like…”How
do you like the music at club?” Have the student rant and rave, holding
there nose, rambling about how awful it is and when they are finished, you
smiling, tell the crowd they loved it. Continue until the student gets mad and
walks out.

13. Coke’s
Fine Dining Campaign Skit

This is
a quick commercial: “And now ladies and gentlemen, a word from our
sponsor. With the successful marketing of the Arch Deluxe for adults, Coca-Cola
now turns its advertising to a more mature fine dining audience. “Coca
Cola — the choice of a mature generation.” 2 couples enter in tuxes and
prom gowns. The first girl: pulls out a bottle of Coke; hands it to the next
guy in line; he pulls out a handkerchief; twists the cap and hands it to the
next girl; she in very lady like fashion guzzles down whole bottle; and hands
the empty to the last guy who belches.

14. Spittoon
Boy Skit

Three
hillbillies acting like they are chewing begin to brag about their spitting
prowess. One spits for speed, one for distance and one for power. They decide
to have a contest and call out Spittoon Boy (guy enters wearing rain slicker,
boots, hat, goggles, and carrying a coffee can). They each back him up more and
spit for distance. He flicks the can each time as if the spit landed in it. The
last guy even sends him out side, down the street (he comes back amazed.) Now
for speed, he flicks the can, he flicks it faster, the third time he flicks
before the guy spits. Now for power, he flicks and falters a bit. He flicks and
falters more, third time he flicks and spills it (water) all over crowd.

15. You
Gotta Try This! Skit

A family
is sitting around the table getting ready to eat. A kid comes running in and
hits his toe on the table. “Oh, this hurts so much! I’ve never stubbed my
toe this hard, I think its broke.” He carries on and says “You gotta
try this and see what I mean! It hurts!” They all get up and try it.
Another family member takes a bite of dinner and burns their mouth. They spit
it out screaming how hot it is and carrying on and says, “You all got to
try this!” They all do, screaming and burning. Another takes a swig of
some lumpy old sour milk carrying on how disgusting it is saying, “You got
to try some of this!” They do and behave similarly. Scene ends when
someone comes in saying “Oh man, I just got hit by a bus, every one of my
ribs are broken and I have internal bleeding,! You gotta try this!” they
all run out and scream with screeching tires.

16. Little
Nemo Skit

This can
be done in a doorway. You need two sheets, a table, shorts, shoes, big shirt
and two people­one with long arms. The front person is the face and legs
placing hands into shoes. The back person is the arms by reaching around the
front person and through slits in back of shirt then out the sleeves. One sheet
hides the legs under the table and other sheet hides the back person. You may
want a third sheet to place in front of them and pull it over their heads so
they can get in and out unnoticed. Nemo can be prepared for a date (brush
teeth, comb hair, shave­remove blade from razor). Also do exercises. Dancing
with a strobe light helps. Practice!

17. Little
Mobile Nemo Skit

This
skit works great with Christmas elves or little UPS people (people that carry
lots of packages). Here is how it works: this is a single uniform for one
person. The person puts a long sleeve shirt over their head, but puts their
arms down through the shirt (not in the sleeves). The sleeves must be stuffed
to look full, safety pin gloves to the arms as well. Then, put shorts with high
socks or pants and shoes on their arms so that they will look like the legs
(much like Little Nemo). Pin the shorts or pants to the shirt, throw on an elf
hat and you begin to see the littler Nemo.

Then the
person kneels down in the middle of a dark-colored king size sheet or blanket
with their entire body on the blanket, but their “arms-now legs for the
creature” are outside the sheet.

Throw a
pillow or two on their legs (their real legs) and then wrap their real legs and
body and pillows up into a bundle and pull the tie portion of the bundle over
their shoulder and pin it to their fake hands (also pull the sheet up under
their fake legs and pin it on their shirt in back for better support as well).
Now with their hands, and then dragging their body in what looks to be a big
sack.

Remind
then to keep their shoulders back and head up for good posture and appearance.
Do whatever you want with them, just keep in mind that they have no way to move
their fake arms.

18. Water
Shortage At The Frat House Skit

This is
a “picture if you will” skit of a water shortage at a local frat
house. The scene opens with a glass of water on a table with a sign that reads,
“water out of order, this is the last glass.” Guys enter one at a
time all in jammies as if it is a mirror and do different things with water.
First guy combs hair dipping in and out of cup, second guy cleans ears (fake it
but have flour on the Q-tip to cloud water), third guy rinses and spits
toothpaste (frosting), fourth guy shaves (whipped cream), fifth guy comes in to
take aspirin and drinks the water!

19. Dirty
Socks/Laundry Detergent Skit

This is
a TV commercial. Get a pair of white socks with chocolate syrup all over them
to make them look dirty. Fill two different detergent bottles with milk and
food coloring. Wash the socks and compare the results. Both clean the same so
drink the “water” to see which tastes better.

20. Wind
Beneath My Wings Skit

This may
be a good skit for two seniors to have some fun with you. We have used it to
kick off a senior skit night as a Saturday Night Live like opening. Explain to
the crowd the tradition and incredible meaning of this night, and how you and
two other seniors have chosen a very serious song to kick things off that you
feel will set the tone for the show. They come and stand on either side of you
very serious, and you begin to play the guitar. You all begin to sing, “It
must have been cold there in my shadow” (as you finish the line they break
in “You’re as cold as ice…” and throw ice down you back). You yell at
them and they apologize, you reluctantly go on. “To never have sunlight on
your face” (They break off into Sunshine On My Shoulders as they shine big
flashlights in your eyes). You chew them out more, then go on. “You were
always one step behind” (You may have them de-pants you, with some great
shorts on underneath, or smack a kick me sign on your behind…pointing and
singing Moon
River
). Same
scenario, you go on keeping your eyes on them. “You’re everything I wish I
could be.” You turn defensively only to have them looking innocently back
at you. You go on big, “You are the wind beneath my wings!” They lift
your arms and use hair dryers on you. You explode for a final time and ask
them, “Why are you doing this? What do you think this is?” They look
at one another and yell, “Live from Hudsonville, it’s Monday night!”
Lights out, Saturday Night Live music on.

21. Olympic
Nose Blowing Skit

This
idea is to mock Olympic announcing. You must have funny hosts. Have a Bryant
Gumball host and a Mary Lou Retna commentator to go along with him. They talk
about Olympic nose blowing and comment on your first contestant (in a
gymnastics uniform, loosening up, chalking the hands). You can talk about how
she blew out a nostril on her last blow and really shouldn’t be competing but
the team may need this to win the gold. Great comments like, “Would you
look at the nostrils on her, Mary. I bet kissing her is like double dating a
two car garage.” “It’s snot really possible to get a perfect 10
here.” You may want to bring in judges. She picks up hankie, hobbles on
one leg, gets a score, wins, whatever. Announcers can toss to end skit, “and
to Bruce Jenner and company for a look at the indoor javelin catching
competition.”

22. Talk
Show Travesty Skit

Here’s
your chance to mock the favorite daytime talk show trash of your choice. Do it
up like any show you wish. Today your guests are students who their whole life
have only used one word. One guest female only say “OK” (flightily)
to everything, one large tough guy only says “dude,” and a third
burnout guy only says “whoa.” You begin with the girl. Questions are
like: What has life been like for you? How do you communicate with your
parents? How do you do in school?” She answers these with some undertones
to each OK. Your host mentions that peer pressure sure must be tough in today’s
school. Would she jump off a bridge if her friends did? She hesitates with a thoughtful
face, then perks up dizzily and says OK. Next you work on the burnout
“whoa” guy. Ask him questions about how he feels about things. For
example, what do you think about your life? How does your girlfriend feel about
this? What do you feel when kids pick on you? He answers each with undertones
to match his whoas. Finally you work on the “dude.” He answers each
similar question with an attitude or excitement depending on the question. The
interviewer is concerned that these people can’t really communicate so he goes
to the audience with questions. Kids planted in the audience ask the dud guy
what he’d do if someone stole his bike. He grabs a chair and swings it around
while yelling violently “dude!” The kid with the questions shakes his
head and says “right on man! I hear you!” The interviewer shrugs his
shoulders and says he wants to watch each of he guys ask the girl out on a
date. Dude guy turns to her and says real romantically and with the nod of a
head to the door “dude.” She looks lovingly at him and sighs
“OK.” Dude guy acts all cocky then. Whoa boy then turns to her and
caresses her cheek and says whoa real intensely. She sighs and reaches for his
hand and says “OK.” He smiles and she moves closer to him. Dude guy
comes over to whoa boy and says toughly “Dude!” Whoa boy acts all
scared and says “whoa, whoa” defensively. Soon they scuffle and dud
guy picks up whoa boy and tosses him out. He leaves yelling “whoa.”
Dude turns to OK girl and offers his hand. She takes it and say “OK!”
They walk off happily together. Your host wraps up and tells them to tune in
tomorrow for more.

23. Commercial
Skits

Any
commercial can be fair game for a one-timer skit. Keep your eyes open. For
example, mocking the milk commercials have worked well. Also, we have used a
little puppet with a kid’s face screened on like the Nike Little Penny Hardaway
commercials.

24. Da
Tre Berrese Skit

(an
Italian Fairy Tale)

Uans
oppona taim ues tre Berrese. Mama berre, Papa berre, e Bebi berre live ine
contri nire foresta…naise aus.

Unno
dai, pappa, mama, e bebi go tuda biche anie forghette locha di dorre. Bai en
bai commese Goldilachese. Schi garra nattinghe tudo batta meiche troble.

Schi
puschie olle fudde daon di naute. No leve cromme. Dan schi gos appesterese enne
slipse in alle beddse…leise slobbe!

Bai enne
bai commese omme de tre berrese. Alle sonnebrande enne sandinna scius. Dei
garra no fudde; garra no beddse en wara dei goine due to Goldilachese? Tro erre
inne strit? Colle pullisemenne? Fette cienze! Dei vas Italian berres!

Goldilachese
stei derra tre unniddase. Schi etta aute auseun homme. Ongusta becose dei asche
erra to meiche de beddse schi sai “go jumpe in di lache!” enne runne
omma criane tu erra mam, tellen erre vat sansigunses di tre berres vor!

Vatsi
use? Varrjugoine du? Go complieneto sittiole?

De ende!

25. Irate
Neighbor Skit

(For
this skit to work, you need to have the angry neighbor be played by an adult
who the kids do not know. A good idea is a man on your committee. It’s crucial
that no kid recognizes this guy, though.) First appearance: angry neighbor
knocks on the door loudly, claiming a car is parking his driveway (which is a
leaders car, and they go out to move it) Angry neighbor is slightly ticked off,
and asks for everybody to try and hold it down a little. Second appearance:
after a song (preferably a loud one), angry neighbor knocks again louder, and
is angry because of the noise. He asks who’s in charge of this, and a leader
tries to calm him down. The neighbor says stuff like he just got home from a
long day at work, and he can’t relax with all the noise. He’s a little louder
this time, and a little more confrontational. After the leader reassures the
angry neighbor, he leaves. By this time, the kids probably can’t believe what a
jerk this guy is. Third and last appearance: a few minutes later, during one
more really loud song, (or a loud game, or anything loud) he busts in the door,
and gets right in the leaders face, poking him in the chest, telling him he’s
going to call the police if he doesn’t shut this “meeting” down
immediately. Then, the leader starts to get mad back. He reaches behind
something, (a counter or anything) and produces a cream pie and smashes it in
the face of the angry neighbor, then grabs him by his shirt and throws him out
the door. The kids either are hooting and hollering, or are freaked out that
the leader would actually do something like that. Next, (and this is important)
the leader brings the angry neighbor back in, and tells everybody it’s all a
gag. This skit is a great way to introduce the kids to a guy on committee (who
doesn’t mind getting thrashed), and also show another adult who loves YL and
kids. Remember: if one kid knows about it early, it’ll probably blow the whole
thing. You can’t do this very often, not even once a year, because a kid will
probably remember it, and then pipe up during club. Have fun!

26. Who’s
On First Skit

This is
an Abbot And Costello skit. You will need to memorize the script and baseball
uniforms work well for this one.

27. Bus
Stop Skit

You will
need the Lion Sleeps Tonight music, costumes, pick pocket set up, and a
bus stop scene. All of the leaders can be in this one. Everyone is sitting at
the bus stop, waiting for the bus. Two people with trench-coats on are also
there. These two get into a conversation about how every day they all come to
the same bus stop but never interact. One starts singing the Lion Sleeps
Tonight
 song, the other person joins in, gradually everyone is doing it
until they are all dancing around singing. One person says that the bus is
there, and the group acts like they are getting on (leaving the room). The
first two people stay back and start pulling things out of there jacket asking
each other what they got (they were pick-pocketing all the others while they
were dancing).

28. Grecian
Urn Skit

You will
need togas, water, and music. 4 or five people spit water in a ballerina type
fashion making a human fountain while going along with the music. It works well
for each person to have a pitcher of water.

29. Lone
Ranger Skit

You will
need 4 hats, 4 guns, 2 masks, lighters, costumes, and the radio story. Plus the
radio story needs to be memorized.

30. King
And Queen Skit

You will
need two people, costumes for a king, queen, princess, gatekeeper, suitor, and
the script memorized.

31. We
Are The World Skit

You will
need uniforms for everyone and the song. Play the song with all of your leaders
acting out and lip-synching the different parts.

32. Chair
Wrestling Skit

You will
need a folding chair, wrestling singlet, headgear, music, and a strobe light.
The wrestler will come into the room as if entering a big prize-fight, with the
folding chair up front. After the wrestler gets into his wresting stance the
lights go down and the strobe light comes on as the wrestling begins. Go
through a few moves (be sure to include holding the chair above your head and
bringing it back down with a big slam) and end either with the chair or the
wrestler winning — however you want it.

33. YMCA
Skit

You will
need 5 people for the Indian, cowboy, police, construction worker and army guy.

34. Junior
Class Play Skit

You will
need four people for the doctor, director, mother and child.

Mother:
(enters sweeping the floor)

Son:
(comes in the room holding his stomach) Mother, I’ve been shot.

Mother:
Oh, my son.

Son: I
think I will die mother.

Mother:
Oh, son you must not do that. I will call the doctor. (She picks up the phone.)
Doctor, Doctor do come quickly, my son has been shot and is dying.

Doctor:
(enters immediately as mother hangs up the phone)

Mother:
Where have you been, this is an emergency.

Doctor:
I had an emergency appendectomy after you called, but I got here as soon as I
could.

Son: I
feel sick.

Mother:
You look sick.

Doctor:
You ARE SICK.

Son: I
think I will die.

Mother:
You must not die.

Doctor:
He is dead.

Director:
Cut, cut, cut…

First
time: Have all the actors read the script with no feeling or emotion. Then the
director stops the scene and says there must be more emotion…

Second
time: Do it with wild emotion; it’s the saddest thing ever done…weeping and
wailing, with very pronounced actions. The director stops again, saying that
that was a little too much sadness, this time make it a little lighter…

Third
time: It is now very, very funny. Laugh until it hurts.

You can
add other variations, such as a hippie (he needs more social identity, etc.)
Costumes and props are key.

35. Light
And Fluffy Skit

You will
need two people, whipped cream, water, and costumes. They go back and forth
asking each other if they like light and fluffy, in their ear, on their nose,
on their head, in their shorts, etc. until there is whipped cream everywhere.
In between they sing the “light and fluffy song”, “Light and
fluffy, we like light and fluffy, light and fluffy, we like light and
fluffy” while dancing around. They finish by cleaning each other off by
dumping water all over each other.

36. 2001
Bowling, Golf and Baseball Skits

You will
need 3 people, the 2001 Space Odyssey theme song, strobe light, golf
ball, baseball, and bowling costumes. These are really three skits with the
same idea. In each one the lights are out and the strobe light comes on, with
the theme song from the 2001 Space Odyssey on loudly. Then two people go
through a scene of golfing or baseball or bowling, using the music for dramatic
effect.

37. Pass
It Down Skit

You will
need 4 males and 3 females, popcorn, candy bar, pop and one nerd costume. Have
five chairs up front representing a movie theater with 2 of the guys and one
female sitting watching a movie. The next two characters come in dressed in
very nerdy costumes and acting as if they are out on a date. The guy is
carrying popcorn, candy bar, and the pop. They notice that there are only two
seats left so one person sits on one end, and the other on the other end. The
guy takes out the candy bar, takes a bite, and then asks the next person to
pass it down to his date. The people in the middle continue to pass the candy
bar down, but each takes a bite so that it is gone by the time it gets down to
the date. The same thing happens with the popcorn and the pop. Then, the first
guy tries to put his arm around the person sitting next to him, and then asks
him/her to “pass it down” which they do. The guy next to the nerdy
girl does it, she kind of likes it, and he leaves his arm there. The first guy
starts to get upset, but then passes down a kiss, which makes it’s way all the
way down the line. The last two “kiss passionately” (hand over mouth
type). The first guy goes crazy, but the last two walk out together.

38. M&M
Commercial Skit

You will
need two people, M&M’s, chocolate syrup, dresses, white gloves, and an
announcer costume.

39. Howdy
Buckeroo Skit

If the
leaders in your group have a tough time memorizing lines, this skit might be
perfect for them. Four characters are needed; a mechanical quick-draw cowboy
dressed in full cowboy garb, two warehouse employees dressed appropriately and
a third employee. Only the mechanical quick-draw cowboy need remember any
lines. They should be spoken in a mechanical manner: “Howdy Buckaroo. So
you think you can beat me, eh? Put on the holster at my feet and on the count
of three, draw! Are you ready? One…two…three!”

The only
props you will need are tow gun-and-holster sets, one of which should be loaded
with blanks.

The play
begins with the two warehouse employees rolling in the mechanical slot-machine
“cowboy” for storage. The extra gun-and-holster set is placed at the
feet of the mechanical “cowboy”.

The
third employee walks in and seeing the robot, decides to try his luck. He reads
the instructions printed on the chest of the mechanical man and then places a
quarter in the slot. The robot winds up and gives the memorized spiel. The
employee is unable to pick up the extra gun and holster set because it’s
trapped under the boot of the mechanical cowboy. He panics and turns to run as
the robot counts to three and shoots the employee.

Not to
be outdone, the employee lifts the robot’s leg and puts on the gun set before
inserting another quarter. He even practices his quick-draw skills several
times. Feeling quite secure with himself, he insets another quarter. The
message is repeated but this time the gun sticks in the holster and again he is
shot.

For the
final attempt, the employee pulls his gun, stands to the side and holds his gun
to the robot’s head and inserts another quarter. The robot repeats the message
except that this time the mechanical cowboy winds down in the middle of
“two”. The employee bangs on the robot a couple of times to get him moving
again, but no response. Disgusted, he takes off the gun, sets his down at the
robot’s feet and turns to walk off. The robot continues suddenly with the rest
of the pre-recorded message, says “three” and shoots the employee.

40. William
Tell or Bahamian Rhapsody Skit

You will
need all of your leaders, costumes (garbage bags maybe), a conductor costume,
and music. Play the song with different people or groups of people acting like
they are playing the different instruments, with a conductor out front. At the
end everyone falls into a pile.

41. Dueling
Nostils

You will
need 2 people, penlights, and the Dueling Banjos song off from the soundtrack
of the movie Deliverance. Two people come in very seriously, dressed in
concert costumes (maybe tuxedos), and instrument cases. They set their cases
down, open then up, and then pull out Q-tips. They clean out their noses with
the Q-tips, and then put the penlights up into their noses, which is the cue
for the lights to go out and the music to start. They then go back and forth
with one person following the guitar and the other following the banjo,
lighting up the lights which makes their noses glow red. After the song is done
they very seriously pack up their things and leave the room.

42. The
Fly In The Library Skit

You will
need 4 people and someone to make the fly noise in the background, a book,
flour, a glass and a librarian costume. Play baseball, do CPR, and then high 5
the fly with someone in the back making the fly noises into a microphone.

43. If
I Were Not In Young Life Skit

You will
need 5 people. Possible characters are: an undertaker, birdwatcher, farmer,
surfer, stewardess, ice cream maker, Mac D’s Worker, Post, ballerina, etc. The
song goes, “If I were not in Young Life, I know just what I’d be. If I
were not in Young Life, a ____________ I would be. And each person in turn
jumps in and does his or her character all in rhythm.

Undertaker:
Well, well, well, you never can tell, if their going to heaven or if their
going to…Well, well, well

Birdwatcher:
Hark, a lark, flying through the park, splat

Farmer:
Come on Bessy give, the baby’s got to live!

Surfer:
Hey, Dave, totally awesome wave!

Stewardess:
Here’s your coffee, here’s your tea, here’s your paper bag, blahh!

Ice
Cream Maker: Ushy Gushy, ushy gushy, good ice cream.

Post: A
post, a post, a post. A post, a post, a post.

Balleriana:
Tippy, tippy toe, tippy toe, tippy toe

44. Contagious
Ward Skit

You will
need 6 people, pregnant woman costume and a nurse costume. The room is set up
like a doctor’s office with a nurse at the desk. The first person comes in and
says that they have an appointment to see the doctor and sits down. The second
person comes in sneezing like crazy, says that they have an appointment and
then sits down. Gradually the first person starts to sneeze and the second
person sneezes less and less, until only the first person is sneezing. The
second person notices that he/she isn’t sneezing anymore and then walks out.
Another person comes in coughing uncontrollably, says that they have an
appointment, and then sits down. Gradually the first person starts to cough
(while still sneezing) and the third person coughs less and less, until only
the first person is coughing (and sneezing). The third person notices that
he/she isn’t coughing anymore and then walks out. The same thing happens with
someone who is itching all over, until finally a pregnant woman walks in. The
first person screams and runs out of the room.

45. Mother
Skit

You will
need two people, the memorized script, diapers, bibs, and bonnets.

46. Hiccup
Skit

You may
sell this one as a time to think back about a time when you had the hiccups.
Lights go off and back on (a little you sits in a chair facing club and
hiccuping). Frustrated with the hiccuping you say aloud that you wish you could
get rid of them. In back of you a person dressed in a mask, bandanna, or
something like that sneaks up to try to scare you. Just as he/she is about to
scare you, you shout, “I know, I’ll drink some water!” You jump up
and the guy/girl behind dives the other way to avoid being seen (remember to
keep hiccuping).

You come
back with a glass of water, take a sip, but hiccup really hard and throw the
water behind you onto the guy/girl as they began sneaking up on you again. Just
as he/she is about to pounce on you again you stand and yell, “I know,
I’ll stand on my head!”

You try
this but hiccup again while upside down. Same scenario, you try to breathe in
paper bag…as he/she gets close you pop it in frustration and he/she grabs their
ears like you just made them deaf.

Finally
after he/she regroups, they sneak up on you for the last time and you turn and
scream at him/her. He/she jumps and you laugh and then realize you’ve lost your
hiccups and leave excited.

The
scared guy/girl gets up, takes off his/her mask, looks at the crowd, and
hiccups. You may also do this in reverse by remembering back to the time you
wanted to help someone with their hiccups.

47. The
Bucket Trick Skit
This is one you play on the entire group. You need one helper.
Announce that you have a bucket of water from the fountain of youth. (Or any
story that you want to make up.) Have a volunteer take a drink of water (he is
your clued-in helper.) The bucket is brought in, and the audience can’t see
inside it, but it is really a bucket of rice or confetti with a dipper sticking
out of it. Inside the dipper is some water. The outside of the dipper must be
dry so that no rice will stick to it. You take the dipper out of the bucket,
pour the water into a glass, and the volunteer drinks it. He waits, starts
acting like a two year old, grabs the bucket, and throws it’s contents all over
the audience.

47. The
Stand In Skit
Characters:1. Director (wearing a beret, scarf, dark glasses,
etc.)2. Camera Man (with a “movie camera” of some kind. Try using an
old fashioned meat grinder on a tripod to look like a camera.)

3. Make
Up Man (with a sack of and a powder puff)

4. The
Hero (handsome, dressed in white)

5. The
beautiful girl

6.
Bartender (or soda jerk…)

7. The
Sucker (the stand-in)

The skit
begins with an apparent movie-making set-up. The hero is sitting in a chair,
next to the girl, getting ready to kiss her, and the camera man is moving
around taking pictures, the director is directing the action, apparently
intrigued with the whole thing, as he has never seen a real movie set before.
He walks in front of the “camera” and interrupts the action.

SUCKER:
Wow, a real movie. I wish I could be in a movie

DIRECTOR:
(in rage) CUT! CUT! You! Get out of here! You’ve just ruined a perfect take!.
Beat it! Scram!

SUCKER:
(runs off disappointed) Shucks. I sure wish I could be a movie star.

DIRECTOR:
(thinks a second) Hey! Wait a minute! You! (points to the sucker) Do you want
to be in a movie? I think we can use you! (he whispers to the hero something
and they both smile.)

SUCKER:
(overjoyed) Really! Wow! I’m a star! Oh boy! Where do I start? Where are my
lines?…

DIRECTOR:
Just wait a minute and we’ll show you.

The
action continues, and the hero sits again by the girl, says a bunch of mushy
things to her, and then starts to kiss her. When he does, the brings back her
hand to slap the hero’s face…

DIRECTOR:
Cut! O.K., bring in the stand-in! (The sucker takes the place of the hero in
the chair) Make-up! (The make-up man comes in and throws a bunch of flour in
the sucker’s face.) Action!

The
sucker starts to kiss the girl and she slaps him across the face so hard that
he falls over backwards in his chair.

DIRECTOR:
Cut! Great! All right let’s have scene two…Action!

The hero
crawls along the floor, crying “Water, water, give me some water…”

DIRECTOR:
Cut! Bring in the stand-in! (He comes in and takes the hero’s place) Make-up!
(Make-up man throws more flour in his face.) Action! Roll-em!

The
sucker crawls along the ground and yells “water.” An off-stage helper
brings in a big bucket of water and dumps it all over him.

DIRECTOR:
Cut! Perfect! All right, let’s have scene three…Action!

The hero
walks up to a bar and orders some milk. The bartender gives him some milk and
he drinks it. Then he orders some pie. The bartender says, “Do you really
want some pie?” The hero says, “Yeah, give me some pie.” The
bartender reaches for some pie…

DIRECTOR:
Cut! Bring in the stand in! (The sucker enters looking pretty bewildered at the
whole thing)… make up… (He gets more flour in the face)… action!

The
sucker stands at the bar, demands the pie, and the bartender throws the pie
(big cream pie) in his face.

DIRECTOR:
Cut…Perfect… Tremendous! … Well, that’s it for today!

Everybody
leaves, leaving the stand-in with a puzzled look on his face. He shrugs his
shoulders and walks off stage.

48. The
Psychiatrist
This is a skit that requires two persons: the psychiatrist and
his patient. The scene is the doctor’s office. The only props needed are a
couch (for the patient to lie down on) and a chair for the doctor. The skit
begins with a knock on the doctor’s door, and he answers it.

MAN: Oh,
ah, hello there… are you Dr. Kaseltzer, the psychiatrist?

DOC: Yes
I am, and that will be 20 dollars. What other questions can I help you with?

MAN:
Well my name is Mr. Gaspocket… I have an appointment.

DOC: Oh
yes, what’s the nature of your problem?

MAN:
Well I’m trying to break – bark!- a nervous habit.

DOC:
Well, maybe I can help you.

MAN:
Thanks, doc. – bark!

DOC: How
long has this been going on?

MAN: Oh,
ever since I was a teenager – bark!

DOC:
Hmmm… Think back. Did a vicious dog ever frighten you?

MAN:
Huh? I don’t get it.

DOC:
Well, these problems can often be traced to a single event.

MAN: No.
This is just a -bark!- nervous habit.

DOC:
Have you ever tried to break it?

MAN: Oh
yes! I’ve tried lots of things, such as wearing gloves.

DOC:
Wait a minute. You’ve tried wearing gloves?

MAN:
Yes, well, you know, I thought if I would start wearing gloves, I might stop
biting my nails.

DOC:
Biting your nails?

MAN:
Well, yes. That’s the nervous habit I was telling you about.

DOC: You
mean you came to see me just because you bite your nails?

MAN:
Well, certainly. What else- bark!- what else in the world – bark!- would I have
on my mind?

DOC:
Maybe you should lie down and tell me all about it.

MAN:
Well, I’m not allowed on the furniture.

DOC:
That’s all right, I don’t mind.

MAN:
Well, all right. You see, one reason I get nervous and bite my nails is -bark!-
because of my mother.

DOC:
Your mother?

MAN:
Well, she always makes sleep on a bunch of newspapers down in the cellar.
Somehow, she got this crazy quirk, you know, she got it in her mind, now you
won’t believe this, but she got to the point that she imagined that I went
around the house, now listen to this, that I went around the house barking like
a dog!

DOC: You
think she imagined this?

MAN:
Well, I know she did, you know, she finally wrote to a doctor about me… a
Veterinarian.

DOC: Oh
really? And what did he say?

MAN: I
don’t know. I never let the mailman near the house. -bark!

DOC:
This goes deeper than I thought. I’m going to try the word association test.
I’ll say a word and you say the first word that comes to your mind…Table!

MAN:
Chair.

DOC:
Ball.

MAN:
Bat.

DOC:
Flower.

MAN:
Rose.

DOC:
Cat.

MAN:
Bark!

DOC: Dog
Catcher.

MAN:
Bark! Bark! Bark!

DOC:
I’ll tell you what. This is going to require some consultation. Why don’t you
come in next Thursday?

MAN: Oh,
no, Doc, couldn’t you make it another day? I don’t want to miss
“Lassie.”

DOC:
Okay. How about Monday night around 7:30?

MAN:
Nope, that’s Young Life night.

DOC:
Okay, let’s make it Tuesday. Good day, sir.

MAN:
(exits) Bark! Bark!

49. Little
Red Riding Hood Skit

The
following skit requires only two characters. One is a guy dressed up like
“Little Red Riding Hood” (a red raincoat with a hood or a red scarf
should be worn.) The other is the wolf (dressed in black.) Little Red has a
basket covered with a towel. Inside the basket is a blank (starters) gun.
Little Red skips into the room with her basket…

RED: (to
audience) I’m Little Red Riding Hood and I’m going to Gramma’s house with this
basket of goodies! (skip around the stage area)

WOLF:
(jumps in front of Red) Boo!

RED:
EEK! EEK! Boy are you ugly!

WOLF:
I’m the Big Bad Wolf and I’m going to eat you all up!

RED: But
I’m just poor Little Red Riding Hood and I’m going to Gramma’s house with this
basket of goodies. You wouldn’t want to disappoint poor old Gramma now would
you?

WOLF:
You got a point there. I’ll let you go this time. Maybe I’ll run into the three
pigs somewhere along the way.

Riding
Hood skips off around the room and the wolf turns to the audience and says:

WOLF: Ha
Ha Ha, what Little Red Riding Hood doesn’t know is that I’m going to beat her
to Gramma’s house. I’ll take a shortcut through the strawberry patch… sort of
a “strawberry shortcut…”

The wolf
gets under a blanket on the floor and Riding Hood arrives.

RED:
Knock! Knock!

WOLF:
Who’s there? (in a high voice)

RED:
Yah!

WOLF:
Yah-who! Ah, just come an in already.

RED: Hi,
Gramma. Gee, what big ears you have Gramma.

WOLF:
What? Oh, yeah… all the better to hear you with, my dear, heh-heh!

RED: And
what big eyes you have Gramma.

WOLF:
All the better to see you with, my dear.

RED: And
what big nose you have, Gramma.

WOLF:
All the better to smell your goodies with, my dearie.

RED: And
what big teeth you have Gramma.

WOLF:
(jumps up out of the blanket) Yeah! All the better to eat you with…!

Riding
Hood pulls the gun out of the basket and shoots about six shots into the wolf.

WOLF:
(staggers, falls to his knees) Well folks, the moral of this story
is…”Little girls just ain’t as dumb as they used to be.”(falls
down)

50. The
Hamburger Skit

Characters:

The
customer

The
waiter

The cook
(wearing no shirt, only a cooks apron)

Props:
table and chairs, set up like a restaurant

Plate of
food, including a hamburger

A door
near table to the “kitchen,” offstage

The
customer enters the restaurant and sits down. The waiter approaches the table
and asks for his order. This needs to be finished yet…

51. Witch
Skit

This
skit requires two guys. One is dressed up like a “witch”, with the
usual witch-looking apparel: a black hat and dress, long crooked nose, scraggly
wig, and a broom. The other guy is an average but good-looking young man who is
extremely depressed and is about to commit suicide. As the skit begin, we find
him ready to “end it all”…

MAN: I can’t
take it any longer! I’ve lost my family, my job, my friends, and my house
burned down. Life is not worth living! I’m going to end it all right now…

WITCH:
(Enters and speaks in a squeaky voice.) What are you doing, young man? Ha ha ha
ha ha ha ha. (and other witch sounds)

MAN:
Life just isn’t worth living. I’ve lost all my friends, family, job, and all my
possessions, and now I’m going to jump off this cliff and end it all.

WITCH:
Oh no, don’t do that!

MAN: Why
shouldn’t I?

WITCH:
Because, tee-hee, I’m a witch with magic powers and I can give you back
everything you lost and more! I’ll grant you three wishes! Tee-hee-hee! Three
wishes!!!

MAN: You
mean that you can give me three wishes? Wow, that’s tremendous! I wouldn’t have
to end it all! Wait a minute. How do I know that your are telling me the truth?
How do I know you are really a witch.?

WITCH:
Of course, I’m a witch. Don’t I look like a witch? Ha ha ha ha hee hee hee.
I’ll give you your three wishes in exchange for one small favor.

MAN: One
favor? (skeptical) I knew there must be a catch. What do you want from me?

WITCH:
Three kisses. It’s a fair exchange. Three wishes for three kisses!

MAN: I
think I’ll just jump away

WITCH:
Think of all you’ll be able to wish for in three wishes!

MAN: (He
finally decides to go ahead with it, so he takes the witch in his arms, and
begins to kiss her. After each kiss, the young man makes repulsive gesture,
spitting each time. Extreme distaste is shown after the last kiss and with it a
great sigh of relief. The witch on the other hand, shows extreme enjoyment with
each time she is kissed). Okay, now that that is over, I want my three wishes.

WITCH:
First of all, tell me how old you are sonny?

MAN: (He
tells her his age.)

WITCH:
And you still believe in witches at that age?? Hahahahaha-hehehehe (exits
laughing to herself)

52. Leaving
Home Skit

Need two
characters. A man sits in a chair reading a newspaper. A woman enters with a
coat on and carrying a suitcase. She is apparently very upset. The man in the
chair could care less.

Woman:
“I’ve had it! I’m through! I’m leaving this crummy rotten house and all
these crummy kids and going home to mother! I’m sick and tired of ironing,
mopping, and cleaning up after you day in and day out! I tell you, I’ve had it!
No more! I’m leaving and don’t ask me to come back because I’m leaving for
good!” (sobbing) “Goodbye!” (She stomps out of the room).

Man:
(somewhat bewildered, turns to and offstage room and yells) “Alice, dear! The maid
just quit!”

53. Restaurant
Skit

Rehearsed-requires
4 guys

Props:
Something to look like restaurant tables and chairs, apron, hot dog, spoon, and
a camping kettle.

Two boys
come into a third class restaurant; only one other customer is in there. One of
the guys tells the other customer he should hang his coat and hat on the back
of his chair instead of the coat rack because the restaurant has a bad
reputation for stealing things. An Italian waiter with an accent comes in
wearing a filthy apron. They begin to order. He has no menu but says that they
have soup and hot dog.

1st
Man: I’ll take the soup.

2nd
Man: I’ll have the same

Waiter:
Wait just a minute. If he takes the soup you have to take the hot dog.

2nd
Man: All right, put some mustard on it please. (Waiter exits)

3rd
Man: (who came in alone) Did you say they steal your coats?

1st
Man: They’d steal the shirt off your back if they thought they could get it.

3rd
Man: Well I’m going to keep and eye on mine. (Watches his coat on coat rack). I
wish they’d take my order. I’ve been sitting here since before you came in.

The
waiter enters, singing bits of Italian opera, carrying the soup in an ugly
camping type kettle. He drops the spoon on the floor, wipes it off on his apron
and hands it to the 1st man. He exits and returns with a bare hot dog in his
hand and gives it to the 2nd man.

2nd
Man: Waiter, I asked for mustard on my hot dog. This one’s plain.

Waiter:
That’s a-right-a (looks over apron). Here’s some. (He wipes mustard from apron
onto hot dog.)

1st
Man: Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup.

Waiter:
Quiet, or everybody will want one. (He takes the fly and squeezes it in the
soup, while telling the fly, “Now you spit every bit of that out”)

3rd
Man: (disgusted, gets up to leave). “I’m getting out of here” (walks
out in shorts-his pants have been stolen).

54. The
Lie Detector Skit

Props:
Vase, coin with a string tied to it (a coin with a hole in it works best). The

string
should be invisible to the audience, probably a heavier thread, and a man with
the other end of the string. Requires a boy and a girl, and advanced rehearsal.
This play should be re-worked so the dialogue fits the school situation, but
the basic idea will remain the same.

A large
vase that can be broken is on a table. The boy sits holding the coin which has
a thread long enough so it can be passed from the boy to the girl, and put in
the vase.

BOY: I
don’t see anything unusual about this coin, yet my friend who gave it to me
insisted that it has magic powers. He said that when it is placed in a vase it
serves as a lie detector, and that the bigger the lie the more agitated the
coin becomes, and if an unusually big lie was told, it might even explode and
break the jar. Well, I’m going to drop it in this old vase, and see what
happens.

GIRL:
(entering) Oh, I beg your pardon. I didn’t know that there was a boy in here.
(The coin begins to jump up and down in the jar as the man behind the curtain
pulls the thread).

BOY: Oh,
that’s right. I’ve just returned from Arabia
and know only a few people here. I’m glad to have the opportunity to meeting
you. Are you going with anyone?

GIRL:
Oh, mercy no. (The coin jumps up and down). Being a student I have always been
so busy with my studies and travels that I have never had time to think about
boys. (The coin starts jumping up and down vigorously).

BOY:
I’ve always been the same way about girls. (The coin jumps)

GIRL:
Haven’t you ever been in love?

BOY: No,
not until this minute (coin jumps). I suspect that you have had many boyfriends
you never even knew about…secret admirers.

GIRL:
No, I’m sure not. I’ve always been too shy.

BOY: You
have been lying to me.

GIRL:
What do you mean?

BOY: In
that vase on the table I have place a magic coin that a friend gave me. He
picked it up in Mesopotamia and gave it to me
when we were on the same boat coming back form the East. He told me that it
would become agitated and jump up and down when anyone told a lie. I didn’t
believe it, but I placed it in the vase just before you came in, and each time
you told a lie it has jumped up and down in the vase. (The boy takes coin form
the vase, shows it to her, and puts it back in).

GIRL: I
don’t believe that this is a magic coin. I would not lie to a tall, dark,
handsome boy like you. (The coin becomes very agitated, and girl looks surprised).

BOY:
This coin is truly a lie detector. You should be very ashamed of yourself
telling lies about not going with anyone and never being in love. Why, I have
never told a lie in my life!

At this
point the boy behind the curtain upsets the table so that the jar is smashed!

55. The
Big Date Skit

Bill and
Karen have just met each other after being introduced by common friends. This
is the first date for both. They have just arrived at a local restaurant for a
meal.

BILL:
(embarrassed) Hi Karen

KAREN:
(equally embarrassed) Hi Bill.

BILL:
(still embarrassed) Hi Karen.

KAREN:
(still embarrassed) Hi Bill.

BILL:
Gosh, this is so…(he leaves sentence floating)

KAREN:
Yes, it is so…(she also leaves the sentence floating)

BILL:
Karen, ah, have you had many dates before?

KAREN:
The only date I’ve ever had was on August 13th

BILL: Oh
really, what was that?

KAREN:
My birthday. (Karen then drops her comb on the floor)

BILL: Oh
here! I’ll get it (As he stoops over, he falls down on the floor.) I guess I
fell for that one, but at least I had nice trip. (As Bill stands up, he forgets
to pick up the comb)

KAREN:
Oh Bill, you’re so funny! (She is suddenly serious.) But would you mind picking
up my comb?

BILL:
(embarrassed) Oh yeah, I guess I forgot. (As Bill squats down, sound effects
are heard of his pants ripping. As he reaches behind him to check out that part
ripped, he falls backwards from his squatting position over to his back. At
that moment a waiter comes to take the order and not seeing Bill, he trips over
him and falls to the floor.)

DAREN:
Oh my goodness!

WAITER:
(regaining composure)What in the world were you doing on the floor sir? Aren’t
our seats comfortable enough?

BILL: Oh
no. The seats are just fine. I was just checking to see if the floor was on the
level.

WAITER:
(unbelievingly) I don’t know about the floor, but are you on the level? (The
waiter then notices the rip, and seeing the chance for a pun replies…) By the
way sir, something has happened to your pants.

BILL:
Yes, I know. Isn’t that a rip-off? (Both men stand)

WAITER:
Well would you like me to do anything?

BILL:
Yeah, how about turning your head when I leave?

WAITER:
(unbelievingly) Sure thing…Hey. I’ll be back in a minute to take your order.
(As the waiter leaves, Bill sits back down at the table.)

KAREN:
Bill, I really appreciate your efforts, but my comb is still on the floor.

BILL:
I’m sorry, Karen, but that waiter crushed my ear when he fell on me. What did
you say?

KAREN: I
said my comb is still on the floor.

BILL:
(sheepishly)Your phone is in the store?

KAREN:
No! MY COMB IS STILL ON THE FLOOR!

BILL:
(sheepishly) Oh! I’m sorry. (He bends down and gets the comb) Well, we may as
well order, there’s no use in waiting around.

KAREN: I
don’t mind waiting. Sometimes I even like to wait around.

BILL:
What?

KAREN: I
said, it gives me a lift sometimes to wait.

BILL:
Yea, I like weightlifting too.

KAREN:
Oh good-grief. Not to change the subject, but what did you do today?

BILL: I
got things all straightened out.

KAREN:
What do you mean?

BILL: I
mean I did all my ironing. Aren’t you impressed?

KAREN:
Not really, I did my laundry today.

BILL: I
thought I smelled bleach! But I thought it was just your hair

KAREN:
(offended) well, I never…

BILL:
Well you ought to, I can’t stand the color of your hair.

KAREN:
Bill! You’ve hurt my feelings!

BILL:
(Bashfully)Oh, I’m sorry. Speaking of laundry, so you know the money changing
the machines they have in there?

KAREN:
Well, not personally, but go ahead.

BILL:
Well, I wanted to prove how stupid those machines are, so I put a 5 dollar bill
in one and it still gave me change for a dollar. Just to make sure it was no
fluke, I put a 10 dollar bill in the next time and it still gave me
change for a dollar. I’ll bet you never realized how stupid those machines are,
have you?

KAREN:
That doesn’t make sense.

BILL:
What do you mean?

KAREN: I
mean you lost 13 dollars and you are saying the machines are stupid.

BILL:
Well, I only did it for the change.

KAREN:
That’s what all the moneychangers are for, a change.

BILL:
That makes sense.

WAITER:
I don’t mean to interrupt, but are you ready to order?

BILL:
Huh?

WAITER:
Your order?

BILL:
What?

WAITER:
ORDER! ORDER!

BILL:
What are you, a judge?

WAITER:
I don’t know about that, but whenever I got to play tennis I wind up in court.

BILL:
You ought to get out of that racket.

WAITER:
(looks up and states pleadingly) Why me? Have you decided what you would like
to eat?

BILL:
Yes, I’ll take the New York Sirloin steak, baked potatoes, corn, tossed salad
with French dressing and a large Coke. That’s all.

KAREN:
What about me Bill?

BILL:
(surprised)Aren’t you going to buy your own?

KAREN:
Of course not. It’s not proper.

BILL:
OK, OK. Waiter, she’ll have a small Coke.

WAITER:
You’re not going too far overboard are you?

BILL:
Don’t be silly. We’re nowhere near water, much less on a ship.

KAREN:
You may be right there, but you’re still all wet. (Karen then throws her glass
of water all over Bill and they exit.)

56. Sumo
Wrestlers Skit

For this
skit you’ll need two guys, preferably of a muscular or flabby physique, dressed
in diapers (use a white sheet for the uniforms). You will also need an
announcer with a good voice and something he or she can use as a microphone,
such as a vacuum hose.

Have the
2 wrestlers come stomping into the room, circling each other and snorting at
each other with deep voices. The announcer introduces the first man a Yamahaha,
who then steps forward, bows with folded hands and slowly laughs with a deep
voice and a Japanese accent, “ha ha ha ha ha.” He then throws rice
over each shoulder. This procedure is repeated when the announcer introduces
Korimoto-ho, who then responds with a “ho ho ho”.

After
their introduction, the 2 wrestlers begin fighting. They never touch each or to
speak, except the occasional “ha ha’s” and “ho ho’s”. The
fight is conducted by each fighter doing to himself what he really wants to do
to his opponent. The opponent responds — at the same time — by reacting to the
hold or punch as if it really happened to him.

While
this is going on, the announcer calls the play-by-play, describing finger
bends, nostril lifts, toe stomps, navel jabs, and armpit hair pulls. With some
good actors this event can be hilarious.

57. Mashed
Potato Skit

A man
comes into a restaurant (table and chair) and sits down.

Waitress
comes in and asks for order.

MAN:
I’ll have a big pot of mashed potatoes.

WAITRESS:
Is that all?

MAN:
Yup.

WAITRESS:
No beverage?

MAN:
Nope. Just a big pot of mashed potatoes.

WAITRESS:
No salad, or soup, or desert or anything?

MAN:
Listen! All I want is a big pot of mashed potatoes.

WAITRESS:
Well, o.k. I’ll tell the cook

Waitress
goes back into a wing off stage and in a voice which everyone can hear, tells
the cook that there’s a weirdo out there that wants a big pot of mashed
potatoes.

COOK: Is
that all?

WAITRESS:
Yup. That’s all he wants.

COOK: No
salad?

WAITRESS:
Nope.

COOK: No
beverage or anything?

WAITRESS:
Nope, just a big pot of mashed potatoes.

Argument
goes on for a while. Finally the cook condescends and gives the waitress a huge
pot of mashed potatoes (get the biggest pot you can find). Waitress brings the
pot of potatoes out to the customer. He looks around suspiciously, lowers pot
to the floor and sticks his head as far into the potatoes as he can — up to his
neck. Then he proceeds to jam them into his mouth, ears, pockets, down his
shirt, etc. Finally, waitress, standing there the whole time asks the man what
the heck he’s doing with all those mashed potatoes. Man slowly looks up at the
waitress with question mark on his face . . .

MAN:
Mashed potatoes? I thought this was spinach!

Man
stands up, turns and walks out.

At this
point everyone is confused, including the waitress. Suddenly she turns . . .

WAITRESS:
Spinach — oh, I get it.

Waitress
dives into the pot of mashed potatoes head-first, mashing them all over the
place, in her hair, mouth, etc. Then she gets up and leaves. Finally the cook
who has been watching the whole thing from a distance yells . . .

COOK:
Spinach spelled backwards, I get it. Is that ever funny.

Goes
through same procedures as man, and waitress.

Now
everyone is thoroughly confused. At this point, someone comes through with a
sign saying, “What is spinach spelled backwards?” A plant in the
audience then jumps up yelling that he gets it too, and dives into the pot,
mashing it all over himself.

You can
end the skit here by having the announcer come out and suggest to the crowd
that if they think about it for a while, they’ll get it too. If this is to be
the last skit of the night, the announcer might even come out and apologize for
trying to put over such a crummy skit on the crowd. Then he pauses, and
reflectingly says “Spinach spelled backwards. . . Oh, I get it, and he
dives into the pot too.

58. Statue
In The Park Skit

One
person poses as a statue with a park bench or seat in front of him. Two people
come along to eat lunch — the statue takes some of their lunch whenever it is
left on the seat. The eaters look more and more suspiciously at each other
until they finally leave in disgust. A couple then approaches and sits down at
one end of the seat. They are in the early stages of courtship and sit rather
shyly next to each other, with no physical contact. After a while, the statue puts
an arm around the girl, who reacts sharply, slapping the face of the boy and
leaving in disgust. Then comes one of the gardeners with a bucket, mop and
feather duster. He first of all cleans the seat, then looks up at the statue.
He dusts the statue with the feather duster, while the person posing tries not
to move, sneeze, laugh. He is about to put the mop into the bucket when there
is a voice calling him offstage. He looks at his watch, yells out “I’m
coming,” picks up the bucket and throws the contents over the statue.

59. Whistler
Precision Drill Team Skit

Acquire
a copy of the Mitch Miller album where there is a cut of his choir whistling
theme song to “Bridge Over the River Kwai” or “Colonel Bogey
March.” Use as many guys as you want to involve. Each must provide a shirt
and tie, a jacket and pants, and a pair of gloves. Stuff the arms of the jacket
with paper and attach the gloves to the end of the arms. For each guy a hat
must be prepared. These are made out of cloth and heavy cardboard. The brim
must be about three feet in diameter. The hole in the center must be large
enough for it to slip over a guy’s shoulders. The bowl of the hat is made of
some cheap cloth but must be large enough so that a guy can hold his arms over
his head and yet have the brim of the hat come to just below his shoulders.
Paint a face on the naked chest and stomach of each guy with the belly button
as the mouth. Arrange the shirt, tie and jacket around the hips and fasten with
pins. The over-all effect is of some very short guys with very big heads. They
then march around the stage like a precision drill team to one of the above
tunes, acting as if they are doing the whistling by sucking in their stomachs
in and out.

60. The
Magic Bandana Skit

Two guys
come out; one is the magician, one is his not-so-smart assistant. The magician
introduces his act and sends his assistant to a table behind him and (facing
the audience) says, “Herkimer, (his assistant), do exactly as I say . .
.” (Magician can’t see him)

      1. “Pick
        up the bandana . . .” Herkimer picks up a bandana and also a banana
        that is lying on the table, looks at them, scratches his head, and puts
        the bandana down, keeps the banana.
      1. “Now,
        Herkimer, hold the bandana in your right hand . . .” Herkimer does.
      1. “Fold
        the bandana in half . . .” Herkimer folds the banana in half.
      1. “Fold
        the four corners of the bandana together . . .” Herkimer peels the
        banana and drops the peel to the floor.
      1. “Now
        stuff the bandana into your left fist, and don’t let any of it show . .
        .” Herkimer then crams the banana into his left fist, causing the
        banana to ooze out between his fingers.
      1. “Now,
        Herkimer, on the count of three, the bandana will disappear. One! Two!
        Three! Now show us your fist . . .” Herkimer opens his fist and
        throws mashed banana at the magician, and the magician chases him off the
        stage.

61. Elevated Gum Skit

Props: Sun glasses, briefcase, T — shirt, box of
candy, straight man, greaser, jock.

Skit: Straight man enters chewing gum, carrying
briefcase. Walks up to elevator, pushes button, goes in. Chews gum like it’s
losing its flavor, decides to stick it to the wall . . . door opens . . . he
leaves.

Greaser enters, pushes button, enters elevator. He
leans on the wall and his hand sticks to the gum. He pulls his hand off the wall
(which is hard to do). Greaser looks at the gum, stretches it out some, picks
his nose, gets grease off his hair, sneezes, cleans his ears . . . all this
gets on the gum. He chews it a while, door opens he throws the gum on the back
of the elevator and then he leaves.

Jock enters, dumb, spacey, letter jacket on . . .
typical jock. He enters the elevator, leans on the wall (back wall) and the gum
gets stuck:

      1. Head and
        elevator
      1. Hand and
        head
      1. Both hands
      1. Foot and
        both hands
      1. Both feet
        and both hands
      1. Hands
      1. Knees
      1. Hand to
        face

The jock finally gets free, sticks the gum on the elevator wall where it
originally was. Straight man enters, sees the gum, and decides to chew it again
and then leaves.

62. Sex(mud) Skit

Props: Notebook, paper, and pen. Two guys or club
leaders.

Skit: The 2 guys sit in chairs in front of the
club; one is dressed like a psychologist, the other is a patient. As the scene
opens the doctor holds up a circle (drawn on paper) where everyone can see it
and asks the patient what it reminds him of. He goes wild screaming, “Sex,
sex, sex.”(“mud, mud, mud”) Next the doctor holds up a triangle,
and asks the patient what it reminds him of. The patient goes wild again
screaming sex (mud). The doctor then holds up a square and again in the patient
goes wild. The doctor says, “I know what your problem is. You’ve got a
dirty mind.” The patient says, “Me? You’re the one with all the dirty
pictures!”

63. Reggie and the Colonel Skit

Characters:

Reggie, big, dumb. Bermudas, high socks, safari
hat, glasses, down on nose, moustache, carries gun in front of him.

Colonel: short, limp, no gun, just small knapsack,
has cane.

Scene: Walking in place through darkest Africa, speaking pronounced English accent.

Colonel: (excited, jumping and pointing with cane)
Reggie, look… Did you see it, Reggie?

Reggie: See what? No, no, where, where?

Colonel: Oh, Reggie, it was a beautiful condor, 8
foot wing span, beautiful colors.

Reggie: No. I didn’t see it.

Colonel: Wish you’d pay closer attention. (They
continue walking)

Colonel: Did you see it, Reggie?

Reggie: No, what?

Colonel: A spotted Zebra…wish you’d pay closer
attention.

Colonel: (later) Did you see it, Reggie? Did you
see it?

Reggie: No, I missed it…what was it?

Colonel: An ooh-aah bird.

Reggie: An ooh-aah bird. What’s an ooh-aah bird?

Colonel: An ooh-aah bird is a 2 pound bird that
lays a 3 pound egg, like this: Ooooooooooh aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
(face lights up). (Continue walking)

Reggie: Whispers to audience: next time I’ll say
yes-pretend like I saw it. I’ll fool him.

Colonel: Reggie, Reggie, did you see it? (Excited)

Reggie: I saw it, I saw it!

Colonel: Then why in heaven’s name did you step in
it?!

64. The Pencil Salesman Skit

Sales mangager and Dumb Salesman enter.

Manager: Now I want you to pay close attention to
me so you can become a great salesman.

Salesman: Duhh, okay.

Manager: First you hold your pencils in you hand
and say, “Pencils for sale.” Practice saying that.

Salesman: Pencils for sale, pencils for sale, etc.

Manager: Okay, that’s enough. Next, the first
question people will ask you is “How much are they?” and you will say
“Ten cents. Three for a quarter.”

Salesman: “Ten cents. Three for a
quarter.”

Manager: Right. They will ask you, “What color
are they?” and you will tell them, “Yellow.”

Salesman: “Yellow, yellow”

Manager: Good. Then the person will buy one or else
he will say, “No, I don’t want to buy one” and you will say, “If
you don’t, somebody else will.”

Salesman: If you don’t somebody else will.

Manager: Very good. Now, let’s practice it once and
then you are on your own. (They go through the questions and answers).

Now the salesman is alone on the street corner
calling out “Pencils for sale.” The first customer enters in a hurry,
the salesman doesn’t notice him, turns around, hits the customer and knocks him
to the ground. He gets up, begins to dust off angrily.

Customer: (outraged) Do you know how much this suit
cost me?

Salesman: Ten cents, three for a quarter.

Customer: (furious now) What’s the matter with you?
What do you think I am?

Salesman: Yellow.

Customer: Say, would you like me to punch you in
the nose?

Salesman: If you don’t somebody else will.

Customer begins to beat the salesman up and both
run off stage.

65. The Mona Lisa Skit

Here’s a skit idea that is guaranteed to bring a
faint, yet enchanting smile to everyone at the very least. Have someone
memorize the words to the old Nat King Cole favorite “Mona Lisa.”
Then dress someone up as the Mona Lisa herself in a long, black wig, black robe
and black shawl. Build a picture frame out of some old boards and have the
“Mona” sit behind it. Drape the bottom of the picture frame to the
floor so that the audience cannot see the Mona Lisa’s feet.

He is going to sing a very serious song for them.
As the song begins, the curtain opens to reveal the Mona Lisa. The singer turns
to see the Mona Lisa and begins to sing to the picture. During the song,
however, the Mona Lisa comes out of character; she picks her nose, sneezes,
cleans out her ear, shoots water pistols at the singer, blows a kiss to the
singer, eats a banana, and does any other things that you might think of. All
of this should be done every time the singer turns away from the Mona Lisa to
face the audience. The skit ends with the singer getting a whipped cream pie in
the face, at which point the singer jumps through the picture frame and chases
the Mona Lisa.

66. Monk Monotony Skit

The following skit is an easy one to pull off as
you will need only three characters ( the Main Monk, Monk Monotony and a sign
carrier) and one prop (a large sign which reads “ten years later”).
The audience is asked to imagine a monastery where Monk Monotony has just taken
a vow of silence.

Main Monk: So Monk Monotony, you have just taken a
vow of silence? (Monk Monotony shakes his head “yes”) Do you know
what this vow of silence means? (Monk Monotony shakes his head yes) That’s
right, you cannot say anything but two words for the next ten years. You may go
now.

(Monk Monotony exits. After 20 seconds in which the
Main Monk does nothing, the sign carrier enters slowly from right and exits
slowly to the left, carrying the sign which reads “Ten years Later”
Monk Monotony enters).

Main Monk: Yes, Monk Monotony your first ten years
are up, and you may say your two words.

Monk Monotony: Hard bed.

Main Monk: You many go now.

(Monk Monotony exits. After abut 20 seconds in
which the Main Monk does nothing, the sign carrier enters slowly from the right
and exits slowly to the left, carrying the sign which reads “Ten Years
Later” Monk Monotony enters)

Main Monk: Yes, Monk Monotony your second ten years
are up, and you may now say your two words.

Monk Monotony: Bad food.

Main Monk: You may go now.

(Monk Monotony exits. After abut 20 seconds in
which the Main Monk does nothing, the sign carrier enters slowly from the right
and exits slowly to the left, carrying the sign which reads “Ten Years
Later” Monk Monotony enters)

Main Monk: Yes, Monk Monotony your third ten years
are up, and you may now say your two words.

Monk Monotony: I quit (he begins to exit
immediately)

Main Monk: Well, I am not surprised. You’ve been
complaining ever since you got here.

67. Future Banana Skit

This short skit requires no words. A guy walks out
on stage, sits on a chair in the middle of the stage and takes out a banana.
Meanwhile, the music from the movie 2001: A Space Odyssey is
playing in the background and the lights are off with the strobe light on. The
guy peels the banana and eats it to the music. If done properly, with
appropriate facial expressions, the results are hilarious.

68. You were Lucky-#1 Skit(The Liars)

    1. Imagine us, sitting in the
      fanciest pub in England,
      drinking our Chateau de Chauclea wine.
    1. Right you are, 30 years ago we
      would have been lucky to have had a cup of tea.
    1. Cold tea.
    1. Yes, without sugar or milk.
    1. Or tea.
    1. In a cracked and filthy cup.
    1. We used to be so poor that we
      would drink tea out of a rolled-up newspaper.
    1. You were lucky to have a
      newspaper, we used to have to suck our tea out of a damp cloth.
    1. We were poor but we were happy.
    1. We were happy because we were
      poor.
    1. Right you are, my daddy said
      that dollars would never buy happiness.
    1. That’s because he never had any
      money, the bloody beggar.
    1. When I was young we used to
      live in a house with big holes in the roof.
    1. You had a house? You were
      lucky! We used to live in a bottle cap, 23 of us in the middle of the
      ocean.
    1. Well, I say it was a house,
      actually it was a room — all 36 of us, and we had only half a floor. We
      had a big hole in the middle of the floor and we used to huddle next to
      the wall for fear we would fall in.
    1. You were lucky! We used to live
      in a hallway.
    1. Well, you were lucky! We
      used to live in an abandoned septic tank in the middle of the garbage
      dump.
    1. You lived in a septic tank? You
      were lucky! We lived in a paper sack in the bottom of a toxic waste dump.
      Every morning we would awaken to nuclear waste being dumped on us until we
      glowed.
    1. Actually, the house I was
      telling you about was no more than a hole in the ground, covered with
      twigs.
    1. Well, you were lucky! We were
      evicted from our hole. We had to live in the bottom of the lake.
    1. You were lucky to live in the
      bottom of a lake. There was 150 of us living in a shoe box in the middle
      of a road. We dreamed of living in a lake.
    1. You were lucky to live in a
      shoe box. We lived in a brown paper bag. All 300 of us! Got up at 6 a.m.,
      ate a crust of stale bread, and worked in the mills for 12 hours. When we
      got home Dad would beat us and put us to bed with no dinner.
    1. Well you were lucky! We used to
      get up at 3 a.m., strain the lake clean with our teeth, eat a cup of hot
      grave, work 15 hours at the mill and when we got home our Dad would beat
      us about the head and shoulders with a broken beer bottle and use us for
      kitty litter.
    1. We dreamed of that! We
      used to live in a rusty tin can in the middle of the road. One hour after
      sunset we would clean the road with our tongues, eat a handful of cold
      gravel and work 20 hours at the mill with no pay! When we got home our Dad
      would cut us up with a dull gensu knife and use us for cheese fondue.
    1. Well, you were lucky! That was
      luxury. We used to get up in the morning at 10 at night — which was half
      an hour before we went to bed – eat a hunk of dry poison — work 29 hours a
      day at the mill and when we got home or parents would kill us and dance
      around our grave singing “Glory, Glory, Hallelujah”.
    1. But you tell that to the kids
      today and they simply don’t believe you.

69. You Were Lucky Skit- #2

Use same guy starting each round and same guy going
2nd and 3rd. This will set up the conclusion. At the end,
the 1st guy gets fed up with the other 2 for topping him and jumps
up and starts mouthing. The 2nd guy is mad at the 3rd and
he starts mouthing. The 3rd guy sits alone proudly stating that they
were lucky. The other 2, in the meantime, get their Chateau De Sauce and
pour the water pitcher on the 3rd.

(NOTE: During the skit, one of us will need to take
a break and go behind us to get the pitcher of Chateau to establish the fact
that it is there).

1st 2nd 3rd

ROUND 1 1. 9 brothers & sisters 20 brothers and
sisters 43 brothers and sisters

Family 2. 2 room shack cardboard box hole in the
ground

3. Food — gruel & grits Food — snails, bugs, I
dreamed of eating snails

so poor — no breakfast bark No breakfast &
gruel, No breakfast,

echo — no breakfast No lunch, No lunch, No dinner

echo — no brk, no lunch echo

ROUND 2 1. Parents required “A” Parents
required 100 Parents required 125

Educ. On every test every test and home- every
test, homework

Pressure work test check, & final exam

2. my mama “Lady my daddy was a Marine my ole
man was one of

Wrestler” would whup me drill Sargeant who
Hell’s Angels, and he

With a leather strap was 6’9″ tall. was
9’6″ tall and weighed

Weighed 346 lbs. My old man2000 lbs. He didn’t whup

Ole man whupped me me with straps; he

with a stick whupped me with chains then tied me to
the back of

his motorcycle and drug

me through town

ROUND 3 1. Plowing fields-every- I worked in a coal
I cleaned out out-houses

Work body else had tractors mine-didn’t have no all
we used was hands &

& disks; I had a shovel picks or shovels, I
mouths, didn’t get no air

used a toothpick and

got air through a tube

2. many a day I worked I worked 22 hrs. a day I
worked 29 hours a day

14 hrs. a day

3. worked so long that NO SUPPER, NO LUNCH NO
SUPPER, NO LUNCH

I got NO SUPPER-echo –echo BREAKFAST, and what’s

More –echo

70. Radio Jumble Skit

This is an easy to perform skit in which seven
people are used. All seven persons (A,B,C,D,E,F, and G) simply stand in front
of the audience and read the script below when their turn comes. To introduce
the skit, announce that this is what happened one day, when you were trying to
find a radio station to listen to. Each of the readers can wear a sign with the
name of a radio station on it, or dress up in costume. Each “Click”
below indicates a station change. (The “clicks” can be inserted at
the appropriate times by an offstage sound effects person).

Person A: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, this
is Seymour Skidmarks bringing you the latest news in the world of sports. The
annual football game between _________ and __________ was played last week to
the enjoyment of a large crowd who went wild at the crucial point during the
game when Coach ________ sent in … (click)

Person B: …three eggs, a cup of buttermilk, and a pinch of salt. Stir
well and pour into a flat greased pan or… (click)

Person C: …your new fall hat. This year, fashion decrees that women
shall wear a large variety of charm bracelets. A most popular design is to make
them of… (click)

Person D: …old whiskers? If you do, just shave them off with Bates’
Better Shaving Cream. Use this cream, and you will be so handsome that all the
girls will… (click)

Person E: …bend over and touch the floor twenty times. This exercise is
superb for general reducing. All right now, pupils, again let’s bend over, up,
over… (click)

Person F: …(Singing) the ocean. My Bonnie lies over the sea. My Bonnie
lies over the ocean, oh bring back my Bonnie to … (click)

Person A: … ________ who sailed down the field for a touchdown that tied
the game. What a play! What a perfect… (click)

Person C: …ly darling little summer bag that all you girls simply must
have. At first glimpse they may remind one of… (click)

Person G: …a bowl of soup. But it was tooooo hot. The second bowl was as
hot as the first, but the third was just right. Goldilocks ate, and ate, until
she could…

Person D: …feel the stiff beard with your hand. Does that appear to be
very romantic? Our foolproof way to get a girl friend is to… (click)

Person E: …breathe deeply four times, and pound on your chest with the
fists after inhaling each breath. This enlivens the tissues and makes one feel…
(click)

Person B: …puffy and full of air. This effect can be had by beating the
mixture with a rotary eggbeater for five… (click)

Person C: …hundred years. The things our grandmothers wore then are the
most popular things today. Already fashion leaders, prominent society women are
trying to bring back more old-fashioned manners. Their cry is “Bring
back…” (click)

Person F: …(Singing) my Bonnie to me, bring back, bring back, oh bring
back my Bonnie to me. Bring back, bring back … (click)

Person D: …a nice soft chin and a host of compliments. If you use our
cream, those whiskers will come out with a … (click)

Person G: …CRASH!! Goldilocks had broken the little chair all to pieces.
Then she jumped up and started up the stairs. There she saw three beds. The
first bed was covered with a bearskin rug, which was too soft. The second bed
was covered with… (click)

Person A: …what looked like crawling things from the press box, but it
was only the players in hard scrimmage. We are looking with expectations to
_______ winning their ________ championship this fall. The players are in good
condition and average weight is… (click)

Person E: …110 pounds. You, too, can weigh this much if you but follow
these simple exercises. Don’t take them too hard at first or you will probably
have to… (click)

Person F: …(Singing) lay on a pillow. Last night as I lay on my bed;
last night as I lay on my pillow, I dreamed that my Bonnie was… (click)

Person B: …cooking in a hot oven about 450 degrees Fahrenheit. For an
extra treat, garnish, add cloves or whole… (click)

Person G: …bears? Will Goldilocks get home safely? How will the story
end? Keep your radio tuned to this station until tomorrow at this time for the
next episode of this thrilling story. Until then kiddies, be sweet and don’t
forget too… (click)

Person D: …shave off the whiskers with Bates’. Our motto is… (click)

Person E: …stand on your head and wave your feet in the air. Gyn clothes
are best for this exercise, but… (click)

Person C: …on ostrich feather will do just as well. Take my tip and you
girls will be as fashionable as… (click)

Person A: …________, to whom we are looking for great things this year.
This is your friendly announcer, Seymour Skidmarks signing off and saying…
(click)

Person C: …Night all!

78. A Day In The Desert

Place a glass of water in the middle of the floor,
with a sign that says, “Oasis” three people crawl in, crying out,
“Water, water, we’ve got to have some water!” Two people die before
making it to the water, but the third finally reaches the glass. He picks up
the glass of water, pulls out his comb, dips it in the water, and walks away
happily combing his hair.

71. The Candy Store Skit

Four guys enter the “candy store,” that
is run by an old man (bent over, shaky voice, beard and cane). The first person
asks for a dimes worth of jelly beans. The old man notices that the jelly beans
are on the top shelf and tries to talk him out of it, but the person insists.
So the old man gets a ladder and with much pain climbs to the top, gets the
jelly beans and comes down the ladder. He puts the ladder away. The second
person does the same thing and asks for a dimes worth of jelly beans. Again the
old man goes through the same bit and gets the jelly beans. After he does, the
third person also asks for a dimes worth of jelly beans and the very annoyed
and tired old man climbs up his ladder again getting the jelly beans. This time
while he is up there, he asks the last person, “I suppose you want a dimes
worth of jelly beans too?” The last person says, “No”. The old
man comes down, and puts away the ladder. “Now, what do you want, “he
asks. The person answers, “I want a nickels worth of jelly beans.”
The old man chases him out of the store with his cane, shouting.

72. The Flat Tire Skit

The scene is a roadside, and a woman is trying to
change her flat tire, but is obviously having a difficult time. A gentleman
happens along and offers help.

He: What seems to be the problem?

She: I have a flat tire and I don’t know how to
work this crazy thing (as she points to the jack).

He: Maybe I can help. By the way, how did you get
this flat tire?

She: I was in such a hurry that I ran over a pop
bottle.

He: Didn’t you see it?

She: How could I. The dumb little kid had it in his
pocket.

73. The Sneak Thief Skit

Two gentlemen dressed in business suits walk into a
restaurant on their coffee break and sit at a table that is covered with a long
table cloth. One has a newspaper under his arm. They both order coffee and one
pulls out the paper and begins to read. He shares some of the stories briefly
with his friend and then whistles in surprise:

Man 1: (with paper) Did you see this article about
the Sneak Thief?

Man2: No, what happened?

Man1: Listen to this (reads aloud). “Another
series of bizarre robberies occurred yesterday in Hudsonville. Purses, wallets
and other items mysteriously disappeared. Police are baffled and have no clues
as to the thief’s identity or how he or she strikes without being seen. The
public is warned to be on their guard until the thief is apprehended.

Man 2: That’s unbelievable!

They continue to talk, the waitress brings the
coffee, one man signs the check. They drink the coffee quickly. One man looks
at his watch and says, “We’d better get back to the office.” They
both arise and walk out minus their pants and clad in bright colored boxer
shorts. (The two should practice getting out of their pants so that the
audience does not notice. The operation is hidden behind the tablecloth. If
loafers are worn, shoes can easily be slipped off and on again.)

74. Our First Kiss Skit

The couple is seated next to each other either on a
couch or in two chairs as if they were in a car at the drive-in.

GUY: I really hope she had a good time tonight. I
know I did!

GIRL: I wonder if he enjoyed being out with me
tonight. I had such a great time!

GUY: I’ve never felt this way before about a girl.
I hope she likes me as much as I like her.

GIRL: I’ve never felt this way about a guy. I hope
he likes me as much as I like him. (pause) Maybe he’ll hold my hand.

GUY: I think I’ll hold her hand. (pause) Her hand
is so soft…as soft as a rose petal.

GIRL: I hope he puts his arm around me. He’s so
nice.

GUY: I think I’ll put my arm around her. She’s so
nice…..as nice as a princess.

GIRL: I really like him….If only he knew how
much. Maybe…..maybe…..He’ll kiss me.

GUY: I really like her…If only she knew how much.
Maybe….maybe……I’ll kiss her. (pause) If only she would stop eating those
M&M’S!

(she still keeps on eating in a nervous way)

GUY: Oh, well……Here goes……..

(cue “Romeo & Juliet Theme”)

GIRL: what a sweet kiss!

GUY: (says this out loud so the audience may hear)

What a sweet kiss!

(Hershey’s Syrup runs out of his mouth as if he
“acquired” it during the kiss).

75. You Got Me, Buddy Skit

Materials: Toy gun (submachine gun is best); Toy gun
that shoots or a recording of gunfire music. Strobe light (optional); and
gangster clothing

The concept we built up was that two people were
sitting in a train (outside of Chicago in the Carpathian Mountains- facing each
other in front of the audience). The train is moving and they are bouncing
around. A third person enters the train and jumps out. He is somewhat behind
the one passenger and facing the other. The person says, ” All right
Capone, the gig is up. We’re tired of yer thievin’ cheatin’ ways! No more will
you steal the canes from little old ladies and take the change out of pay
toilets. The gig is up.” To which Capone can only reply, “All right
Mugsy, give me your best shot!” At this moment, the gunfire erupts, the
lights go off and the strobe light begins. Everyone is kind of moving around.
When the gun-fire finishes, Capone says, “You got me buddy, You got me
Pal, you got me Buddy!” Then why aincha dead yet?” queries Mugsy.
“Because, you got…..pause…….me Buddy!” At this moment,
the other passenger, sitting with his back to Mugsy and reading a newspaper the
whole time, keels over.

76. Naked Bacon Skit

Roadie: I didn’t hear you say, “he’s chasin’
me.”

Rowdy: What?

Roadie: I didn’t hear you say, “he’s chasin’
me.”

Rowdy: What are you talking about?

Roadie: I just — just a second — I just didn’t
hear him say, “He’s chasin’ me.” If I had heard him say “he’s
chasin’ me”, I’d have chased him.

Rowdy: Are you telling me that I didn’t say,
“He’s chasin’ me”?

Roadie: I didn’t say that you didn’t say,
“He’s chasin’ me”. I didn’t hear you say, “He’s chasin’
me.”

Rowdy: Oh, you didn’t hear me say, “He’s
chasin’ me”.

Roadie: If I had heard you say, “He’s chasin’
me”, I would have chased him. If I could live my life all over again, I
would.

Rowdy: Don’t make a big deal out of this. It is not
necessary. I just wanted to know if you heard me say, “He’s chasin’
me”, and you said, “No”. You answered my question. Now… did
you hear me say anything?

Roadie: I didn’t hear you say, “He’s chasin’
me.”

Rowdy: I didn’t ask, “Did you hear me say
“He’s chasin’ me” I asked, “Did you hear me say anything?”

Roadie: Yeah, but you’re trying to get me to say
that I heard you say, “He’s chasin’ me.” I didn’t hear you say…

Rowdy: No, I am not. I am asking Roadie a simple,
straight forward question. I’m asking Roadie, it’s a yes-or-no question, did
you hear me say anything? Yes or No?

Roadie: I didn’t hear you say “He’s chasin’
me.”

Rowdy: Did you hear me say anything? Yes or No?

Roadie: Yes

Rowdy: Yes, what?

Roadie: Yes, sir.

Rowdy: That is not the answer I am looking for.

Roadie: No, sir.

Rowdy: No is not right either.

Roadie: If yes and no are wrong, then I don’t have
a choice. I am wrong either way.

Rowdy: This is a two part question… not a yes or
no question. First part, did you hear me say anything? And you said,
“Yes.”

Roadie: Yes.

Rowdy: You said yes and no. Which is it? Yes or no?

Roadie: I heard you say something.

Rowdy: Oh, you did?

Roadie: Yes.

Rowdy: What do you think you thought you heard?

Roadie: I didn’t think I thought I heard you say
“He’s chasin’ me.”

Rowdy: Well, what do you think you thought I said?

Roadie: I didn’t think I thought what I heard is
what you said.

Rowdy: I don’t want you to think about what you
think I thought. I just want you to tell me what you think you thought you
heard.

Roadie: I didn’t think I thought I heard what you
think you thought you said.

Rowdy: I know what I said. I said, “He’s
chasin’ me.”

Roadie: I think that–yes, I heard, yes sir,
something, no sir. . .

Rowdy: Don’t go on and on. I just want to know what
you think you thought you heard. If it didn’t sound like, “He’s chasin’
me,” what did it sound like to you?

Roadie: It didn’t sound like you said, “He
chasin’ me.”

Rowdy: Than what did it sound like?

Roadie: It sounded like I thought I heard you say,
“Naked” or “Bacon” or “Naked Bacon.”

Rowdy: Of course, that makes all the sense in the
world. I’m going to run through here, stop, turn to Roadie, and say,
“Naked Bacon.”

Roadie: It didn’t make any sense to me either. So I
just ignored him.

Rowdy: I know Roadie believes he understands what
he thinks he thought I said, but I’m not sure he realizes that what he thought
he heard is not what I meant. Do you understand, I did not say, “Naked bacon?”

Roadie: Then I apologize. I’m sure–with
enthusiasm–you did say, “He’s chasin’ me.” So it is my fault, I just
didn’t hear you.

Rowdy: What were you doing?

Roadie: I was nervous. I was taking a mental nap.

Rowdy: A mental nap?

Roadie: With a capital “R.” I just didn’t
hear you. I was emotionally vague.

Rowdy: You were emotionally vague. Now what does
that mean?

Roadie: It’s a point of view.

Rowdy: Uh-huh.

Roadie: With no target.

Rowdy: This is obviously going no where.

Roadie: Thank you very much.

Rowdy: It wasn’t a compliment.

77. I Hate It When That Happens Skit

This one is straight from Saturday Night Live in
the 80’s. Two people are sitting around exchanging stories about what they hate
happens and the stories get bigger and more exaggerated every time.

78. The Dog Crap Skit

Two people walking along discover some fecal
looking matter (wet chocolate candy works well), and after looking, feeling,
smelling, and tasting they decide that it is dog crap and it’s a good thing
they didn’t step in it. They can also get into challenging the other person to
feel it, small it, and taste it. End together with the line, “It looks
like dog crap, it smells like dog crap, and it tastes like dog crap, good thing
we didn’t step in it!”

79. Pizza Man Skit

Is a great way to have some fun introducing a new
leader (or just get a YL leader from a neighboring club that no one knows). As
the prize for one of your games, announce that the winner will get a free small
pizza from [fill in popular pizza delivery in your area]. Have the new leader
show up as the pizza guy. He can wear the hat and everything! After he brings
in the pizza, he sits down by one of the kids. Nobody can get him to leave.
Have him sing real bad, pick his nose, and even ask some of the kids about one
of the female leaders he thinks is cute. Acting frustrated, ask him if he has
pizza to deliver. You can take it as far as you want to­we made it last three
weeks. He can also come in and be completely into everything going on in club.
Completely fooled the kids, and they loved it!

80. Peanut Butter Deodorant Skit

3 characters: girl, boy, and another boy who has
amazingly large pit stains on his shirt.

Nervous
boy comes over (wearing a jacket over his pit-stained shirt) to girl’s house to
pick her up for a date.

Brother
of girl answers door, small talk, and asks nervous guy to take off his jacket.

Nervous
guy refuses, and eventually does, revealing amazingly huge pit stains on shirt.

Asks
him about it, the guy says he just gets too nervous sometimes, and he wishes
there was something he could do about it.

The
girl’s brother says he used to have the same problem, before he found the best
deodorant ever: peanut butter.

The
brother demonstrates, by showing his peanut butter-covered pits (which he needs
to have under his arms all this time, and he doesn’t have to take his shirt
off. He can have it on his shirt) The nervous guy is impressed, and liberally,
and I mean liberally, applies it to his pits (the outside of his shirt). Just
then, the girl enters, says something like “hey Steve, are you ready to
go?” And then the nervous guy, who is now confident, says “why bother
going out for dinner? Dinner’s on me!”

Then
the girl gets a couple of pieces of bread which are sitting somewhere close,
and wipes them on his pits and eats them like a sandwich. (Yes, this is pretty
gross. As you can guess, this skit depends upon finding a female leader who is
willing to do this. Good luck.) Props: peanut butter, bread, jacket for the
nervous guy which hides his pit stains at first.

81. Where Did You Come From Skit

This skit is a movie theater scene. I row of people
are watching a movie, and one person is on the ground moaning and screaming in
pain. The people try to get the person to be quiet because he/she is
interrupting the movie. After a series of interaction someone asks, “Where
are you from anyway?” The person answers, “The balcony.” (As in
— they fell from the balcony.)

82. Eddie Spaghetti Skit

Eddy Spaghetti is a guy who makes spaghetti at
lunchtime at work, and he has brought all that he needs in strange places, like
spaghetti in his shoes, Parmesan cheese in his hair, etc.

82. Joey Baloney Skit

Joey Baloney is a guy who makes baloney sandwiches
at lunchtime at work, and he has brought all that he needs in strange places,
like bread in one shoe and baloney in the other, mayo under one arm and mustard
under the other, and maybe a knife and a plate in a strange place too.

83. The Emergency Broadcast System Skit

This skit involves all of the leaders. They get up
front and someone says, “This is a test of the emergency broadcast system,
this is only a test.” One person makes the “eeeeeee” sound that
we hear on the radio, then the first person says, had this not been a test but
a real situation the following would have happened. The second person makes the
“eeeeeee” sound again and all of the leaders go crazy and run out of
the room like the world is coming to and end.

84. Cooking With Kodiak Skit

Cooking show where hosts love Kodiak. Sprinkle lots
on everything and eat. Slice a Kodiak tin with a razor, clean out and crumble
Oreo outsides to look like dip. Have a couple of real tins to throw out to
crowd and for smell. Make milk shake in blender, salad, etc.

85. M&M’ On The Park Bench Skit

Have an attractive girl sitting on a chair with an
empty chair next to her. A studly guy comes in to pounding music. Sits down. He
puts the moves on her, no dice. He leaves. Nerd comes in to twinky music eating
LOTS OF M&M’s. He puts dorky moves on. Girl responds. He gives her a long
kiss. When they sit up, look at audience, she smiles and chocolate syrup she’s
had in mouth all along, oozes out, down face.

86. Enlarging Machine Skit

You need a very large box to look like a machine.
You then will put things into the machine and they will come out larger
(frisbee, ball, flower). Then you will put a baby doll in and out will come a
kid dressed in a diaper.

87. Mr. No Depth Perception Skit

A few family scenes where the husband has no depth
perception. The funny part is that they guy doesn’t realize it. He pours his
coffee and misses the cup, he looks out the window and his head goes through
the window. Go crazy! Make up your own.

88. Toothpaste Commercial Skit

(4 leaders) I like this toothpaste because it
whitens my teeth. I like this toothpaste because it freshens my breath. I like
this toothpaste because it fights cavities. I don’t know about the toothpaste
but I sure like the water. Everyone uses the same toothbrush and gargles with
the same glass of water. The last person drinks the glass of water.

89. Park Bench Fishing Skit

An old lady is sitting on a park bench pretending
like she is fishing. There is a man at the other end reading a magazine and
minding his own business. A park officer comes by and tells her she has to stop
a couple of times. Finally he tells the old man to get her out of there. The
old guy looks perfectly sane but then he pretends the park bench is a motor
boat, acts like he is starting it and riding away.

90. Blind Date Skit

A guy and a girl are on a date. He realizes that
she is actually blind, so starts doing all sorts of crazy things, finally she
tells him that she’s only blind in one eye.

91. Boys In The Sandbox Skit

3 guys sitting in a s sandbox talking like kids.
The one says “Hey, I hear there’s some new girls in town! Yuk, gross,
etc.” “We hate girls.” Then the girls come in with hair in
pig-tails and carrying dolls. They abuse them with, “Is that your face or
did a ferret crawl up your collar!” etc. After a few insults the girls get
upset and say, “Well if you don’t want to play with us we won’t share our
tickets to the Final Four!” The guys go crazy apologizing . “We’re
sorry! We didn’t mean it. We’ll be nice!” Then the girls get together and
conference and decide OK you can come with us, but first you have to play
house!” The guys get together and you hear, “Play house, we’d rather
die, or have scabies! No way!” Until some one distinctly says “final
four!” to which they all nod and come out and openly agree. The girls
conference and then decide guys all have to carry dolls. The guys go through
the same and finally agree. The girls say, “You have to hold our
hands”. The guys finally comply. Then the girls give an envelope with
tickets. The guys tear it open to find the final four tickets to the Barbie
Doll Beauty Pageant. Each boy and girl exit holding hands and boy crying.

92. Creativity Test Skit

You’ll need a nerdy computer person and a smart
looking psychologist.

Mr. Tolson is knocking at the door on the door of
Dr. Roberts the in-house psychologist.

Dr. Roberts: Mr. Tolson

Mr. Tolson: Are you Dr. Roberts?

Dr. Roberts: Yes, come in. Please have a seat.
Sorry to have to call you down here on such short notice, but your company
asked me to give you a creativity test.

Mr. Tolson: I’ve never taken one of those before

Dr. Roberts: Well, they’re pretty easy. Actually,
they can be fun. Would you like a beverage?

Mr. Tolson: I work in the computer center on the 17th
floor. We just got a new computer in and they put it in the back of the center.
And all I did, I told them that they should put it up in the front of the
center, so more of the people could get to it, but they didn’t.

Dr. Roberts: Fascinating. Okay, the first test that
we’re going to do is called a word association test.

Mr. Tolson: I don’t know what that is.

Dr. Roberts: Well, it’s pretty simple. I’ll give
you a word and you say just whatever you can think of.

Mr. Tolson: Well, that sounds easy.

Dr. Roberts: Great! Okay, well let’s start. First
word, “shoe”.

Mr. Tolson: shoe

Dr. Roberts: “rabbit.”

Mr. Tolson: (long pause) Rabbit

Dr. Roberts: Trunk

Mr. Tolson: truck

Dr. Roberts: Okay, you’re just saying the words
that I’m saying.

Mr. Tolson: I know, but when you say the word,
that’s the word that I think of.

Dr. Roberts: Okay, it’s my fault then. Let’s try
again, only this time I want you to change the word.

Mr. Tolson: Okay, so not just the same word.

Dr. Roberts: Great. You’re catching on. Okay? Next
word “hat”

Mr. Tolson: Hatssss.

Dr. Roberts: “moose”

Mr. Tolson: Meese.

Dr. Roberts: Okay, now all you are doing is just
pluralizing the words that I’m saying.

Mr. Tolson: Yeah, but they’re different.

Dr. Roberts: Yeah, they are different, but that’s
not what I want. Okay, let me give you an example. Why don’t you give me a
word.

Mr. Tolson: I give you a word

Dr. Roberts: Yeah, any word.

Mr. Tolson: “Word”

Dr. Roberts: Fine, Uh, that makes me think of
“constriction” (folds arms across chest in a constrictive manner).
Don’t worry you’ll catch on. Let’s try it again. Okay, “trumpet”

Mr. Tolson: “Constriction” (folding arms
in same manner)

Dr. Roberts: “Scarf”

Mr. Tolson: “Moose”

Dr. Roberts: “Cat”

Mr. Tolson “Scarf”

Dr. Roberts: All right, now you’re just using the
words that I’ve already used.

Mr. Tolson: Well, you didn’t say that I could use
them up.

Dr. Roberts: Well, you can. Okay? Why don’t
we just move on to another test.

Mr. Tolson: They got this new computer up in the
computer center and I just told them they should put it up front, but they put
it in the back.

Dr. Roberts: That’s fascinating. Okay? Look, uh,
for this next test I’m going to start a sentence and I want you to complete it,
okay?

Mr. Tolson: So all I have to do is finish it. Okay,
all right. Well this one sounds easy.

Dr. Roberts: Okay, great. Now here is the first
sentence. When we went to the park we were going to…….

Mr. Tolson: period.

Dr. Roberts: Okay, look, you have to add some words
to it. Okay? Squeeze some words between the period and the other words all right.
Let’s try it again. Let’s do another one. Jerry had a wonderful red balloon and
he took it to….

Mr. Tolson: His friend Jerry…who also had a red
balloon…and liked to add words.

Dr. Roberts: Look Mr. Tolson, I need you to come up
with some answers on your own. Okay?

Mr. Tolson: We got a computer and they wouldn’t put
it in the front and…..

Dr. Roberts: Look, I heard you the first time.

Mr. Tolson: Are you angry at me?

Dr. Roberts: No, Mr. Tolson, I’m not angry at you.
Let’s move to the next test all right. This is called a Rohrshach Test. What it
is, is some people took a piece of paper and put some ink on it and folded it.
What I need you to do is look into these ink-blots and tell me what you see.
(Holding up ink blot) Now, what do you see here Mr. Tolson?

Mr. Tolson: A black smear.

Dr. Roberts: Yeah, that’s exactly what it is. I
need you to look into it and tell me what you see.

Mr. Tolson: (Looking at the Dr.’s shoes) I see
black shoes.

Dr. Roberts: That’s good, I could see that.

Mr. Tolson: (looking at the Dr.’s tie.) I see a
brown tie.

Dr. Roberts: Um hum, good, good.

Mr. Tolson: (Looking at the wall) I see a diploma
from Grand Valley State University.

Dr. Roberts: That is enough Mr. Tolson, you will
not leave this office until you tell me what you see in this.

Mr. Tolson: I don’t want to, I don’t want to.

Dr. Roberts: Look, I’m going to make you use one
creative bone in your body if it’s the last thing I do. Now look at this
and tell me what you see. Tell me.

Mr. Tolson: I see a dog. (struggling)

Dr. Roberts: Good.

Mr. Tolson: And it’s on a log. (continuing to
struggle)

Dr. Roberts: Good, go with that.

Mr. Tolson: And the dog is a terrier…and it’s
rabid… and it shakes its head back and forth in meaningless anger.

Dr. Roberts: Good, good, good.

Mr. Tolson: And foam sprays from its mouth and we
follow this droplet of spit down to see where it lands on a symmetrical lawn
and the drop of spit slowly transforms becoming a flaming brass eagle holding
the Magna Carta in its claws. This eagle takes flight and soars over the (spit)
gray convulsive Atlantic Ocean. (lowering voice) It flies low by the choppy
waves a massive shimmering sea bass leaps up and it snatches the Magna Carta.
But the sea bass is served to the family of Long John Silver’s restaurant. And
as the family devours the fish the father is transformed. His eyes glow
wolf-yellow, he starts at his claws and a massive crowd gathers around and he
screams wildly into the night sky. “Where is the passion?” “Where…is…the…passion?”

Dr. Roberts: (stunned) I’ll see what I can do about
getting those computers moved.

Mr. Tolson: Yeah, on the 17yh floor and they put it
in the back.

Dr. Roberts: Sure, okay.

93. Abdul The Magnificent Skit

This is a mind reading skit which, when done right,
is downright spooky. Give each person a slip of paper, and ask them to write
out their greatest ambition in life. The slips are then folded, collected, and
“Abdul” (who should be dressed appropriately) proceeds to perform the
task of reading the sentences to the group without opening the papers. How is
it done? Abdul also puts one slip of paper in the box along with the others,
only he puts some kind of identifying mark on his. When the reading starts, he
picks one of the slips from the box, rubs it on his forehead without opening
it, and offers any sentence as a guess as to what is on the paper. He then
looks at the paper, and to his dismay he is wrong, but that will soon be
forgotten. He can blame it on the fact that the “spirits” aren’t
quite right yet, but that the next one should be better. It’s important not to
dwell on this mistake long. Just get on with the next one. It’s also important
not to reveal what was actually on the paper guessed incorrectly. Just get ride
of it and go on. Another slip of paper is held to the forehead, and Abdul then
repeats the sentence that was actually on the previous paper. After rubbing his
forehead, he opens this second slip of paper, confirms that he is correct and
asks the person who wrote that sentence to identify it. Everyone is impressed.
Another paper is drawn and again, Abdul repeats the sentence that was on the
previously opened slip. Each time he opens up a slip of paper to see if he is
“correct” he is actually learning the next sentence. The important
thing is to stay one slip ahead. When he comes to his own slip, which has been
held until last, he repeats the sentence on the previous slip, and that takes
care of all them. If this is done smoothly, it will really baffle the group.

94. You Were Lucky Skit (Hudsonville Version)

Intro. Imagine us sitting in the Old Time Diner,
drinking our coffee.

Theule: You know, 30 years ago we would have been
lucky to have a cup of coffee. Cold coffee. Yes, without sugar or milk — or
coffee. In a cracked and filthy cup. We used to be so poor that we would drink
coffee out of a rolled-up newspaper.

Becky: You were lucky! (Lucky?) Yes lucky! To have
a newspaper, we used to have to suck our coffee out of a damp cloth. We were
poor but we were happy, we were happy because we were poor.

Werf: My daddy said that dollars would never buy
happiness, but that’s because he never had any money that dirty beggar. When I
was a kid, we used to live in a house with big holes in the roof.

Theule: You had a house? You were lucky! (Lucky?)
Yes Lucky! We used to live in a bottle cap, 23 of us in the middle of Lake
Michigan.

Werf: You were lucky! (Lucky?) Yes lucky! When I
said it was a house, actually it was a room — all 36 of us, and we had only
half a floor. We had a big hole in the middle of the floor and we used to
huddle next to the wall for fear of falling in.

Becky: You were lucky! (Lucky?) Yes lucky! We used
to live in a hallway.

Theule: You were lucky! (Lucky?) Yes lucky! We used
to live in an abandoned septic tank in the middle of the garbage dump.

Werf: You lived in a septic tank? You were lucky!
(Lucky?) Yes lucky! We lived in a paper sack in the bottom of a toxic waste
dump. Every morning we would awaken to nuclear waste being dumped on us until
we glowed.

Becky: You were lucky! (Lucky?) Yes lucky! Actually
the hallway I was telling you about was no more than a hole on the ground
covered with twigs.

Theule: You were lucky! (Lucky?) Yes lucky! We were
evicted from our hole. We had to live in the bottom of the lake.

Werf: You were lucky! (Lucky?) Yes lucky! To live
in the bottom of the lake. There were 150 of us in a shoebox in the middle of
the road. We dreamed of living in a lake.

Becky: You were lucky! (Lucky?) Yes lucky! To live
in a shoebox. We lived in a brown paper bag. All 300 of us! Got up at 6 a.m.
and ate a crust of stale bread, and worked in the muck for 12 hours. When we
got home Dad wold beat us and put us to bed with no dinner.

Theule: You were lucky! (Lucky?) Yes lucky! We used
to get up at 3 a.m., strain the lake clean with our teeth, eat up a cup of hot
gravel, work 15 hours in the muck, and when we got home our Dad would beat us
about the head and shoulders with a broken beer bottle and use us for kitty
litter.

Werf: You were lucky! (Lucky?) Yes lucky! We
dreamed of that! We used to live in a rusty tin can in the middle of the road.
One hour after sunset we would clean the road with our tongues, eat a handful
of cold gravel and work 20 hours in the muck with no pay! When we got home our
Dad would cut us up with a gensu knife and use us for cheese fondue.

Becky: You were lucky! (Lucky?) Yes lucky! That was
luxury. We used to get up in the morning at 10 at night — which was a half an
hour before we went to bed — eat a hunk of dry poison — work 29 hours a day in
the muck and when we go home our parents would kill us and dance around our
grave singing, “Glory, Glory, Hallelujah.”

Theule: But you tell that to the kids today and
they simply don’t believe you.

95. Do Brothers Skit

Have a shaving cream fight to the Dueling Banjos
song

96. Cupid Skit

Girl sitting on park bench. Guy comes in and likes
the girl but she doesn’t respond. Cupid comes in and shoots girls and she gets
real affectionate and scares the guy. Then the cupid shoots guy. Instead of
getting all lovey, guy dies. Cupid takes his place on the park bench.

97. Hallway Skit

Stage Placements: 2 guys facing one another at
opposite ends of stage and 2 girls in the back talking to one another. Remain
frozen during speaker’s speech.

Sociologist: Good evening, tonight we want to
demonstrate the phenomenon of casual social interaction. This took place in a
school hallway and in order to realize the extraordinary events that we have
documented, you must pay careful attention. Okay, lets cut the lights and roll
the tape.

2 guys start walking toward one another and when
they pass, they accidentally bump into each other slightly. One guy says,
“Hey man, watch where you’re going!”

Other guy: “I’m sorry.”

Sociologist: Lights please. Alright, did anyone see
the intense interaction taking place? No? I told you, you really have to pay
close attention. Maybe it will help if we play the tape back and slow it down a
little. Okay then, rewind the tape and kill the lights.

All the characters rewind their actions, including
the girls in background, in fast speed. Wait for the strobe light and repeat
scene but slower speed. This time, when guys bump into each other, one of them
grabs wallet out of the other guys pocket. Freeze at the end of scene.

Sociologist: “Lights up. This time you people
had to see it. We are simply amazed at the flurry of activity that teenager are
capable of producing in such a short time span. Did everyone notice this? You
still aren’t able to realize what’s all happening? People, don’t blink. I guess
we’ll have to slow the tae down even more. Play it again, please.”
(Characters rewind)

Scene repeats but this time guy taking wallet knees
the other guy in the stomach, chops him on the back of head, and then takes his
wallet when they bump. Rest of scene takes place the same (after bump)

Sociologist: “Lights! This is amazing. I can
tell by your lackluster reaction that you are still not seeing the phenomenon
we’re trying to show you. Let’s slow the tape down even further and play it one
more time.” (Rewind)

Scene repeats but when 2nd guy get kneed
in gut and chopped, he grabs arm of 1st guy that has wallet and
swings over back so laying flat on ground. Pop back up for rest f scene to
proceed.

Sociologist: “Lights up again. Now what do you
think? Wait a minute. You can’t be serious. The full range of events has still
not been revealed to you? This is ridiculous. I can only slow this tape down so
much. Rewind the tape, slow it again, and lights off.”

The scene repeats the same as last time but as 2nd
guy flips 1st guys and gets wallet back, one of the girls walks over
and knees guy in groin, takes wallet, pushes guy over on ground, walks back to
friend, together they look on wallet, pull out the money, and give one another
high fives.

Sociologist: “Okay, you finally saw what we
did. Thanks for being an attentive audience. Good-night.

98. “He Said He’s Met You Before!”
Skit

Characters: (1) Old man; (2) Old woman; (3) gas
station attendant.

The old married couple are sitting in two chairs up
front. They are acting as if they are driving in a car — with the old man’s
hand on the steering wheel. They pull into a gas station, and the old man roles
down his window.

Gas station attendant: “Can I help you?”

Old man: “Fill ‘er up.”

Old Woman asks the old man, “What’d he
say?”

Old Man: “He asked if he could help us.”

Old Woman: “Tell him to fill ‘er up.”

Old Man: “I told him to fill it up.”

Gas station attendant: “Where are you two
headed?”

Old Man: “We’re going to Disneyland.”

Old Woman: “What’d he say?”

Old man: “He asked us where we’re
headed.”

Old Woman: “Tell him we’re going to
Disneyland.”

Old Man: (disgustingly) “I told him we’re
going to Disneyland!”

Gas station attendant: “Where are you two
from?”

Old Man: “We’re from Hudsonville.”

Old Woman: “What’d he say?”

Old Man: (angrily) “He asked us where we’re
from!”

Old Woman: “Tell him we’re from
Hudsonville.”

Old Man: (very angry) “I TOLD HIM WE’RE FROM
HUDSONVILLE!”

Gas station attendant: “Hudsonville, I’ve been
to Hudsonville before. The women there are DOG UGLY!”

Old Woman: “What’d he say?”

Old Man: (looks at the old woman, then at the gas
station attendant, and then back to the old woman and says) “He said he’s
met you before!”

Curtain closes — or lights go down — and music
comes on (ideally), or old woman and man get up and walk out of the room like
old folks.

OK, If you have made it this far you are desperate for an old skit, so I dug deep to make sure I didn’t leave any out, so there may be duplicates, but they are alphabetical. 

 

 
2001 Bowling, Golf and
Baseball Skits
2/8/2002
You will need three people,
the 2001 Space Odyssey theme song, strobe light, golf ball, baseball and
bowling costumes. These are really three skits with the same idea. In each
one the lights are out, and the strobe light comes on, with the theme song from
the 2001 Space Odyssey playing loudly. Then two people go through a scene
of golfing or baseball or bowling, using the music for dramatic effect.
A Day in the Desert Skit 3/19/2002
Place a glass of water in
the middle of the floor, with a sign that says, “Oasis.” Three people crawl
in, crying out, “Water, water, we’ve got to have some water!” Two people
die before making it to the water, but the third finally reaches the glass.
He picks up the glass of water, pulls out his comb, dips it in the water
and walks away happily combing his hair.
Abdul the Magnificent Skit 3/19/2002
This is a mind-reading skit
which, when done right, is downright spooky. Give each person a slip of
paper and ask him or her to write out his or her greatest ambition in life.
The slips are then folded, collected and “Abdul” (who should be dressed
appropriately) proceeds to perform the task of reading the sentences to the
group without opening the papers. How is it done? Abdul also puts one slip
of paper in the box along with the others; only he puts some kind of
identifying mark on his. When the reading starts, he picks one of the slips
from the box, rubs it on his forehead without opening it and offers any
sentence as a guess as to what is on the paper. He then looks at the paper,
and to his dismay he is wrong, but that will soon be forgotten. He can
blame it on the fact that the “spirits” aren’t quite right yet but that the
next one should be better. It’s important not to dwell on this mistake
long. Just get on with the next one. It’s also important not to reveal what
was actually on the paper guessed incorrectly. Just get ride of it and go
on. Another slip of paper is held to the forehead, and Abdul then repeats
the sentence that was actually on the previous paper. After rubbing his
forehead, he opens this second slip of paper, confirms that he is correct
and asks the person who wrote that sentence to identify it. Everyone is
impressed. Another paper is drawn and again, Abdul repeats the sentence
that was on the previously opened slip. Each time he opens up a slip of
paper to see if he is “correct” while he is actually learning the next
sentence. The important thing is to stay one slip ahead. When he comes to
his own slip, which has been held until last, he repeats the sentence on
the previous slip, and that takes care of all them. If this is done
smoothly, it will really baffle the group.
Army Skit 3/22/2002
Needed: Six members in
fatigues. One is the drill sergeant and the others are infantry. Sergeant
needs a BIG voice. Infantry should look scared as each member before them
gets trashed. Enter stage CALLING cadence. All: Left, left, left right left
… Sound Off: 1 2 – Sound Off: 3 4 – Sound Off: 1 2 3 4 Sergeant: I don’t
know, but I’ve been told … Infantry (all): South girls are really cold.
Sergeant: I don’t know, but it’s been said … Infantry (all): South girls
kiss like they are dead. Sound Off: 1 2 – Sound Off: 3 4 Sergeant: I knew a
girl from downtown Dutton … Infantry #1: She was real cute, but her pit
hairs needed cuttin’ Sergeant (to Infantry. #1): Are you from Dutton?
Infantry #1: (scared) Yes, sir. Sergeant: There are only two things from
Dutton, sheep and sheep dip – and you don’t got no wool on you, boy.
(Sergeant turns around.) (Infantry #5 sneezes.) Sergeant (turning to
Infantry #1): Did you sneeze? Infantry #1: No, sir. (Sergeant hits him in
the stomach and throws him against the wall. Infantry #1 is out of the way
and out for the count.) Sound Off: 1, 2 – Sound Off: 3, 4 Sergeant: I knew
a girl from Moline.
Infantry #2: She was real cute but her breath was mean. (Infantry #5
sneezes.) Sergeant: Did you sneeze? Infantry #2: No, sir! (Sergeant tosses
Infantry #2 over his shoulder.) Sound Off: 1, 2 – Sound Off: 3, 4 Sergeant:
I know a girl from Cutlerville … Infantry #3: She won’t kiss you, but her
brother will. (Infantry #5 sneezes.) Sergeant (to Infantry #3): Did you
sneeze? Infantry #3: No, sir! (Sergeant knees him in the groin, and he is
out of the way.) Sound Off: 1, 2 – Sound Off: 3, 4 Sergeant: I know a girl
from Byron Center … Infantry #4: I tried to
sell her, but I couldn’t even rent her. Sergeant (to Infantry #4): Boy,
there’s only two things that come out of Byron Center
… steers and big white chickens – and I don’t see no horns on you, boy. (Infantry
#5 sneezes.) Sergeant (to Infantry #4): Did you sneeze? Infantry #4: No,
sir! (Sergeant picks up Infantry #4 and gives him a back breaker on his
knee.) Sound Off: 1, 2 – Sound Off: 3, 4 Sergeant: I know a girl from Kalamazoo …
Infantry #5: She had cute calves and, boy, could she moo. Sergeant (to
Infantry #5): Boy, are you from Kalamazoo?
Infantry #5: Yes, sir. Sergeant: Only two things come from Kalamazoo, Comet and vomit – and you
ain’t shinin’, boy. Sound Off: 1, 2 – Sound Off: 3, 4 (Infantry #5
sneezes.) Sergeant: Boy, did you sneeze? Infantry #5: Yes, sir. Sergeant:
Well, bless you, boy! (pulls out hanky) You know you ought to look after
that … (they walk off stage).
Blind Date Skit 3/19/2002 
A guy and a girl are on a
date. He realizes that she is actually blind, so he starts doing all sorts
of crazy things. Finally she tells him that she’s only blind in one eye.
 
Boys in the Sandbox Skit 3/19/2002
Three guys sitting in a
sandbox, talking like kids. The one says: “Hey, I hear there’s some new
girls in town! Yuck, gross, etc. We hate girls.” Then the girls come in
with hair in pigtails and carrying dolls. They abuse them with, “Is that
your face or did a ferret crawl up your collar?” etc. After a few insults,
the girls get upset and say: “Well if you don’t want to play with us, we
won’t share our tickets to the Final Four!” The guys go crazy apologizing.
“We’re sorry! We didn’t mean it. We’ll be nice!” Then the girls get
together and conference and decide: “OK, you can come with us, but first
you have to play house!” The guys get together and you hear: “Play house,
we’d rather die, or have scabies! No way!” Until someone distinctly says:
“Final Four!” to which they all nod and come out and openly agree. The
girls conference and then decide the guys all have to carry dolls. The guys
go through the same and finally agree. The girls say: “You have to hold our
hands.” The guys finally comply. Then the girls give guys an envelope with
tickets. The guys tear it open to find the final four tickets to the Barbie
Doll Beauty Pageant. Each boy and girl exit holding hands, with the boys
crying.
Bucket Trick Skit 3/19/2002
Before your kids arrive,
half fill a bucket with confetti or rice. Carefully place a ladle filled
with water on top of the rice, making sure that no water gets spilled and
that the ladle remains dry underneath. Cover the top of the bucket to hide
its contents. After everyone arrives and is gathered around (not too
close), announce that you have acquired water from the fountain of youth.
Carefully remove the ladle without spilling the water or revealing the
contents of the bucket. Then pour the water from the ladle into a glass and
have a volunteer (an accomplice) drink it. After a brief pause, the
volunteer should start acting like a toddler. Then he or she should grab
the bucket and throw its contents on the group. Surprise! It’s just rice,
not water.
Bumpy Brain Skit 3/19/2002
To perform this skit, choose
one student to be your assistant—and tell her beforehand how the trick is
done. Your group thinks of a number between 1 and 10: someone in the group
whispers the number to your assistant. Announce that you will use your
expert skill to tell them the number they chose by feeling the bumps on
your assistant’s skull. Place both of your hands on your assistant’s
head—your thumbs on her jawbones near her ears—and pretend to feel the
bumps on her skull for a few seconds. What you’re actually feeling,
however, is how many times your assistant clenches her jaw, which you can
feel with your thumbs. Astound your group by declaring the very number they
selected.
Bus Stop Skit 2/8/2002
You will need “The Lion
Sleeps Tonight” music, costumes, pick-pocket set up and a bus stop scene.
All of the leaders can be in this one. Everyone is sitting at the bus stop,
waiting for the bus. Two people wearing trench coats are also there. These
two get into a conversation about how every day they all come to the same
bus stop but never interact. One starts singing “The Lion Sleeps Tonight”
song, the other person joins in, and gradually everyone is doing it until
they are all dancing around singing. One person says that the bus is there,
and the group acts like it is getting on (leaving the room). The first two
people who began the song stay back and start pulling things out of their
jackets, asking each other what they got (they were pick-pocketing all the
others while they were dancing).
Chair Wrestling Skit 2/8/2002
You will need a folding
chair, wrestling singlet, headgear, music and a strobe light. The wrestler
will come into the room as if entering a big prizefight, with the folding
chair up front. After the wrestler gets into his wresting stance, the
lights go down, and the strobe light comes on as the wrestling begins. Go
through a few moves (be sure to include holding the chair above your head
and bringing it back down with a big slam), and end either with the chair
or the wrestler winning – however you want it.
Chirpees Script Skit 3/22/2002
Announcer: In the 1970s the
need for more energy to disco led to what we now know as “The Cereal
Revolution.” In the 1980s … it was Tony the Tiger, Toucan Sam and, yes,
Count Chocula and Boo Berry.
In the ‘90s … Rice Krispies were “Snap, Crackle and Popping” their way into
every breakfast nook in America.
Now, the cutting edge generation of 2000 is here with the fun-filled cereal
you can play with—Chirpees, the talking cereal! Boy (Hunter): You mean a
cereal can really talk! Announcer: That’s right, son. (put the microphone
into the box—when Steve says “get me outta here”) Well, go ahead, son, and
pour some out! Boy: (pour some into bowl) Hey, cereal! My name is Hunter,
what is yours? Cereal doesn’t respond. Announcer: Son, Chirpees isn’t just
a talking cereal. It is actually an intelligent life form in the shape of a
circle! Go ahead, son, ask it a question. Boy: OK … what is 2+2? (After
Cereal doesn’t respond …) Announcer: Don’t be discouraged, son. Go ahead,
ask it a tougher question. Boy: OK … how do I get someone to ask me to
the Valentine’s dance? (After Cereal doesn’t respond …) Announcer: Not
only is Chirpees a talking cereal fortified with 3 percent of your daily
vitamin needs, but it also stays crispy in milk. Go ahead and pour some on
there, my little tike! (Hunter pours milk on and stirs up with spoon.) Go
ahead, son, try a delicious bite! (Hunter slowly moves spoon to mouth, puts
cereal in and bites really hard.) LIGHTS OUT!
Coke Commercial Skit 2/8/2002
Have one person standing,
holding an unopened Coke bottle, the next fellow holding a bottle opener,
the other two doing nothing. The skit opens with the first examining the
bottle very closely, then passing it on to the next. He opens the bottle
and passes it on to the third person. He/she guzzles the entire thing and
passes the empty bottle to the next person. The last person looks at the
empty bottle with a sick look and burps as loud as he can.
Coke’s Fine Dining Campaign
Skit
2/8/2002
This is a quick commercial:
“And now ladies and gentlemen, a word from our sponsor. With the successful
marketing of the Arch Deluxe for adults, Coca-Cola now turns its
advertising to a more mature fine dining audience. ‘Coca Cola – the choice
of a mature generation.’” Two couples enter in tuxes and prom gowns. The
first girl pulls out a bottle of Coke and hands it to the next guy in line;
he pulls out a handkerchief, twists the cap and hands it to the next girl;
she in very ladylike fashion, guzzles down the whole bottle and hands it,
empty, to the last guy, who belches.
Commercial Take-Off Skit 2/8/2002
Any commercial can be fair
game for a one-timer skit. Keep your eyes open. For example, mocking the
milk commercials have worked well. Also, we have used a little puppet with
a kid’s face screened on like the Nike Little Penny Hardaway commercials.
Contagious Ward Skit 2/8/2002
You will need six people,
pregnant woman costume and a nurse costume. The room is set up like a
doctor’s office with a nurse at the desk. The first person comes in and
says that hhe has an appointment to see the doctor and sits down. The
second person comes in sneezing like crazy, saying that she has an
appointment and then sits down. Gradually the first person starts to
sneeze, and the second person sneezes less and less, until only the first
person is sneezing. The second person notices that she isn’t sneezing
anymore and then walks out. Another person comes in coughing
uncontrollably, saying that he has an appointment and then sits down.
Gradually the first person starts to cough (while still sneezing), and the
third person coughs less and less, until only the first person is coughing
(and sneezing). The third person notices that he isn’t coughing anymore and
then walks out. The same thing happens with someone who is itching all
over, until finally a pregnant woman walks in. The first person screams and
runs out of the room.
Copper Clapper Caper Skit 3/22/2002
This entire skit should be
done in the style of the old Dragnet TV series. For costumes you could wear
trench coats and fedoras and hold a detective’s memo pad. The theme from
Dragnet can be found on Television’s Greatest Hits. The players: Friday – a
cop Casey – owner of the Acme School Bell Company Friday: This is the city:
Los Angeles, California. Some people rob for
pleasure. Some rob because it’s there, you never know. My name’s Friday,
and I’m a cop. I was working the day watch on a robbery when I got a call
from the Acme School Bell Company. There’d been a robbery. Casey: There’s
been a robbery. Friday: Yes, sir. What was it? Casey: My clappers. Friday:
Your clappers. Casey: Yeah, you know, those things inside a bell that makes
‘em clang. Friday: The clanger. Casey: That’s right. We call them clappers
in the business. Friday: A clapper caper. Casey: What’s that? Friday:
Nothing sir, now can I have the facts? What kind of clappers were stolen on
this caper? Casey: They were copper clappers. Friday: And where were they
kept? Casey: In the closet. Friday: Uh huh. Do you have any ideas who might
have taken the copper clappers from the closet? Casey: Well, just one. I
fired a man. He swore he’d get even. Friday: What was his name? Casey:
Claude Cooper. Friday: You think he … Casey: Yeah, that’s right. I think
Claude Cooper copped my copper clappers kept in the closet. Friday: Do you
know where this Claude Cooper is from? Casey: Yeah, Cleveland. Friday: That figures. Casey:
And, what makes it worse, they were clean. Friday: Clean copper clappers.
Casey: That’s right. Friday: Why do you think that Cleveland’s Claude Cooper would cop your
clean copper clappers kept in your closet? Casey: Only one reason. Friday:
What’s that? Casey: He’s a kleptomaniac. Friday: Who first discovered the
copper clappers were copped? Casey: My cleaning woman, Clara Clifford.
Friday: That figures. Now let me see if I got the facts straight here.
Cleaning woman Clara Clifford discovered your clean copper clappers kept in
a closet were copped by Claude Cooper the kleptomaniac from Cleveland. Now is
that about it? Casey: One other thing. Friday: What’s that? Casey: If I
ever catch kleptomaniac Claude Cooper from Cleveland who copped my clean copper
clappers kept in the closet … Friday: Yes … Casey: I’ll clobber him!
Creativity Test Skit 3/19/2002
You’ll need a nerdy computer
person and a smart looking psychologist. Mr. Tolson is knocking at the door
on the door of Dr. Roberts, the in-house psychologist. Dr. Roberts: Mr.
Tolson Mr. Tolson: Are you Dr. Roberts? Dr. Roberts: Yes, come in. Please
have a seat. Sorry to have to call you down here on such short notice, but
your company asked me to give you a creativity test. Mr. Tolson: I’ve never
taken one of those before. Dr. Roberts: Well, they’re pretty easy.
Actually, they can be fun. Would you like a beverage? Mr. Tolson: I work in
the computer center on the 17th floor. We just got a new
computer in, and they put it in the back of the center. And all I did, I
told them that they should put it up in the front of the center, so more of
the people could get to it, but they didn’t. Dr. Roberts: Fascinating. OK,
the first test that we’re going to do is called a word association test.
Mr. Tolson: I don’t know what that is. Dr. Roberts: Well, it’s pretty
simple. I’ll give you a word, and you say whatever you can think of. Mr.
Tolson: Well, that sounds easy. Dr. Roberts: Great! OK, well let’s start.
First word, “shoe.” Mr. Tolson: Shoe Dr. Roberts: “Rabbit” Mr. Tolson:
(long pause) Rabbit Dr. Roberts: “Truck” Mr. Tolson: Truck Dr. Roberts: OK,
you’re just saying the words that I’m saying. Mr. Tolson: I know, but when
you say the word, that’s the word that I think of. Dr. Roberts: OK, it’s my
fault then. Let’s try again, only this time I want you to change the word.
Mr. Tolson: OK, so not just the same word. Dr. Roberts: Great. You’re
catching on. OK? Next word “hat.” Mr. Tolson: Hats. Dr. Roberts: “Moose”
Mr. Tolson: Meese Dr. Roberts: OK, now all you are doing is just
pluralizing the words that I’m saying. Mr. Tolson: Yeah, but they’re
different. Dr. Roberts: Yeah, they are different, but that’s not what I
want. OK, let me give you an example. Why don’t you give me a word? Mr.
Tolson: I give you a word? Dr. Roberts: Yeah, any word. Mr. Tolson: Word
Dr. Roberts: Fine, uh, that makes me think of “constriction” (folds arms
across chest in a constrictive manner). Don’t worry you’ll catch on. Let’s
try it again. Okay, “trumpet.” Mr. Tolson: Constriction (folding arms in
same manner) Dr. Roberts: “Scarf” Mr. Tolson: Moose Dr. Roberts: “Cat” Mr.
Tolson: Scarf Dr. Roberts: All right, now you’re just using the words that
I’ve already used. Mr. Tolson: Well, you didn’t say that I could use them
up. Dr. Roberts: Well, you can. OK? Why don’t we just move on to another
test? Mr. Tolson: They got this new computer up in the computer center, and
I just told them they should put it up front, but they put it in the back.
Dr. Roberts: That’s fascinating. OK? Look, uh, for this next test I’m going
to start a sentence, and I want you to complete it, OK? Mr. Tolson: So all
I have to do is finish it. OK, all right. Well this one sounds easy. Dr.
Roberts: OK, great. Now here is the first sentence. “When we went to the
park we were going to …” Mr. Tolson: Period Dr. Roberts: OK, look, you
have to add some words to it. OK? Squeeze some words between the period and
the other words all right. Let’s try it again. Let’s do another one. “Jerry
had a wonderful red balloon, and he took it to …” Mr. Tolson: His friend
Jerry … who also had a red balloon … and liked to add words. Dr.
Roberts: Look, Mr. Tolson, I need you to come up with some answers on your
own. OK? Mr. Tolson: We got a computer, and they wouldn’t put it in the
front and … Dr. Roberts: Look, I heard you the first time. Mr. Tolson:
Are you angry with me? Dr. Roberts: No, Mr. Tolson, I’m not angry with you.
Let’s move to the next test all right. This is called a Rohrshach Test.
What it is, is some people who took a piece of paper and put some ink on it
and folded it. What I need you to do is look into these inkblots and tell
me what you see. (Holding up ink blot) Now, what do you see here, Mr.
Tolson? Mr. Tolson: A black smear. Dr. Roberts: Yeah, that’s exactly what
it is. I need you to look into it and tell me what you see. Mr. Tolson:
(Looking at the doctor’s shoes) I see black shoes. Dr. Roberts: That’s
good. I could see that. Mr. Tolson: (looking at the doctor’s tie) I see a
brown tie. Dr. Roberts: Um hum, good, good. Mr. Tolson: (looking at the
wall) I see a diploma from Grand
Valley State
University. Dr.
Roberts: That is enough, Mr. Tolson. You will not leave this office until
you tell me what you see in this. Mr. Tolson: I don’t want to, I don’t want
to. Dr. Roberts: Look, I’m going to make you use one creative bone in your
body if it’s the last thing I do. Now look at this and tell me what you
see. Tell me. Mr. Tolson: I see a dog. (struggling) Dr. Roberts: Good. Mr.
Tolson: And it’s on a log. (continuing to struggle) Dr. Roberts: Good, go
with that. Mr. Tolson: And the dog is a terrier … and it’s rabid … and
it shakes its head back and forth in meaningless anger. Dr. Roberts: Good,
good, good. Mr. Tolson: And foam sprays from its mouth, and we follow this
droplet of spit down to see where it lands on a symmetrical lawn, and the
drop of spit slowly transforms, becoming a flaming brass eagle holding the
Magna Carta in its claws. This eagle takes flight and soars over the (spit)
gray convulsive Atlantic Ocean. (lowering
voice) It flies low by the choppy waves, a massive shimmering sea bass
leaps up, and it snatches the Magna Carta. But the sea bass is served to
the family of Long John Silver’s restaurant. And as the family devours the
fish, the father is transformed. His eyes glow wolf-yellow, he stares at
his claws, and a massive crowd gathers around. He screams wildly into the
night sky: “Where is the passion?” “Where … is … the … passion?” Dr.
Roberts: (stunned) I’ll see what I can do about getting those computers
moved. Mr. Tolson: Yeah, on the 17th floor, and they put it in
the back. Dr. Roberts: Sure, OK.
Cupid Skit 3/19/2002
Girl sitting on park bench.
Guy comes in and likes the girl, but she doesn’t respond. Cupid comes in,
shoots the girl, and she gets really affectionate and scares the guy. Then
Cupid shoots the guy. Instead of getting all lovey, guy dies. Cupid takes
his place on the park bench.
Da Tre Berrese Skit (an
Italian Fairy Tale)
 
Uans oppona taim ues tre
Berrese. Mama berre, Papa berre e Bebi berre live ine contri nire foresta …
naise aus. Unno dai, pappa, mama e bebi go tuda biche anie forghette locha
di dorre. Bai en bai commese Goldilachese. Schi garra nattinghe tudo batta
meiche troble. Schi puschie olle fudde daon di naute. No leve cromme. Dan
schi gos appesterese enne slipse in alle beddse … leise slobbe! Bai enne
bai commese omme de tre berrese. Alle sonnebrande enne sandinna scius. Dei
garra no fudde; garra no beddse en wara dei goine due to Goldilachese? Tro
erre inne strit? Colle pullisemenne? Fette cienze! Dei vas Italian berres!
Goldilachese stei derra tre unniddase. Schi etta aute auseun homme. Ongusta
becose dei asche erra to meiche de beddse schi sai “go jumpe in di lache!”
enne runne omma criane tu erra mam, tellen erre vat sansigunses di tre
berres vor! Vatsi use? Varrjugoine du? Go complieneto sittiole? De ende!
Dirty Socks/Laundry
Detergent Skit
2/8/2002
This is a TV commercial. Get
a pair of white socks with chocolate syrup all over them to make them look
dirty. Fill two different detergent bottles with milk and food coloring.
Wash the socks and compare the results. Both clean the same, so drink the
“water” to see which tastes better.
Do Brothers Skit 3/19/2002
Have a shaving cream fight
to the Dueling Banjos song.
Dueling Nostrils Skit  
You will need two people,
penlights and the Dueling Banjos song from the soundtrack of the movie
Deliverance. Two people come in very seriously, dressed in concert costumes
(maybe tuxedos) and carrying instrument cases. They set their cases down,
open then up and then pull out Q-tips. They clean out their noses with the
Q-tips and then put the penlights up into their noses, which is the cue for
the lights to go out and the music to start. They then go back and forth,
with one person following the guitar and the other following the banjo,
lighting up the lights, which makes their noses glow red. After the song is
done, they very seriously pack up their things and leave the room.
Eddie Spaghetti Skit 3/19/2002
Eddie Spaghetti is a guy who
makes spaghetti at lunchtime at work, and he has brought all that he needs
in strange places, like spaghetti in his shoes, Parmesan cheese in his
hair, etc. Have one person be Eddie and prepare his spaghetti, pulling all
the ingredients from somewhere odd and unexpected … being as creative
(and gross) as you want.
Elevated Gum Skit 2/11/2002
Props: Sunglasses Briefcase
T-shirt Box of candy Cast: Straight man Greaser Jock Straight man enters
chewing gum, carrying briefcase. Walks up to elevator, pushes button, goes
in. Chews gum like it’s losing its flavor, decides to stick it to the wall.
Doors open, and he leaves. Greaser enters, pushes button, enters elevator.
He leans on the wall, and his hand sticks to the gum. He pulls his hand off
the wall (which is hard to do). Greaser looks at the gum, stretches it out
some, picks his nose, gets grease off his hair, sneezes, cleans his ears
… all this gets on the gum. He chews it a while. Door opens, and he
throws the gum on the back of the elevator and then leaves. Jock enters,
dumb, spacey, letterjacket on … typical jock. He enters the elevator,
leans on the wall (back wall) and the gum gets stuck: Head and elevator
Hand and head Both hands Foot and both hands Both feet and both hands Hands
Knees Hand to face The jock finally gets free, sticks the gum on the
elevator wall where it originally was. Straight man enters, sees the gum
and decides to chew it again and then leaves.
Emergency Broadcast System
Skit
3/19/2002
This skit involves all of
the leaders. After they are all up front, someone says, “This is a test of
the emergency broadcast system, this is only a test.” One person makes the
“eeeeeee” sound that we hear on the radio. Then the first person says, had
this not been a test but a real situation, the following would have
happened: the second person makes the “eeeeeee” sound again and all of the
leaders go crazy and run out of the room like the world is coming to an
end.
Enlarging Machine Skit 3/19/2002
You need a very large box
that looks like a machine. You then will put things into the machine, and
they will come out larger (frisbee, ball, flower). Then you will put a baby
doll in, and out will come a kid dressed in a diaper.
Example of an Interrupter
Skit (based off old Carol Burnett Show)
3/22/2002
Characters: Reginold – rich,
pompous husband Eleanor – rich, pompous wife Male Butler – mute, physical
and facial humor Female Butler – mute, physical and facial humor Narrator
Needs: Long dining room table set for dinner Plates w/ food (covers as
well?) Salt and pepper shakers/candles/etc. Butler
uniforms Rich uniforms Gun (cap gun) Narrator: Now ladies and gentlemen,
picture if you will … a nice evening meal at a wealthy Worthington home. (Scene opens w/ table
set, male and female butlers standing straight-faced at attention behind
middle of table. One chair at either end. Reginold and Eleanor enter
together.) Reginold: (as they are walking in) Eleanor, my dearest, I am so
looking forward to dinner with you this evening. (Stops at near chair … she
continues on around to other side.) Eleanor: Yes, me too, Reginold darling.
(She pauses behind chair.) Reginold: Excuse me, my honeybun, allow me to
get your chair. (Male butler walks over and gets her chair for her … then
comes back and gets Reginald’s chair for him.) Eleanor: Why, thank you,
dear, you are such a gentleman. May I light the candles, my pookie bear.
Reginold: Why, of course, dear. (Female butler lights candles.) It does add
to the ambiance of the evening. (As they speak from here, both butlers
begin to “cater” to their respective person, i.e. put napkin around neck,
cut food and begin to feed them, give them water … meanwhile they continue
conversation.) Eleanor: Reginold, dearest, you received a phone call today
from you mother in Boston.
Reginold: Really, what did mother have to say? Eleanor: (says as if upset
about it) She said that she was soo excited to MOVE in with US next month …
I, of course, was not aware of such a thing. Reginold: (realizing he
screwed up … tries to change subject) This food is just a little bland.
Could you pass the salt and pepper, dear? Eleanor: Of course, darling
(Female butler grabs salt and pepper shakers and sets in front of
Reginald’s dish, then Male butler picks up salt and pepper and puts it on
Reginald’s food …meanwhile Eleanor remains persistent.) As I was saying,
darling, I didn’t know your mother was coming to live with us. Reginold:
(once again trying to change subject) There is a little chill in here, my
honeybun. Why don’t you put on my jacket. (Male butler takes off jacket and
starts to put in on Eleanor’s shoulders, but as he does she yells.)
Eleanor: I don’t want your jacket. (As she says this, the Female butler
snatches the jacket away violently … Male Butler just looks shocked, then
sulks back to his place.) As a matter of fact, here is what I think of your
jacket! (Eleanor stares at female butler as if to give her permission …
female butler looks at both of them quickly as if to check and then rips
the jacket in half …) I want to know why your mother is moving in with us!
Reginold: Don’t you yell at me, my dear! Do you know how that makes me
feel? Let me show you how that makes me feel. (Male butler turns to female
butler and grabs her by the arms and just shakes her.) Eleanor: Stop you
imbecile. I’ll show you what I think of your mother. (Female butler smacks
male butler.) Reginold: How dare you smack me. Take that! (Male butler
picks up whipped cream dessert and smacks it in female butler’s face.)
Eleanor: That’s it (crying upset), I just can’t take it anymore! I have had
enough of you … (she hands a gun to the female butler who excitedly smiles
and begins to point it at the male butler) …That is why I must kill myself!
(Female butler snaps around and stares at Eleanor in state of shock.) Yes,
I can’t live like this any longer. (Female butler shaking her head no and
pointing gun at male butler as if to suggest shooting him.) I must shoot
myself! (Female butler gives up and shoots herself in the stomach NOT IN
HEAD! … careful here to be sensitive to suicide stuff … this must be
obviously overacted and funny, not morbid! …collapses on table.) Reginold:
What have I done? (Male butler is smiling smugly.) This gun and my
attitude. (Male butler grabs gun.) What have I done? I cannot live without
you, my dear! (Male butler looks at him like he’s crazy.) I MUST SHOOT
MYSELF! ( Male butler shaking head no.) Yes! I must! (Male butler shrugs
shoulders and shoots himself in stomach as well … collapsing on the table.)
Eleanor: (as if it is all better) Oh Reginold, darling, I can’t believe you
would kill yourself for me. (She gets up and runs toward him behind the
table and dead bodies) Reginold: Anything for you, my dear … I love you so
much. (Hugs her and takes her hand to lead her out.) Eleanor: (as they
exit) I simply hate it when we have these little spats! Reginold: They are
so silly. I am sorry my dear … (They exit.) (Male butler and female
butler lift up a little, look at each other, roll their eyes and recollapse
dead on table.) LIGHTS OUT!
Foreign Exchange Student
Skit
2/8/2002
You need someone who can
speak a foreign language fluently. It sometimes is fun if you have a real
foreign exchange student at club who will play it up. Explain that you the
leader are excited to make Young Life for everybody and thought that it may
be best to have a foreign exchange student come and share their thoughts on
Young Life. You will ask the questions and translate for the crowd. Bring
in your non-English-speaking student and ask them things like: “How do you
like the music at club?” Have the student rant and rave, holding their
nose, rambling about how awful it is, and when they are finished, you smile
and tell the crowd they loved it. Continue until the student gets mad and walks
out.
Future Banana Skit 2/11/2002
This short skit requires no
words. A guy walks out on stage, sits on a chair in the middle of the stage
and takes out a banana. Meanwhile, the music from the movie 2001: A Space
Odyssey is playing in the background, and the lights are off with the
strobe light on. The guy peels the banana and eats it to the music. If done
properly, with appropriate facial expressions, the results are hilarious.
God Has Been Good to Me
Skit
3/19/2002
A old man is in a doctor’s
office getting a checkup. His wife is waiting outside the room. Doctor:
“Well, you seem to be doing OK.” Old Man: “Yes, God has been good to me. He
even turns the lights on in the bathroom for me whenever I have to go.”
Doctor: “Oh really, tell me more about that.” Old Man: “Well, whenever I
have to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, I open up the door,
and the light automatically comes on, and then when I shut the door, it
goes off. God has been good to me.” Doctor: “Interesting, well I hope your good
fortune continues. Thanks for coming in today.” He opens up the door and
asks the man’s wife to come in. Doctor: “Your husband seems to be in good
health. I do have one question though. He said that God turns the light on
for him whenever he has to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.
Can you explain this?” Wife: “Oh no, he told you about that! He’s been
peeing in the refrigerator again!”
Granny’s Candy Store Skit 2/8/2002
Paint a verbal picture of
the various kids acting as three chairs in Granny’s store. Have three guys
standing there, but with no parts to play. Have several kids come dressed
up as 5-year olds. They ask granny for licorice, and she regretfully tells
them she has none. They ask for several other kinds of candy, and each time
she says she just ran out. Finally, disgustedly, the little kids ask what
kind she does have, and she says all she has left is these three suckers
standing over here in the corner.
Grecian Urn Skit 2/8/2002
You will need togas, water
and music. Four or five people spit water in a ballerina type fashion,
making a human fountain while going along with the music. It works well for
each person to have a pitcher of water.
Green Eggs and Ham Skit 3/22/2002
Props (models or posters of
each): house box car train boat mouse fox tree rain (watering can) goat a
plate of green eggs and ham (green jello) This one-act skit opens with Old
Man seated on one side of the stage, and a card table on the other. On the
table sits a large cardboard box with all the props concealed inside. Sam
is wearing a waiter outfit. Old Man can be wearing anything, the goofier
the better. Sam: (Sam enters stage left and prances across the entire
stage) I am Sam … Sam I am. Old Man: That Sam-I-am! That Sam-I-am! I do
not like that Sam-I-am! Sam: Do you like green eggs and ham? (Holds plate
of GE&H under his face) Old Man: I do not like them Sam-I-am. I do not
like green eggs and ham. Sam: Would you like them here or there? Old Man: I
would not like them here or there. I would not like them anywhere. I do not
like green eggs and ham. I do not like them Sam-I-am. Sam: (Sets down plate
on card table) Would you like them in a house? (Displays house model or
poster) Would you like them with a mouse? (Displays mouse) Old Man: I do
not like them in a house. I do not like them with a mouse. I do not like
them here or there. I do not like them anywhere. I do not like green eggs
and ham. I do not like them Sam-I-am. Sam: Would you eat them in a box?
(Displays box) Would you eat them with a fox? (Displays fox) Old Man:
(Calm, cool, collected) Not in a box. Not with a fox. Not in a house. Not
with a mouse. I would not eat them here or there. I would not eat them
anywhere. I would not eat green eggs and ham. I do not like them Sam-I-am.
Sam: (Pauses to think, then comes up with an idea) Would you? Could you? In
a car? (Displays car) Eat them! Eat them! Here they are. Old Man: (Calm,
cool, collected) I would not, could not, in a car. Sam: You may like them.
You will see. You may like them in a tree! (Displays tree) Old Man:
(Louder, faster, frustrated) I would not, could not in a tree. Not in a
car! You let me be. I do not like them in a box. I do not like them with a
fox. I do not like them in a house. I do not like them with a mouse. I do
not like them here or there. I do not like them anywhere. I do not like
green eggs and ham. I do not like them Sam-I-am. Sam: (Pauses again to
think, then goes nuts) (Displays train) A train! A train! A train! A train!
Could you, would you, on a train? Old Man: (Pauses to collect himself) Not
on a train! Not in a tree! Not in a car! Sam! Let me be! I would not ,
could not, in a box. I could not, would not, with a fox. I will not eat
them with a mouse. I will not eat them in a house. I will not eat them here
or there. I will not eat them anywhere. I do not like green eggs and ham. I
do not like them Sam-I-am. Sam: (After a long pause, pacing …) Say! In
the dark? Here in the dark! Would you, could you, in the dark? (Lights go
out) Old Man: (Slowly, perhaps someone else on a microphone) I would not,
could not in the dark. Sam: (Lights go on, Sam is already pouring water on
Old Man) Would you, could you in the rain? Old Man: (After being drenched,
Old Man stands up walks towards Sam, Sam backing up) I would not, could not
in the rain. Not in the dark. Not on a train. Not in a car. Not in a tree.
I do not like them, Sam, you see. Not in a house. Not in a box. Not with a
mouse. Not with a fox. I will not eat them here or there. I do not like
them anywhere! Sam: You do not like green eggs and ham? Old Man: I do not
like them Sam-I-am. (Returns to chair) Sam: (Long pause, cautiously asks)
Could you, would you, with a goat? (Displays goat) Old Man: (Nervous
laughter, then replies) I would not, could not, with a goat! Sam: Would you,
could you, on a boat? (Displays boat) Old Man: (Calmly studies plastic boat
for a few seconds, then freaks out) I could not, would not, on a boat! I
will not, will not, with a goat! I will not eat them in the rain! I will
not eat them on a train! Not in the dark! Not in a tree! Not in a car! You
let me be! I do not like them in a box! I do not like them with a fox! I
will not eat them in a house! I do not like them with a mouse! I do not
like them here or there! I do not like them ANYWHERE! I DO NOT LIKE GREEN
EGGS AND HAM! I DO NOT LIKE THEM SAM-I-AM! Sam: (Crowd will be on its feet
cheering, continue when quiet) You do not like them. So you say. Try them!
Try them! And you may. Try them and you may, I say. Old Man: (Exhausted
from his fit of rage) Sam! If you will let me be, I will try them. You will
see. (Certain he won’t like them, Old Man takes a bite. His face suddenly
changes from a frown to utter shock and joy.) Say! I like green eggs and
ham! I do! I like them Sam-I-am! (From here to the end, Sam will attempt to
display each item as the Old Man names them—really funny.) And I would eat
them in a boat! And I would eat them with a goat! And I will eat them in
the rain! And in the dark! And on a train! And in a car! And in a tree!
They are so good, so good, you see! So I will eat them in a box! And I will
eat them with a fox! And I will eat them in a house. And I will eat them
with a mouse! And I will eat them here or there! Say! I will eat them
anywhere! I do so like green eggs and ham! Thank you! Thank you, Sam-I-am!
(Punch line is Sam smashing plate into old man’s face.)
Hallway Skit 3/19/2002
Stage Placements: Two guys
facing one another at opposite ends of stage and two girls in the back
talking to one another. Remain frozen during speaker’s speech. Sociologist:
Good evening, tonight we want to demonstrate the phenomenon of casual
social interaction. This took place in a school hallway, and in order to
realize the extraordinary events that we have documented, you must pay
careful attention. OK, lets cut the lights and roll the tape. Two guys
start walking toward one another and when they pass, they accidentally bump
into each other slightly. First guy: “Hey, man, watch where you’re going!”
Other guy: “I’m sorry.” Sociologist: Lights please. Alright, did anyone see
the intense interaction taking place? No? I told you, you really have to
pay close attention. Maybe it will help if we play the tape back and slow
it down a little. OK then, rewind the tape and kill the lights. All the
characters rewind their actions, including the girls in background, in fast
speed. Wait for the strobe light and repeat scene but slower speed. This
time, when guys bump into each other, one of them grabs wallet out of the
other guy’s pocket. Freeze at the end of scene. Sociologist: “Lights up.
This time you people had to see it. We are simply amazed at the flurry of
activity that teenagers are capable of producing in such a short time span.
Did everyone notice this? You still aren’t able to realize what’s all
happening? People, don’t blink. I guess we’ll have to slow the take down
even more. Play it again, please.” Characters rewind. Scene repeats, but
this time guy taking wallet knees the other guy in the stomach, chops him
on the back of head and then takes his wallet when they bump. Rest of scene
takes place the same (after bump). Sociologist: “Lights! This is amazing. I
can tell by your lackluster reaction that you are still not seeing the
phenomenon we’re trying to show you. Let’s slow the tape down even further
and play it one more time.” Characters rewind. Scene repeats, but when
second guy gets kneed in gut and chopped, he grabs arm of first guy who has
his wallet and swings him over his back so laying flat on ground. He pops
back up for rest of scene to proceed. Sociologist: “Lights up again. Now
what do you think? Wait a minute. You can’t be serious. The full range of
events has still not been revealed to you? This is ridiculous. I can only
slow this tape down so much. Rewind the tape, slow it again and lights
off.” The scene repeats the same as last time but as second guy flips first
guy and gets wallet back, one of the girls walks over and knees guy in
groin, takes wallet, pushes guy over on ground, walks back to friend,
together they look on wallet, pull out the money and give one another high
fives. Sociologist: “OK, you finally saw what we did. Thanks for being an
attentive audience. Good night.”
He Said He’s Met You Before
Skit
3/19/2002
Characters: Old Man Old
Woman Gas Station Attendant An old married couple is sitting in two chairs
up front. They are acting as if they are driving in a car – with the old
man’s hand on the steering wheel. They pull into a gas station, and the old
man rolls down his window. Gas Station Attendant: “Can I help you?” Old
Man: “Fill ‘er up.” Old Woman asks the Old Man: “What’d he say?” Old Man:
“He asked if he could help us.” Old Woman: “Tell him to fill ‘er up.” Old
Man: “I told him to fill ‘er up.” Gas Station Attendant: “Where are you two
headed?” Old Man: “We’re going to Disneyland.” Old Woman: “What’d he say?”
Old Man: “He asked us where we’re headed.” Old Woman: “Tell him we’re going
to Disneyland.” Old Man: (disgustingly) “I told him we’re going to
Disneyland!” Gas Station Attendant: “Where are you two from?” Old Man:
“We’re from Hudsonville.” Old Woman: “What’d he say?” Old Man: (angrily)
“He asked us where we’re from!” Old Woman: “Tell him we’re from
Hudsonville.” Old Man: (very angrily) “I TOLD HIM WE’RE FROM HUDSONVILLE!”
Gas Station Attendant: “Hudsonville, I’ve been to Hudsonville before. The
women there are DOG UGLY!” Old Woman: “What’d he say?” Old Man: (looks at
the Old Woman, then at the Gas Station Attendant, and then back to the Old
Woman and says) “He said he’s met you before!” Curtain closes – or lights
go down – and music comes on (ideally), or Old Woman and Old Man get up and
walk out of the room like old folks.
Hiccup Skit 2/8/2002
You may sell this one as a
time to think about when you had the hiccups. Lights go off and back on (a
little you sits in a chair facing club and hiccupping). Frustrated with the
hiccupping, you say aloud that you wish you could get rid of them. In back
of you a person dressed in a mask, bandana or something like that sneaks up
to try to scare you. Just as he/she is about to scare you, you shout, “I
know. I’ll drink some water!” You jump up, and the guy/girl behind dives
the other way to avoid being seen (remember to keep hiccupping). You come
back with a glass of water, take a sip but hiccup really hard and throw the
water behind you onto the guy/girl as he/she begins sneaking up on you
again. Just as he/she is about to pounce on you again, you stand and yell,
“I know. I’ll stand on my head!” You try this but hiccup again while upside
down. Same scenario, you try to breathe in a paper bag … as he/she gets
close, you pop it in frustration, and he/she grabs his/her ears like you
just made them deaf. Finally after he/she regroups, he/she sneaks up on you
for the last time, and you turn and scream at him/her. He/she jumps and you
laugh and then realize you’ve lost your hiccups (exit excitedly). The
scared guy/girl gets up, takes off his/her mask, looks at the crowd and
hiccups. You may also do this in reverse by remembering back to the time
you wanted to help someone with his or her hiccups.
I Hate It When That Happens
Skit
3/19/2002
This one is straight from
Saturday Night Live in the ‘80s. Two people are sitting around exchanging
stories about what they hate happens, and the stories get bigger and more
exaggerated every time.
If I Were Not in Young Life
Skit
2/8/2002
You will need 5 people.
Possible characters are an undertaker, birdwatcher, farmer, surfer,
stewardess, ice cream maker, McD’s worker, post, ballerina. The song goes,
“If I were not in Young Life, I know just what I’d be. If I were not in
Young Life, a ____________ I would be.” And each person in turn jumps in
and does his or her character all in rhythm. Undertaker: Well, well, well,
you never can tell, if they’re going to heaven or if they’re going to …
Well, well, well. Birdwatcher: Hark, a lark, flying through the park,
splat. Farmer: Come on, Bessy, give. The baby’s got to live! Surfer: Hey,
Dave, totally awesome wave! Stewardess: Here’s your coffee, here’s your
tea, here’s your paper bag, blahh! Ice Cream Maker: Ushy gushy, ushy gushy,
good ice cream. Post: A post, a post, a post. A post, a post, a post.
Ballerina: Tippy, tippy toe, tippy toe, tippy toe.
Irate Neighbor Skit 2/8/2002
(For this skit to work, you
need to have the angry neighbor be played by an adult who the kids do not
know. A good idea is a man on your committee. It’s crucial that no kid
recognizes this guy, though.) First appearance: Angry neighbor knocks on
the door loudly, claiming a car is parked in his driveway (which is a
leader’s car, and they go out to move it). Angry neighbor is slightly
ticked off and asks for everybody to try to hold it down a little. Second
appearance: After a song (preferably a loud one), angry neighbor knocks
again, louder, and is angry because of the noise. He asks who’s in charge
of this, and a leader tries to calm him down. The neighbor says stuff like
he just got home from a long day at work, and he can’t relax with all the
noise. He’s a little louder this time and a little more confrontational.
After the leader reassures the angry neighbor, he leaves. By this time, the
kids probably can’t believe what a jerk this guy is. Third and last
appearance: A few minutes later, during one more really loud song (or a
loud game or anything loud), he busts in the door and gets right in the
leader’s face, poking him in the chest, telling him he’s going to call the
police if he doesn’t shut this “meeting” down immediately. Then the leader
starts to get mad back. He reaches behind something (a counter or anything)
and produces a cream pie and smashes it in the face of the angry neighbor,
then grabs him by his shirt and throws him out the door. The kids either
are hooting and hollering, or are freaked out that the leader would
actually do something like that. Next (and this is important) the leader
brings the angry neighbor back in, and tells everybody it’s all a gag. This
skit is a great way to introduce the kids to a guy on committee (who
doesn’t mind getting thrashed), and also show another adult who loves Young
Life and kids. Remember, if one kid knows about it early, it’ll probably
blow the whole thing. You can’t do this very often, not even once a year,
because a kid will probably remember it and then pipe up during club. Have
fun!
Joey Baloney Skit 3/19/2002
Joey Baloney is a guy who makes
baloney sandwiches at lunchtime at work, and he has brought all that he
needs in strange places, like bread in one shoe and baloney in the other,
mayo under one arm and mustard under the other, and maybe a knife and a
plate in a strange place too. Have one person be Joey and prepare his
sandwiches pulling all the ingredients from somewhere odd and unexpected
… being as creative (and gross) as you want.
Junior Class Play Skit 2/8/2002
You will need four people
for the doctor, director, mother and child. Mother: (enters sweeping the
floor) Son: (comes in the room holding his stomach) Mother, I’ve been shot.
Mother: Oh, my son. Son: I think I will die, mother. Mother: Oh, son you
must not do that. I will call the doctor. (She picks up the phone.) Doctor,
Doctor, do come quickly, my son has been shot and is dying. Doctor: (enters
immediately as mother hangs up the phone) Mother: Where have you been? This
is an emergency. Doctor: I had an emergency appendectomy after you called,
but I got here as soon as I could. Son: I feel sick. Mother: You look sick.
Doctor: You ARE SICK. Son: I think I will die. Mother: You must not die.
Doctor: He is dead. Director: Cut, cut, cut … First time: Have all the
actors read the script with no feeling or emotion. Then the director stops
the scene and says there must be more emotion. Second time: Do it with wild
emotion; it’s the saddest thing ever done … weeping and wailing, with very
pronounced actions. The director stops again, saying that that was a little
too much sadness, this time make it a little lighter. Third time: It is now
very, very funny. Laugh until it hurts. You can add other variations, such
as a hippie (he needs more social identity, etc.) Costumes and props are
key.
King and Queen Skit 3/22/2002
P = Prince K = King PR =
Princess G = Guard Q = Queen P to G: (In the tune of “Mary Had a Little
Lamb”) I have come to see the king, see the king, see the king I have come
to see the king, will you let me in? G to P: I will have to ask the king,
ask the king, ask the king I will have to ask the king, you must wait right
here. (P becomes K) G to K: (In the tune of “Pop Goes the Weasel”) King,
there is a suitor without He wants to see your hinnie (highness) King,
there is a suitor without What shall I tell him? K to G: What’s he without?
G to K: Without the gate. K to G: Well, give him the gate. (K becomes P) G
to P: The King is in a very bad mood He says to give you the gate So I must
do as he says Here is the gate. P: OK, OK, etc. (G becomes K) P to K: ( In
the tune of “Mary Had a Little Lamb”) I have to come to see you, King, see
you, King, see you, King Will your daughter wear my ring; what’s your
answer? K to P: I won’t let you marry her, marry her, marry her I won’t let
you marry her; that’s my answer. P: Yes you will, yes you will, yes you
will, yes you will. K: No I won’t, no I won’t I won’t let you marry her, I
won’t let you marry her No I won’t, no I won’t. Together: Hallelujah,
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah P: OK, OK, etc. (K becomes
Q) P to Q: (In the tune of “Row, Row Your Boat”) Queen, Queen, Queen so
fair, fairest in the land I have come to see you dear, for your daughter’s
hand. Q to P: Prince, Prince, Prince so bold, to you I must now speak All I
have to say to you is “Hang it on your beak.” P: OK, OK, etc. (Q becomes
PR) P to PR: (In the tune of “Jingle Bells”) Princess dear, Princess dear,
I have come today To take you off and marry you; what have you to say? PR:
(In the tune of “Three Blind Mice”) No, no, no; no, no No, no, no; no, no No,
no, no; no, no No, no, no; no, no PR to P: (In the tune of “Mary Had a
Little Lamb”) I will not marry you, marry you, marry you I will not marry
you, pooh, pooh, poohty do. P: OK, OK, etc.
Leaving Home Skit 2/8/2002
Need two characters. A man
sits in a chair reading a newspaper. A woman enters wearing a coat and
carrying a suitcase. She is apparently very upset. The man in the chair
couldn’t care less. Woman: “I’ve had it! I’m through! I’m leaving this
crummy, rotten house and all these crummy kids and going home to mother!
I’m sick and tired of ironing, mopping and cleaning up after you day in and
day out! I tell you, I’ve had it! No more! I’m leaving, and don’t ask me to
come back because I’m leaving for good!” (sobbing) “Goodbye!” (She stomps
out of the room.) Man: (somewhat bewildered, turns to an offstage room and
yells) “Alice, dear! The maid just quit!”
Light and Fluffy Skit 2/8/2002
You will need two people,
whipped cream, water and costumes. They go back and forth asking each other
if they like light and fluffy, in their ear, on their nose, on their head,
in their shorts, etc. until there is whipped cream everywhere. In between
they sing the Light and Fluffy Song: “Light and fluffy, we like light and
fluffy, light and fluffy, we like light and fluffy” while dancing around.
They finish by cleaning up … dumping water all over each other.
Little Mobile Nemo Skit 2/8/2002
This skit works great with
Christmas elves or little UPS people (people who carry lots of packages).
Here is how it works: use a single uniform for one person. The person puts
a long-sleeve shirt over his head, but puts his arms down through the shirt
(not in the sleeves). The sleeves must be stuffed to look full, safety pin
gloves to the arms as well. Then, put shorts with high socks or pants and
shoes on his arms so that they will look like the legs (much like Little
Nemo). Pin the shorts or pants to the shirt, throw on an elf hat and you
begin to see the “littler Nemo.” Then the person kneels down in the middle
of a dark-colored king size sheet or blanket with his entire body on the
blanket, but his “arms—now legs—for the creature” are outside the sheet.
Throw a pillow or two on hisr legs (his real legs) and then wrap his real
legs, body and pillows up into a bundle and pull the tie portion of the
bundle over his shoulder and pin it to his fake hands (also pull the sheet
up under his fake legs and pin it on his shirt in back for better support
as well). Now with his hands, and then dragging his body in what looks to
be a big sack. Remind him to keep his shoulders back and head up for good
posture and appearance. Do whatever you want with him, just keep in mind
that he has no way to move his fake arms.
Little Nemo Skit 2/8/2002
This can be done in a
doorway. You can also have multiple “Little Nemos” hold a conversation with
each other. You need two sheets, a table, shorts, shoes, a big shirt and
two people — one with long arms. The front person is the face and legs, by
placing hands into shoes. The back person is the arms, by reaching around
the front person and through slits in back of shirt and then out the
sleeves. One sheet hides the legs under the table, and the other sheet
hides the back person. You may want a third sheet to place in front of them
and pull over their heads so they can get in and out unnoticed. Nemo can be
preparing for a date (brush teeth, comb hair, shave — remove blade from
razor). Also do exercises. Dancing with a strobe light helps. Practice!
Little Red Riding Hood Skit 2/8/2002
The following skit requires
only two characters. One is a guy dressed up like “Little Red Riding Hood”
(a red raincoat with a hood or a red scarf should be worn.) The other is
the wolf (dressed in black). Little Red has a basket covered with a towel.
Inside the basket is a blank (starters) gun. Little Red skips into the room
with her basket … Red: (to audience) I’m Little Red Riding Hood, and I’m
going to Gramma’s house with this basket of goodies! (skip around the stage
area) Wolf: (jumps in front of Red) Boo! Red: EEK! EEK! Boy, are you ugly!
Wolf: I’m the Big Bad Wolf, and I’m going to eat you all up! Red: But I’m
just poor Little Red Riding Hood, and I’m going to Gramma’s house with this
basket of goodies. You wouldn’t want to disappoint poor old Gramma now
would you? Wolf: You got a point there. I’ll let you go this time. Maybe
I’ll run into the three pigs somewhere along the way. Little Red skips off
around the room, and Wolf turns to the audience and says: Wolf: Ha Ha Ha!
What Little Red Riding Hood doesn’t know is that I’m going to beat her to
Gramma’s house. I’ll take a shortcut through the strawberry patch … sort
of a “strawberry shortcut …” The Wolf gets under a blanket on the floor,
and Little Red arrives. Red: Knock! Knock! Wolf: Who’s there? (in a high
voice) Red: Yah! Wolf: Yah-who! Ah, just come on in already. Red: Hi,
Gramma. Gee, what big ears you have, Gramma. Wolf: What? Oh, yeah … all
the better to hear you with, my dear, heh-heh! Red: And what big eyes you
have, Gramma. Wolf: All the better to see you with, my dear. Red: And what
a big nose you have, Gramma. Wolf: All the better to smell your goodies
with, my dearie. Red: And what big teeth you have, Gramma. Wolf: (jumps up
out of the blanket) Yeah! All the better to eat you with …! Little Red
pulls the gun out of the basket and shoots about six shots into the Wolf.
Wolf: (staggers, falls to his knees) Well, folks, the moral of this story
is … “Little girls just ain’t as dumb as they used to be.” (falls down)
Lone Ranger Skit 2/8/2002
You will need four hats,
four guns, two masks, lighters, costumes and the radio story. Find the
script for the radio story and make sure it is memorized.
Lost Script From Leave It
to Beaver Skit
3/19/2002
It’s good to be here again,
isn’t it? Just thinking about being here made us kind of nostalgic. And you
know something? We found a lost script in the library of an old time TV
show (music starts). However, the first page was missing, and we weren’t
able to figure out what show it was … Let’s see, the characters were …
Wally (etc.) So here we have – never before performed – the lost script to
Leave It to Beaver. Cast of Characters: Wally: Eddie Haskel: His Dog Rover:
Ward Cleaver: June Cleaver Zelda: Zelda’s Door: 1. 2. 3. Larry Mondelo:
(Larry doesn’t do anything. Just have someone at the side of the stage
eating a big lollipop the whole time.) And The Beaver: Note on cast: Door
consists of two big guys, one small female. Rover licks Zelda on the face
so plan the parts accordingly. In the Cleaver Kitchen: (Get door in place.
This door is used now as an entrance, then an exit for June and Ward;
finally as the front door of Zelda’s house.) Beaver and Wally come in.
Wally: Boy, Beav, you’re going to get it. Beav: Gee, Wally, it wasn’t my
fault. How’d I know that Zelda creep was gonna try to kiss me. Wally: Well
Gee, Beav. That’s the way girls are on Valentine’s Day. They get real dopey
sometimes. Wally and Beaver ponder how dopey girls can be. Ward and June
Cleaver come into the kitchen. Ward: Now, Beaver, I’ve heard some very
serious news. It seems that you hit Zelda. I’ve just talked to her father
about it. He’s quite upset. Beav: Well that old Zelda tried to kiss me …
Ward: Now, Beav, that’s how girls are. We’re not going to argue about it.
You’ve got to apologize, and you’ve got to kiss her. Beav: But dad …
Ward: No buts; that’s final. June: Now, Beav, girls aren’t so bad. Beav:
Yes, they are! June and Ward Cleaver leave. June: Now, Ward, do you think
we were too mean to him? Ward: No, dear, Beav has to learn that even though
girls are dopey, you’ve got to learn to live with them. Back in the
kitchen. Wally: Boy, Beav, what are you going to do? (At this moment Eddie
comes in with his dog Rover. Beav’s face brightens.) Beav: Eddie! Boy, am I
glad to see you. Eddie: What’s the matter, kid? You get into trouble again?
Wally: Aw knock it off. The kid is in sad shape. He needs help. Eddie:
Well, sport, let’s see what we can do. (Eddie, Beav and Wally put their
heads together. Rover barks in excitement.) In front of Zelda’s house the
next morning. (Beav is walking by, and Zelda greets him from the doorway.
Zelda still likes Beav – though no one knows why.) Zelda: Hi, Beav! Do ya
wanna walk me to school? Beav: OK, but only if you have a leash or
something. Zelda: Beav, you’d give a headache to an aspirin. If you want a
friend, you should have a dog. Beav: I told ya, I don’t want to spend time
with you. Zelda: Well, I don’t want to spend time with you! Anyway, is that
your face or did a badger crawl into your collar? Beav: Oh yeah? Well at
least I won’t be a crash test dummy when I grow up! Zelda: Well, Beav, I
know you have to kiss me and apologize. Beav: You’re right. Why don’t close
your eyes and butter up, buttercup. (Zelda smiles, closes her eyes, puckers
her lips and waits.) (Beav signals Rover over from Wally and Eddie. Rover
runs up and licks Zelda all the way across the face and runs away.) Beav:
Gee, Zelda, I’m sorry I socked you. Zelda: Oh Beav, that was wonderful!
Kiss me again! (Beav looks scared, runs away with Zelda in pursuit and says
…) Beav: Why are girls so dopey?!?
Lucky Script Skit (Coaches
and Administrators)
3/22//2002
This is an example script to
get coaches or administrators involved in a skit once in a while in club.
In this case it was a football coach and a track coach. Steve: Well, here
we are at the old McCord cafetorium in the heart of tropical Worthington.
Matt: Who’d ever thought … 30 years ago today … there’d even be a McCord
cafetorium. Jeff: Why, 30 years ago you’d be lucky to have a glass of
buttermilk, let alone a cafetorium to drink it in. Steve: A glass of
buttermilk? You were lucky … Jeff: Lucky? Steve and Matt: Yes, lucky.
Steve: Why, 30 years ago I was lucky enough to have a glass of dirty brown
buttermilk. Matt: A glass? YOU were lucky. Steve: Lucky? Jeff and Matt:
Yes, lucky. Matt: Why, we used to have to drink our buttermilk out of a
rolled-up newspaper. Jeff: A newspaper? YOU were LUCKY! Matt: Lucky? Jeff
and Steve: Yes, lucky! Jeff: Buddy, we had to suck our buttermilk off a wet
cloth! Steve: From a cloth? YOU WERE LUCKY! Jeff: Lucky? Steve and Matt:
YES, LUCKY! Steve: Why, we were lucky enough to suck pond scum off the edge
of the lake! (calming down) But we were happy in those days … even though
we was poor. Matt: Because we was poor! All: RIGHT! Jeff: My pappy always
said that money can’t buy happiness. Even though he died a poor beggar.
Steve: Right he was. Why, we were happier when we had nothing. We lived in
a house with great big holes in the roof. Matt: A house? You were lucky.
Steve: Lucky? Matt and Jeff: Yes, lucky! Matt: We all lived in one room.
All 26 of us. And that was tough since we didn’t have any furniture! Jeff:
A room? YOU were lucky! Matt: Lucky? Jeff and Steve: Yes, lucky! Jeff: Why,
we used to dream of a room. We lived in a hole in the ground with twigs as
a floor. But we still found a way to beat Grove City! Steve: You had a hole
in the ground? You WERE lucky! Jeff: LUCKY? Steve and Matt: YES, LUCKY!
Steve: We lived in a septic tank in the middle of a dump with rotten fish
as a floor! Matt: A septic tank? You were lucky! Steve: LUCKY? Matt and
Jeff: YES, LUCKY! Matt: We used to dream of so much room. My whole family
lived in a shoebox in the middle of the road. Jeff: A shoebox? Matt: Yes,
sir, buster brown size 5. Jeff: You STILL were lucky! Matt: Lucky? Jeff and
Steve: YES, LUCKY! Jeff: WE used to DREAM of living in a shoebox. My whole
family lived in a brown paper bag …all 45 of us. We used to get up at 6
a.m., clean the bag, work 10 hours a day, do our BFS Core Lifts and then
walk a mile to school! Steve: You walked a mile. One measly mile … YOU WERE
LUCKY! Jeff: LUCKY? Steve and Matt: YES, LUCKY! Steve: We used to live in a
wet paper bag, with only a crust of bread to eat. No breakfast, no lunch,
no supper. We worked 15 hours a day, walked 10 miles to school backward in
the rain! Matt: Rain? You had rain? YOU WERE LUCKY! Steve: LUCKY? Matt and
Jeff: YES, LUCKY! Matt: We lived in a lake, ate hot gravel for breakfast,
worked 19 hours a day and then we had to walk 10 miles to school, uphill
both ways, into a gale force wind! Jeff: A gale force wind? You were lucky!
Matt: LUCKY? Jeff and Steve: YES, LUCKY! Jeff: We’d get up an hour after
sunset, lick the road clean with our tongues, eat a handful of cold gravel
for breakfast, work 25 hours a day,and run 10 miles to school in a blizzard
just to pass the BFS running test! Steve: You got up after sunset! YOU WERE
LUCKY! Jeff: LUCKY? Steve and Matt: YES, LUCKY! Steve: A mere holiday. Why
we got up a half hour before we even went to sleep! No breakfast, no lunch
and, if we were lucky, we’d have to run a marathon on our hands in the
middle of a tornado just to get to school! Matt: You know what the trouble
is with kids today? You tell them what life was like, and they simply don’t
believe you! Jeff: Yeah, they got it too easy, and do you know why? All:
(to audience) You are all lucky! Audience: Lucky? All: Yes, lucky! (Lights
out.)
Lucky Script Skit (The
Liars)
2/11/2002
#1: Imagine us, sitting in
the fanciest pub in England, drinking our Chateau de Chauclea wine. #2:
Right you are, 30 years ago we would have been lucky to have had a cup of
tea. #3: Cold tea. #2: Yes, without sugar or milk. #1: Or tea. #2: In a
cracked and filthy cup. #3: We used to be so poor that we would drink tea
out of a rolled-up newspaper. #2: You were lucky to have a newspaper; we
used to have to suck our tea out of a damp cloth. #1: We were poor, but we
were happy. #3: We were happy because we were poor. #1: Right you are. My
daddy said that dollars would never buy happiness. #2: That’s because he
never had any money, the bloody beggar. #3: When I was young, we used to
live in a house with big holes in the roof. #2: You had a house? You were
lucky! We used to live in a bottle cap, 23 of us in the middle of the
ocean. #3: Well, I say it was a house, actually it was a room – all 36 of
us, and we had only half a floor. We had a big hole in the middle of the
floor, and we used to huddle next to the wall for fear we would fall in.
#1: You were lucky! We used to live in a hallway. #2: Well, you were lucky!
We used to live in an abandoned septic tank in the middle of the garbage
dump. #1: You lived in a septic tank? You were lucky! We lived in a paper
sack in the bottom of a toxic waste dump. Every morning we would awaken to
nuclear waste being dumped on us until we glowed. #3: Actually, the house I
was telling you about was no more than a hole in the ground, covered with
twigs. #2: Well, you were lucky! We were evicted from our hole. We had to
live in the bottom of the lake. #1: You were lucky to live in the bottom of
a lake. There were 150 of us living in a shoebox in the middle of a road.
We dreamed of living in a lake. #3: You were lucky to live in a shoebox. We
lived in a brown paper bag. All 300 of us! Got up at 6 a.m., ate a crust of
stale bread and worked in the mills for 12 hours. When we got home, Dad
would beat us and put us to bed with no dinner. #1: Well you were lucky! We
used to get up at 3 a.m., strain the lake clean with our teeth, eat a cup
of hot gravel, work 15 hours at the mill and when we got home our dad would
beat us about the head and shoulders with a broken beer bottle and use us
for kitty litter. #2: We dreamed of that! We used to live in a rusty tin
can in the middle of the road. One hour after sunset we would clean the
road with our tongues, eat a handful of cold gravel and work 20 hours at
the mill with no pay! When we got home, our dad would cut us up with a dull
gensu knife and use us for cheese fondue. #1: Well, you were lucky! That
was luxury. We used to get up in the morning at 10 at night – which was
half an hour before we went to bed – eat a hunk of dry poison, work 29
hours a day at the mill and when we got home our parents would kill us and
dance around our grave singing “Glory, Glory, Hallelujah.” #3: But you tell
that to the kids today and they simply don’t believe you.
Lucky Script Skit (Water) 2/11/2002
Use same guy starting each
round and same guy going second and third. This will set up the conclusion.
At the end, the first guy gets fed up with the other two for topping him
and jumps up and starts mouthing. The second guy is mad at the third, and
he starts mouthing. The third guy sits alone, proudly stating that they
were lucky. The other two, in the meantime, get their Chateau De Sauce and
pour the water pitcher on the third. (NOTE: During the skit, one person
will need to take a break and go behind us to get the pitcher of Chateau to
establish the fact that it is there).
M & M’s on the Park
Bench Skit
3/19/2002
Have an attractive girl
sitting in a chair with an empty chair next to her. A studly guy enters to
pounding music. Sits down. He puts the moves on her, but no dice. He
leaves. A nerd enters to Twinky music eating LOTS OF M&M’s. He puts
dorky moves on. Girl responds. He gives her a long kiss. When they sit up,
both look at audience. She smiles and chocolate syrup that she’s had in her
mouth all along oozes out, down her face.
Magic Bandana Skit 2/11/2002
Two guys come out; one is
the magician, one is his not-so-smart assistant. The magician introduces
his act and sends his assistant to a table behind him and (facing the
audience) says, “Herkimer, (his assistant), do exactly as I say …”
(Magician can’t see him.) “Pick up the bandana …” Herkimer picks up a
bandana and also a banana that is lying on the table, looks at them,
scratches his head and puts the bandana down, keeps the banana. “Now,
Herkimer, hold the bandana in your right hand …” Herkimer does. “Fold the
bandana in half …” Herkimer folds the banana in half. “Fold the four
corners of the bandana together …” Herkimer peels the banana and drops
the peel to the floor. “Now stuff the bandana into your left fist, and
don’t let any of it show … ” Herkimer then crams the banana into his left
fist, causing the banana to ooze out between his fingers. “Now, Herkimer,
on the count of three, the bandana will disappear. One! Two! Three! Now
show us your fist …” Herkimer opens his fist and throws mashed banana at
the magician, and the magician chases him off the stage.
Magnolia Skit 3/22/2002
First thing I noticed about
you was your hair, long, braided, beautiful … and that was just in your
armpits. I was always captivated by your eyes, the blue one, the brown one
… the green one. I remember I used to tell you silly jokes … you’d roll
your eyes at me … I’d pick ‘em all up and roll ‘em back to you. Then there
was that smile, who could forget it, never had I seen such a variety of
color. I used to call ‘em summer teeth, summer here, summer there … I still
have the bandana you used to floss with. I remember we loved to dance, we
could really cut the rug … I was bow-legged, you were pigeon-toed. When
we danced, people said we looked like an eggbeater … but I didn’t care. It
was love I tell you … true love. Then came the night of the Sadie Hawkins
dance. I picked you up in my el Camino, washed and waxed the bed of the
truck just so you wouldn’t have to squeeze in the front seat. We was happy
as a pig in slop holding hands through the sliding window. Then it
happened. I was heading up on Dead Man’s Curve. I’m sorry, Magnolia! 5, 10,
15 miles an hour … it was craziness. The truck just couldn’t hold the
curve, and we slipped right on the edge of the cliff. As I fell out of the
car, one hand grabbed the steering wheel and the other grabbed your hand,
Magnolia. As we dangled there, my body sweat like butter on a bald monkey.
What would I do? If I let go of you, I’d lose the one that I love forever,
but if I let go of the steering wheel, we would both plunge to a gruesome
death, but at least we’d be together forever. What would I do, Magnolia …
Would I let go of you, or the wheel, you or the wheel …? (It had to be you
…)
Mashed Potatoes Skit 2/11/2002
A man comes into a
restaurant (table and chair) and sits down. Waitress comes in and asks for
order. Man: I’ll have a big pot of mashed potatoes. Waitress: Is that all?
Man: Yup. Waitress: No beverage? Man: Nope. Just a big pot of mashed
potatoes. Waitress: No salad or soup or dessert or anything? Man: Listen!
All I want is a big pot of mashed potatoes. Waitress: Well, OK. I’ll tell
the cook Waitress goes back into a wing offstage and in a voice, which
everyone can hear, tells the cook that there’s a weirdo out there who wants
a big pot of mashed potatoes. Cook: Is that all? Waitress: Yup. That’s all
he wants. Cook: No salad? Waitress: Nope. Cook: No beverage or anything?
Waitress: Nope, just a big pot of mashed potatoes. Argument goes on for a
while. Finally, the cook concedes and gives the waitress a huge pot of
mashed potatoes (get the biggest pot you can find). Waitress brings the pot
of potatoes out to the customer. He looks around suspiciously, lowers pot
to the floor and sticks his head as far into the potatoes as he can – up to
his neck. Then he proceeds to jam them into his mouth, ears, pockets, down
his shirt, etc. Finally, the waitress – standing there this entire time –
asks the man what the heck he’s doing with all those mashed potatoes. Man
slowly looks up at the waitress with question mark on his face … Man:
Mashed potatoes? I thought this was spinach! Man stands up, turns and walks
out. At this point everyone is confused, including the waitress. Suddenly
she turns … Waitress: Spinach – oh, I get it. Waitress dives into the pot
of mashed potatoes headfirst, mashing them all over the place, in her hair,
mouth, etc. Then she gets up and leaves. Finally, the cook, who has been
watching the whole thing from a distance, yells … Cook: Spinach spelled
backward, I get it. Is that ever funny. Goes through same procedures as man
and waitress. Now everyone is thoroughly confused. At this point, someone
comes through with a sign saying, “What is spinach spelled backward?” A
plant in the audience then jumps up, yelling that he gets it too and dives
into the pot, mashing it all over himself. You can end the skit here by
having the announcer come out and suggest to the crowd that if they think
about it for a while, they’ll get it too. If this is to be the last skit of
the night, the announcer might even come out and apologize for trying to
put over such a crummy skit on the crowd. Then he pauses and, reflecting,
says, “Spinach spelled backward … Oh, I get it,” and he dives into the
pot too.
Mischevious Statue Skit 2/11/2002
One person poses as a statue
with a park bench or seat in front of him. Two people come along to eat
lunch – the statue takes some of their lunch whenever it is left on the
seat. The eaters look more and more suspiciously at each other until they
finally leave in disgust. A couple then approaches and sits down at one end
of the seat. They are in the early stages of courtship and sit rather shyly
next to each other, with no physical contact. After a while, the statue
puts an arm around the girl, who reacts sharply, slapping the face of the
boy and leaving in disgust. Then comes one of the gardeners with a bucket,
mop and feather duster. He first of all cleans the seat and then looks up
at the statue. He dusts the statue with the feather duster, while the
person posing tries not to move, sneeze or laugh. He is about to put the
mop into the bucket when there is a voice calling him offstage. He looks at
his watch, yells out “I’m coming,” picks up the bucket as if cleaning up
and throws the contents over the statue.
Mona Lisa Skit 2/11/2002
Here’s a skit idea that is
guaranteed to bring a faint, yet enchanting smile to everyone at the very
least. Have someone memorize the words to the old Nat King Cole favorite
“Mona Lisa.” Then dress someone up as the Mona Lisa herself in a long,
black wig, black robe and black shawl. Build a picture frame out of some
old boards and have the “Mona” sit behind it. Drape the bottom of the
picture frame to the floor so that the audience cannot see the Mona Lisa’s
feet. He is going to sing a very serious song for them. As the song begins,
the curtain opens to reveal the Mona Lisa. The singer turns to see the Mona
Lisa and begins to sing to the picture. During the song, however, the Mona
Lisa comes out of character; she picks her nose, sneezes, cleans out her
ear, shoots water pistols at the singer, blows a kiss to the singer, eats a
banana and does any other things that you might think of. All of this
should be done every time the singer turns away from the Mona Lisa to face
the audience. The skit ends with the singer getting a whipped cream pie in
the face, at which point the singer jumps through the picture frame and
chases the Mona Lisa.
Monk Monotony Skit 2/11/2002
The following skit is an
easy one to pull off as you need only three characters (the Main Monk, Monk
Monotony and a sign carrier) and one prop (a large sign which reads “10
years later.”) The audience is asked to imagine a monastery where Monk
Monotony has just taken a vow of silence. Main Monk: So, Monk Monotony, you
have just taken a vow of silence? (Monk Monotony shakes his head “yes.”) Do
you know what this vow of silence means? (Monk Monotony shakes his head
yes.) That’s right, you cannot say anything but two words for the next 10
years. You may go now. (Monk Monotony exits. After 20 seconds in which the
Main Monk does nothing, the sign carrier enters slowly from right and exits
slowly to the left, carrying the sign which reads “10 years later.” Monk
Monotony enters.) Main Monk: Yes, Monk Monotony, your first 10 years are
up, and you may say your two words. Monk Monotony: Hard bed. Main Monk: You
many go now. (Monk Monotony exits. After about 20 seconds in which the Main
Monk does nothing, the sign carrier enters slowly from the right and exits
slowly to the left, carrying the sign which reads “10 Years Later.” Monk
Monotony enters) Main Monk: Yes, Monk Monotony, your second 10 years are
up, and you may now say your two words. Monk Monotony: Bad food. Main Monk:
You may go now. (Monk Monotony exits. After about 20 seconds in which the
Main Monk does nothing, the sign carrier enters slowly from the right and
exits slowly to the left, carrying the sign which reads “10 years later.”
Monk Monotony enters.) Main Monk: Yes, Monk Monotony, your third 10 years
are up, and you may now say your two words. Monk Monotony: I quit. (He
begins to exit immediately.) Main Monk: Well, I am not surprised. You’ve
been complaining ever since you got here.
Mother Skit 2/8/2002
You will need two people,
the memorized script, diapers, bibs and bonnets. “M” is for the many things
she gave me “O” means only that she’s growing old “T” is for the tender
love she gave me “H” is for her heart of purest gold “E” is for her eyes
like starlight shining “R” means “right” and right she’ll always be Put
them all together, and it spells m-o-t-h-e-r, and she’s the only one for
me!
Motorcycle Gang Skit 2/8/2002
Turn off the lights. Have
four or five people come in and lay on their backs on the floor (heads
toward crowd). Have them lay with their knees bent (feet on the floor) and
their arms up in the air holding a round stick or dowel covered with
tinfoil for the handlebars. They are the bikes. “Bad to the Bone” plays as
a motorcycle gang walks in. They sit on the “bikes’” knees and use kazoos
to simulate motorcycle sounds. They all lean left, right, wheelie in sync.
When they finish, they all say together, “Mom, can we have another
quarter?”
Mr. No Depth Perception
Skit
3/19/2002
A few family scenes where
the husband has no depth perception. The funny part is that the guy doesn’t
realize it. He pours his coffee and misses the cup; he looks out the window
and his head goes through the window. Go crazy! Make up your own.
Naked Bacon Skit 3/19/2002
Roadie: I didn’t hear you
say, “He’s chasin’ me.” Rowdy: What? Roadie: I didn’t hear you say, “He’s
chasin’ me.” Rowdy: What are you talking about? Roadie: I just—just a
second—I just didn’t hear him say, “He’s chasin’ me.” If I had heard him
say, “He’s chasin’ me”, I’d have chased him. Rowdy: Are you telling me that
I didn’t say, “He’s chasin’ me”? Roadie: I didn’t say that you didn’t say,
“He’s chasin’ me.” I didn’t hear you say, “He’s chasin’ me.” Rowdy: Oh, you
didn’t hear me say, “He’s chasin’ me.” Roadie: If I had heard you say,
“He’s chasin’ me,” I would have chased him. If I could live my life all
over again, I would. Rowdy: Don’t make a big deal out of this. It is not
necessary. I just wanted to know if you heard me say, “He’s chasin’ me,”
and you said, “No.” You answered my question. Now … did you hear me say
anything? Roadie: I didn’t hear you say, “He’s chasin’ me.” Rowdy: I didn’t
ask, “Did you hear me say ‘He’s chasin’ me’?” I asked, “Did you hear me say
anything?” Roadie: Yeah, but you’re trying to get me to say that I heard
you say, “He’s chasin’ me.” I didn’t hear you say … Rowdy: No, I am not.
I am asking Roadie a simple, straightforward question. I’m asking Roadie,
it’s a yes-or-no question: Did you hear me say anything? Yes or No? Roadie:
I didn’t hear you say, “He’s chasin’ me.” Rowdy: Did you hear me say
anything? Yes or No? Roadie: Yes. Rowdy: Yes, what? Roadie: Yes, sir.
Rowdy: That is not the answer I am looking for. Roadie: No, sir. Rowdy: No
is not right either. Roadie: If yes and no are wrong, then I don’t have a
choice. I am wrong either way. Rowdy: This is a two-part question … not a
yes or no question. First part, did you hear me say anything? And you said,
“Yes.” Roadie: Yes. Rowdy: You said yes and no. Which is it? Yes or no?
Roadie: I heard you say something. Rowdy: Oh, you did? Roadie: Yes. Rowdy:
What do you think you thought you heard? Roadie: I didn’t think I thought I
heard you say, “He’s chasin’ me.” Rowdy: Well, what do you think you
thought I said? Roadie: I didn’t think I thought what I heard is what you
said. Rowdy: I don’t want you to think about what you think I thought. I
just want you to tell me what you think you thought you heard. Roadie: I
didn’t think I thought I heard what you think you thought you said. Rowdy:
I know what I said. I said, “He’s chasin’ me.” Roadie: I think that—yes, I
heard, yes sir, something, no sir … Rowdy: Don’t go on and on. I just
want to know what you think you thought you heard. If it didn’t sound like,
“He’s chasin’ me,” what did it sound like to you? Roadie: It didn’t sound
like you said, “He chasin’ me.” Rowdy: han what did it sound like? Roadie:
It sounded like I thought I heard you say, “Naked” or “Bacon” or “Naked
Bacon.” Rowdy: Of course, that makes all the sense in the world. I’m going
to run through here, stop, turn to Roadie, and say, “Naked Bacon.” Roadie:
It didn’t make any sense to me either. So I just ignored him. Rowdy: I know
Roadie believes he understands what he thinks he thought I said, but I’m
not sure he realizes that what he thought he heard is not what I meant. Do
you understand, I did not say, “Naked bacon”? Roadie: Then I apologize. I’m
sure—with enthusiasm—you did say, “He’s chasin’ me.” So it is my fault, I
just didn’t hear you. Rowdy: What were you doing? Roadie: I was nervous. I
was taking a mental nap. Rowdy: A mental nap? Roadie: With a capital “R.” I
just didn’t hear you. I was emotionally vague. Rowdy: You were emotionally
vague. Now what does that mean? Roadie: It’s a point of view. Rowdy:
Uh-huh. Roadie: With no target. Rowdy: This is obviously going nowhere.
Roadie: Thank you very much. Rowdy: It wasn’t a compliment.

 

Olympic Nose Blowing Skit 2/8/2002
This idea is to mock Olympic
announcing. You must have funny hosts. Have a Bryant Gumball host and a
Mary Lou Retton commentator to go along with him. They talk about Olympic
nose blowing and comment on your first contestant (in a gymnastics uniform,
loosening up, chalking the hands). You can talk about how she blew out a
nostril on her last blow and really shouldn’t be competing, but the team
may need this to win the gold. Great comments like, “Would you look at the
nostrils on her, Mary. I bet kissing her is like double dating a two-car
garage.” “It’s snot really possible to get a perfect 10 here.” You may want
to bring in judges. She picks up hankie, hobbles on one leg, gets a score,
wins, whatever. Announcers can toss to end skit, “… and to Bruce Jenner
and company for a look at the indoor javelin catching competition.”

 

Our First Kiss Skit 3/19/2002
The couple is seated next to
each other either on a couch or in two chairs as if they were in a car at
the drive-in. You may either have off-stage voices speaking the couple’s
thoughts aloud, or have each person say what they are thinking to the
audience making it obvious the other person in the couple cannot hear it
(and isn’t supposed to). Guy: I really hope she had a good time tonight. I
know I did! Girl: I wonder if he enjoyed being out with me tonight. I had
such a great time! Guy: I’ve never felt this way before about a girl. I
hope she likes me as much as I like her. Girl: I’ve never felt this way about
a guy. I hope he likes me as much as I like him. (pause) Maybe he’ll hold
my hand. Guy: I think I’ll hold her hand. (pause) Her hand is so soft…as
soft as a rose petal. Girl: I hope he puts his arm around me. He’s so nice.
Guy: I think I’ll put my arm around her. She’s so nice … as nice as a
princess. Girl: I really like him … If only he knew how much. Maybe …
maybe … He’ll kiss me. Guy: I really like her … If only she knew how
much. Maybe … maybe … I’ll kiss her. (pause) If only she would stop
eating those M&M’S! (She still keeps on eating in a nervous way.) Guy:
Oh, well … Here goes … (cue Romeo & Juliet theme) Girl: What a
sweet kiss! Guy: (says this out loud so the audience may hear) What a sweet
kiss! (Hershey’s syrup runs out of his mouth as if he “acquired” it during
the kiss).

 

Park Bench Fishing Skit 3/19/2002
An old lady is sitting on a
park bench pretending that she is fishing. There is a man at the other end
reading a magazine and minding his own business. A park officer comes by
and tells her she has to stop a couple of times. Finally he tells the old
man to get her out of there. The old guy looks perfectly sane, but then he
pretends the park bench is a motorboat, and acts like he is starting it and
riding away.

 

Pass It Down Skit 2/8/2002
You will need four guys and
three girls, popcorn, candy bar, pop and one nerd costume. Have five chairs
up front representing a movie theater with two of the guys and one girl
sitting watching a movie. The next two characters enter dressed in very
nerdy costumes and acting as if they are out on a date. The guy is carrying
popcorn, a candy bar and the pop. They notice that there are only two seats
left, so one person sits on one end and the other on the other end. The guy
opens the candy bar, takes a bite and then asks the next person to pass it
down to his date. The people in the middle continue to pass the candy bar
down, but each takes a bite so that it is gone by the time it gets down to
the date. The same thing happens with the popcorn and the pop. Then, the
first guy tries to put his arm around the person sitting next to him, and
then asks him to “pass it down” which he does. The guy next to the nerdy
girl does it. She kind of likes it, and he leaves his arm there. The first
guy starts to get upset, but then passes down a kiss, which makes its way
all the way down the line. The last two “kiss passionately” (hand over
mouth type). The first guy goes crazy, but the last two walk out together.

 

Peanut Butter Deodorant
Skit
3/19/2002
Three characters: Girl
Brother Nervous boy who has amazingly large pit stains on his shirt Props:
Peanut butter Bread Jacket for the nervous guy, which hides his pit stains
at first Nervous boy comes over (wearing a jacket over his pit-stained
shirt) to girl’s house to pick her up for a date. Brother of girl answers
door, small talks and asks nervous guy to take off his jacket. Nervous guy
refuses, but eventually does, revealing amazingly huge pit stains on shirt.
Brother asks him about it, and he says he just gets too nervous sometimes,
and he wishes there was something he could do about it. The girl’s brother
says he used to have the same problem, before he found the best deodorant
ever: peanut butter. The brother demonstrates, by showing his peanut
butter-covered pits (which he needs to have under his arms all this time,
and he doesn’t have to take his shirt off—he can have it on his shirt). The
nervous guy is impressed, and liberally, and I mean liberally, applies it
to his pits (the outside of his shirt). Just then, the girl enters, says
something like, “Hey Steve, are you ready to go?” And then the nervous guy,
who is now confident, says, “Why bother going out for dinner? Dinner’s on
me!” Then the girl gets a couple of pieces of bread which are sitting
somewhere close, wipes them on his pits and eats them like a sandwich.
(Yes, this is pretty gross. As you can guess, this skit depends upon
finding a female leader who is willing to do this. Good luck.)

 

Peanut Whistlers Skit 2/8/2002
Take a large piece of
cardboard and make tall top hats (to cover head, arms and chest). Guys take
off their shirts and draw faces on their stomachs (belly buttons as
mouths). Guys put their shirts on their waists and shorts below that on
their legs, making it seem that the face on their stomach is actually a
head resting above the neckline of their shirt. Play music with whistling
(Globe Trotters, middle of “Walk Like an Egyptian”) and let the
bare-bellied guys dance through the room.

 

Pencil Salesman Skit 2/11/2002
Sales Manager and Dumb
Salesman enter. Manager: Now I want you to pay close attention to me so you
can become a great salesman. Salesman: Duhh, OK. Manager: First, you hold
your pencils in you hand and say, “Pencils for sale.” Practice saying that.
Salesman: Pencils for sale, pencils for sale, etc. Manager: OK, that’s
enough. Next, the first question people will ask you is, “How much are
they?” and you will say “Ten cents. Three for a quarter.” Salesman: “Ten
cents. Three for a quarter.” Manager: Right. They will ask you, “What color
are they?” and you will tell them, “Yellow.” Salesman: “Yellow, yellow.”
Manager: Good. Then the person will buy one or else he will say, “No, I
don’t want to buy one,” and you will say, “If you don’t, somebody else
will.” Salesman: “If you don’t, somebody else will.” Manager: Very good.
Now, let’s practice it once and then you are on your own. (They go through
the questions and answers). Now the salesman is alone at the entrance
calling out “Pencils for sale.” The first customer enters in a hurry, the
salesman doesn’t notice him, turns around, hits the customer and knocks him
to the ground. He gets up, begins to dust off angrily. Customer: (outraged)
Do you know how much this suit cost me? Salesman: Ten cents, three for a
quarter. Customer: (furious now) What’s the matter with you? What do you
think I am? Salesman: Yellow. Customer: Say, would you like me to punch you
in the nose? Salesman: If you don’t, somebody else will. Customer begins to
beat the salesman up, and both run off stage.

 

Pickpocket Skit 2/8/2002
Freddy Fingers and Hands
Harry meet and embrace each other. They tell where they’ve been the last
few years (like what prisons they were in, etc.), and as they say goodbye,
one says to the other, “Oh you may want this.” He gives him back his watch.
They xchange articles that they have picked up from each other until one of
them hands back the other’s pair of boxers!

 

Pizza Man Skit 3/19/2002
This skit is a great way to
have some fun introducing a new leader (or just get a Young Life leader
from a neighboring club who no one knows). As the prize for one of your
games, announce that the winner will get a free small pizza from [fill in
popular pizza delivery in your area]. Have the new leader show up as the
pizza guy. He can wear the hat and everything! After he brings in the
pizza, he sits down by one of the kids. Nobody can get him to leave. Have
him sing very badly, pick his nose and even ask some of the kids about one
of the female leaders he thinks is cute. Acting frustrated, ask him if he
has pizza to deliver. You can take it as far as you want to — we made it
last three weeks. He can also come in and be completely into everything
going on in club. Completely fooled the kids, and they loved it!

 

Rindercella and the
Prandsome Hince Skit (original ending)
2/8/2002
Once upon a time in a
coreign fountry there was a geautiful birl, whose name was Rindercella. And
Rindercella had a mugly other and two sigly usters. Also in this coreign
fountry there was a prandsome hince, and the prandsome hince was going to
have a bancy fall. Rindercella’s mugly other and her two sigly usters went
out and bought dancy fresses for the bancy fall, but poor Rindercella
couldn’t go because she had nothing but rirty dags. So on the night of the
bancy fall, Rindercella’s mugly other and her two sigly usters put on their
dancy fresses and went to the bancy fall. And since poor Rindercella
couldn’t go, she cat down and sried. Suddenly, her gairy fodmother appeared
before her and touched her with her wagic mond and turned her into a
peautiful brincess. Her gairy fodmother gave her a kig boach and hix sorces
so Rindercella could go to the bancy fall. So off went Rindercella. When
she got to the bancy fall, the prandsome hince met her at the door. He had
watched her come up in her kig boach and hix sorses from a widden hindow.
Rindercella and the prandsome hince danced all night long, and the
prandsome hince lell in fove with Rindercella. When the prandsome hince was
just about to quop the prestion, Rindercella heard the moke of stridnight,
so she turned, straced down the rairs and when she got to the stottom blep
she slopped her dripper. The next day the prandsome hince went all over his
coreign fountry looking for the geautiful birl who had slopped her dripper.
When he got to Rindercella’s house, he tried it on her mugly other, but it
fidn’t dit! He tried it on her two sigly usters, but it fidn’t dit. And he
tried it on Rindercella, and it fid dit! So they were mappily harried and
lived appily ever hafter. Ehe Thend!

 

Radio Jumble Skit 2/11/2002
This is an easy-to-perform
skit involving seven people. All seven people (A, B, C, D, E, F and G)
simply stand in front of the audience and read the script below when their
turn comes. To introduce the skit, announce that this is what happened one
day when you were trying to find a radio station to listen to. Each of the
readers can wear a sign with the name of a radio station on it, or dress up
in costume. Each “Click” below indicates a station change. (The “clicks”
can be inserted at the appropriate times by an offstage sound effects
person). A: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, this is Seymour Skidmarks
bringing you the latest news in the world of sports. The annual football
game between _________ and __________ was played last week to the enjoyment
of a large crowd who went wild at the crucial point during the game when
Coach ________ sent in … (click) B: … three eggs, a cup of buttermilk
and a pinch of salt. Stir well and pour into a flat greased pan or …
(click) C: … your new fall hat. This year, fashion decrees that women
shall wear a large variety of charm bracelets. A most popular design is to
make them of … (click) D: … old whiskers? If you do, just shave them off
with Bates’ Better Shaving Cream. Use this cream, and you will be so
handsome that all the girls will … (click) E: … bend over and touch the
floor 20 times. This exercise is superb for general reducing. All right
now, pupils, again let’s bend over, up, over … (click) F: … (Singing) the
ocean. My Bonnie lies over the sea. My Bonnie lies over the ocean, oh bring
back my Bonnie to … (click) A: … ________ who sailed down the field for a
touchdown that tied the game. What a play! What a perfect … (click) C: … -ly
darling little summer bag that all you girls simply must have. At first
glimpse they may remind one of … (click) G: … a bowl of soup. But it was
tooooo hot. The second bowl was as hot as the first, but the third was just
right. Goldilocks ate and ate, until she could … D: … feel the stiff beard
with your hand. Does that appear to be very romantic? Our foolproof way to
get a girlfriend is to … (click) E: … breathe deeply four times and pound
on your chest with your fists after inhaling each breath. This enlivens the
tissues and makes one feel … (click) B: … puffy and full of air. Beating
the mixture with a rotary eggbeater for five can have this effect … (click)
C: … hundred years. The things our grandmothers wore then are the most
popular things today. Already fashion leaders, prominent society women are
trying to bring back more old-fashioned manners. Their cry is “Bring back
…” (click) F: … (Singing) my Bonnie to me, bring back, bring back, oh bring
back my Bonnie to me. Bring back, bring back … (click) D: … a nice soft
chin and a host of compliments. If you use our cream, those whiskers will
come out with a … (click) G: … CRASH!! Goldilocks had broken the little
chair all to pieces. Then she jumped up and started up the stairs. There
she saw three beds. The first bed was covered with a bearskin rug, which
was too soft. The second bed was covered with … (click) A: … what looked
like crawling things from the press box, but it was only the players in
hard scrimmage. We are looking with expectations to _______ winning their
________ championship this fall. The players are in good condition and
average weight is … (click) E: …110 pounds. You, too, can weigh this much
if you but follow these simple exercises. Don’t take them too hard at
first, or you will probably have to … (click) F: … (Singing) lay on a
pillow. Last night as I lay on my bed; last night as I lay on my pillow, I
dreamed that my Bonnie was … (click) B: … cooking in a hot oven about 450
degrees Fahrenheit. For an extra treat, garnish, add cloves or whole …
(click) G: … bears? Will Goldilocks get home safely? How will the story
end? Keep your radio tuned to this station until tomorrow at this time for
the next episode of this thrilling story. Until then kiddies, be sweet and
don’t forget to … (click) D: … shave off the whiskers with Bates’. Our
motto is … (click) E: … stand on your head and wave your feet in the air.
Gym clothes are best for this exercise, but … (click) C: … on ostrich
feather will do just as well. Take my tip, and you girls will be as
fashionable as … (click) A: … ________, to whom we are looking for great
things this year. This is your friendly announcer, Seymour Skidmarks
signing off and saying … (click) C: … Night all!

 

Reggie and the Colonel Skit 2/11/2002
Characters: Reggie—big,
dumb, Bermudas, high socks, safari hat, glasses down on nose, moustache and
carries gun in front of him Colonel—short, limp, no gun, just small
knapsack, has cane Scene: Walking in place through darkest Africa, speaking
with pronounced English accent. Colonel: (excited, jumping and pointing
with cane) Reggie, look … Did you see it, Reggie? Reggie: See what? No, no,
where, where? Colonel: Oh, Reggie, it was a beautiful condor, eight-foot
wingspan, beautiful colors. Reggie: No. I didn’t see it. Colonel: Wish
you’d pay closer attention. (They continue walking.) Colonel: Did you see
it, Reggie? Reggie: No, what? Colonel: A spotted zebra … wish you’d pay
closer attention. Colonel: (later) Did you see it, Reggie? Did you see it?
Reggie: No, I missed it … what was it? Colonel: An ooh-aah bird. Reggie: An
ooh-aah bird. What’s an ooh-aah bird? Colonel: An ooh-aah bird is a 2-pound
bird that lays a 3-pound egg, like this: Ooooooooooh
aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh (face lights up). (Continue walking.)
Reggie: Whispers to audience: “Next time I’ll say yes, pretend like I saw
it. I’ll fool him.” Colonel: Reggie, Reggie, did you see it? (excited) Reggie:
I saw it! I saw it! Colonel: Then why in heaven’s name did you step in it?!

 

Restaurant Skit 2/10/2002
This skit should be
rehearsed. Props: Something to look like restaurant tables and chairs Apron
Hot dog Spoon Camping kettle Two boys come into a third-class restaurant;
only one other customer is there. One of the guys tells the other customer
he should hang his coat and hat on the back of his chair instead of the
coatrack because the restaurant has a bad reputation for stealing things.
An Italian waiter with an accent comes in wearing a filthy apron. They
begin to order. He has no menu but says that they have soup and hot dog. 1st
Man: I’ll take the soup. 2nd Man: I’ll have the same. Waiter:
Wait just a minute. If he takes the soup, you have to take the hot dog. 2nd
Man: All right, put some mustard on it please. (Waiter exits.) 3rd
Man: (who is there alone) Did you say they steal your coats? 1st
Man: They’d steal the shirt off your back if they thought they could get
it. 3rd Man: Well I’m going to keep an eye on mine. (Watches his
coat on coat rack.) I wish they’d take my order. I’ve been sitting here
since before you came in. The waiter enters, singing bits of Italian opera,
carrying the soup in an ugly camping type kettle. He drops the spoon on the
floor, wipes it off on his apron and hands it to the first man. He exits
and returns with a bare hot dog in his hand and gives it to the second man.
2nd Man: Waiter, I asked for mustard on my hot dog. This one’s
plain. Waiter: That’s a-right-a (looks over apron). Here’s some. (He wipes
mustard from apron onto hot dog.) 1st Man: Waiter, there’s a fly
in my soup. Waiter: Quiet, or everybody will want one. (He takes the fly
and squeezes it in the soup, while telling the fly, “Now you spit every bit
of that out.”) 3rd Man: (disgusted, gets up to leave) “I’m
getting out of here.” (walks out in shorts—his pants have been stolen)

 

Rindercella and the
Prandsome Hince Skit (Young Life Moral Ending)
2/8/2002
Once upon a time in a pall
smillage lived a prettle litty girl named Rindercella. Rindercella lived in
a hall smouse with her mep-stother and her three sigly usters. Rindercella
wanted to go to the bancy fall at the castle of the prandsome hince, but
her three sigly usters made Rindercella flop the moors and hay at stome.
(said with sadness) After the three sigly usters had gone to the bancy
fall, a gairy fodmother appeared and told Rindercella she could go the the
bancy fall too. She waved her wagic mond and made Rindercella a dretty
press and some little slass grippers. Then she turned a cumpkin into a
poach and four hats into roarses. But she had to be home when the strock
cluck 12. When Rindercella arrived at the sastle in her dretty prittle
press, the prandsome hince lell in fove with her. Boy, were her three sigly
usters mad … wow! Then the prandsome hince and Rindercella pranced and
pranced (demonstrate stupidly) all evening, but when the strock cluck 12
she ran down the nteps into the sight. But the prandsome hince had noticed
that Rindercella had slopped her dripper! The prandsome hince knew if he
could find the gretty pirl whose tootsy would fit the dripper, he would
find his love. (suspenseful) Meanwhile, the gairy fodmother was so mad
Rindercella had slopped her dripper, she turned Rindercella into a rat and
put her in the cumpkin! The prandsome hince came to their hall smouse and
made the three sigly usters try on the dripper. Unfortunately, Matilda, the
third of the three sigly usters fit the dripper. There was nothing left for
the prandsome hince to do but to barry Matilda, and they lived hunhappily
ever ufter (sadly). The storal of the mory is … when you go to a bancy
fall, don’t slop your dripper!

 

Sex (Mud) Skit 2/11/2002
Characters: Two guys or club
leaders Props: Notebook Paper Pen Skit: The two guys sit in chairs in front
of the club; one is dressed like a psychologist, the other is a patient. As
the scene opens, the doctor holds up a circle (drawn on paper) where
everyone can see it and asks the patient what it reminds him of. He wildly
screams, “Sex, sex, sex” (“mud, mud, mud”) Next the doctor holds up a
triangle, and asks the patient what it reminds him of. The patient goes
wild again screaming “sex” (“mud”). The doctor then holds up a square and
again in the patient goes wild. The doctor says, “I know what your problem
is. You’ve got a dirty mind.” The patient says, “Me? You’re the one with
all the dirty pictures!”

 

Slot Machine Cowboy Skit 2/8/2002
If the leaders in your group
have a tough time memorizing lines, this skit might be perfect for them.
Four characters are needed: a mechanical quick-draw cowboy dressed in full
cowboy garb, two warehouse employees dressed appropriately and a third
employee. Only the mechanical quick-draw cowboy needs to remember any
lines. They should be spoken in a mechanical manner: “Howdy, buckaroo. So you
think you can beat me, eh? Put on the holster at my feet and on the count
of three, draw! Are you ready? One … two … three!” The only props you
will need are two gun-and-holster sets, one of which should be loaded with
blanks. The play begins with the two warehouse employees rolling in the
mechanical slot machine “cowboy” for storage. The extra gun-and-holster set
is placed at the feet of the mechanical “cowboy.” The third employee walks
in and, seeing the robot, decides to try his luck. He reads the
instructions printed on the chest of the mechanical man and then places a
quarter in the slot. The robot winds up and gives the memorized spiel. The
employee is unable to pick up the extra gun and holster set because it’s
trapped under the boot of the mechanical cowboy. He panics and turns to run
as the robot counts to three and shoots the employee. Not to be outdone,
the employee lifts the robot’s leg and puts on the gun set before inserting
another quarter. He even practices his quick-draw skills several times.
Feeling quite secure with himself, he inserts another quarter. The message
is repeated, but this time the gun sticks in the holster, and again he is
shot. For the final attempt, the employee pulls his gun, stands to the
side, holds his gun to the robot’s head and inserts another quarter. The
robot repeats the message, except that this time the mechanical cowboy
winds down in the middle of “two.” The employee bangs on the robot a couple
of times to get him moving again, but no response. Disgusted, he takes off
the gun, sets his down at the robot’s feet and turns to walk off. The robot
continues suddenly with the rest of the pre-recorded message, says “three”
and shoots the employee.

 

Spittoon Boy Skit 2/8/2002
Three hillbillies acting
like they are chewing begin to brag about their spitting prowess. One spits
for speed, one for distance and one for power. They decide to have a contest
and call out Spittoon Boy (guy enters wearing rain slicker, boots, hat and
goggles, carrying a coffee can). They each back him up more and spit for
distance. He flicks the can each time as if the spit landed in it. The last
guy even sends him outside, down the street (he comes back amazed). Now for
speed, he flicks the can, he flicks it faster, the third time he flicks
before the guy spits. Now for power, he flicks and falters a bit. He flicks
and falters more. The third time he flicks and spills it (water) all over
crowd.

 

Statue in the Park Skit 2/8/2002
The skit begins with one
person posing as a statue in the park (the Thinker or the Discus Thrower).
Another person introduces himself as Prof. Arthritic Kneecap, of the
University of Amputation and Mutilation. After a long study, he has
discovered a way to revitalize the calcium deposited in joints of the human
body, the painful and crippling effect of arthritis. In fact, his solution
will bring life to almost any old lump of calcium. “Even this old statue.”
He pours the bottle on the statue’s head. Slowly it comes to life. Statue:
“Boy, I’ve been standing like that for 1,500 years.” Professor: “What is
the first thing you want to do?” Statue: “Kill 5,000 pigeons with my bare
hands!”

 

Sumo Wrestler Skit 2/8/2002
For this skit you’ll need
two guys, preferably of a muscular or flabby physique, dressed in diapers
(use a white sheet for the uniforms). You will also need an announcer with
a good voice and something he or she can use as a microphone, such as a
vacuum hose. Have the two wrestlers come stomping into the room, circling
each other and snorting at each other with deep voices. The announcer
introduces the first man a Yamahaha, who then steps forward, bows with
folded hands and slowly laughs with a deep voice and a Japanese accent, “ha
ha ha ha ha.” He then throws rice over each shoulder. This procedure is
repeated when the announcer introduces Korimoto-ho, who then responds with
a “ho ho ho.” After their introduction, the wrestlers begin fighting. They
never touch each or speak, except the occasional “ha has” and “ho hos.” The
fight is conducted by each wrestler doing to himself what he really wants
to do to his opponent. The opponent responds – at the same time – by
reacting to the hold or punch as if it really happened to him. While this
is going on, the announcer calls the play-by-play, describing finger bends,
nostril lifts, toe stomps, navel jabs and armpit hair pulls. With some good
actors this event can be hilarious.

 

Talk Show Travesty Skit 2/8/2002
Here’s your chance to mock
the favorite daytime talk show trash of your choice. Do it up like any show
you wish. Today your guests are students who, their whole life, have only
used one word. One guest female can only say “OK” (flightily) to
everything, one large tough guy only says “Dude,” and a third burnout guy
only says “Whoa.” You begin with the girl. Questions are like: What has
life been like for you? How do you communicate with your parents? How do
you do in school? She answers these with some undertones to each OK. Your
host mentions that peer pressure sure must be tough in today’s school.
Would she jump off a bridge if her friends did? She hesitates with a
thoughtful face, then perks up dizzily and says OK. Next you work on the
burnout “Whoa” guy. Ask him questions about how he feels about things. For
example, what do you think about your life? How does your girlfriend feel
about this? What do you feel when kids pick on you? He answers each with
undertones to match his whoas. Finally you work on the “Dude.” He answers
each similar question with an attitude or excitement depending on the
question. The interviewer is concerned that these people can’t really
communicate, so he goes to the audience with questions. Kids planted in the
audience ask the dude guy what he’d do if someone stole his bike. He grabs
a chair and swings it around while yelling violently “dude!” The kid with
the questions shakes his head and says, “Right on, man! I hear you!” The
interviewer shrugs his shoulders and says he wants to watch each of the
guys ask the girl out on a date. Dude guy turns to her and says
romantically and with the nod of a head to the door, “Dude.” She looks
lovingly at him and sighs “OK.” Dude guy acts all cocky then. Whoa boy then
turns to her and caresses her cheek and says “whoa” intensely. She sighs
and reaches for his hand and says, “OK.” He smiles, and she moves closer to
him. Dude guy comes over to whoa boy and says toughly, “Dude!” Whoa boy
acts all scared and says “whoa, whoa” defensively. Soon they scuffle, and
dude guy picks up whoa boy and tosses him out. He leaves yelling, “Whoa.”
Dude guy turns to OK girl and offers his hand. She takes it and says “OK!”
They walk off happily together. Your host wraps up and tells them to tune
in tomorrow for more.

 

The Big Date Skit 2/8/2002
Bill and Karen have just met
each other after being introduced by common friends. This is the first date
for both. They have just arrived at a local restaurant for a meal. Bill:
(embarrassed) Hi, Karen Karen: (equally embarrassed) Hi, Bill. Bill: (still
embarrassed) Hi, Karen. Karen: (still embarrassed) Hi, Bill. Bill: Gosh,
this is so … (he leaves sentence floating) Karen: Yes, it is so … (she also
leaves the sentence floating) Bill: Karen, ah, have you had many dates
before? Karen: The only date I’ve ever had was on August 13. Bill: Oh
really, what was that? Karen: My birthday. (Karen then drops her comb on
the floor.) Bill: Oh here! I’ll get it. (As he stoops over, he falls down
on the floor.) I guess I fell for that one, but at least I had nice trip.
(As Bill stands up, he forgets to pick up the comb) Karen: Oh Bill, you’re
so funny! (She is suddenly serious.) But would you mind picking up my comb?
Bill: (embarrassed) Oh yeah, I guess I forgot. (As Bill squats down, sound
effects are heard of his pants ripping. As he reaches behind him to check
out what part ripped, he falls backward from his squatting position over to
his back. At that moment, a waiter comes to take the order, and not seeing
Bill, he trips over him and falls to the floor.) Karen: Oh my goodness!
Waiter: (regaining composure) What in the world were you doing on the
floor, sir? Aren’t our seats comfortable enough? Bill: Oh no. The seats are
just fine. I was just checking to see if the floor was on the level.
Waiter: (unbelievingly) I don’t know about the floor, but are you on the
level? (The waiter then notices the rip, and seeing the chance for a pun
replies) By the way, sir, something has happened to your pants. Bill: Yes,
I know. Isn’t that a rip-off? (Both men stand) Waiter: Well, would you like
me to do anything? Bill: Yeah, how about turning your head when I leave?
Waiter: (unbelievingly) Sure thing … Hey, I’ll be back in a minute to take
your order. (As the waiter leaves, Bill sits back down at the table.)
Karen: Bill, I really appreciate your efforts, but my comb is still on the
floor. Bill: I’m sorry, Karen, but that waiter crushed my ear when he fell
on me. What did you say? Karen: I said my comb is still on the floor. Bill:
(sheepishly) Your phone is in the store? Karen: No! MY COMB IS STILL ON THE
FLOOR! Bill: (sheepishly) Oh! I’m sorry. (He bends down and gets the comb.)
Well, we may as well order, there’s no use in waiting around. Karen: I
don’t mind waiting. Sometimes I even like to wait around. Bill: What?
Karen: I said it gives me a lift sometimes to wait. Bill: Yea, I like
weightlifting, too. Karen: Oh good grief. Not to change the subject, but
what did you do today? Bill: I got things all straightened out. Karen: What
do you mean? Bill: I mean I did all my ironing. Aren’t you impressed?
Karen: Not really, I did my laundry today. Bill: I thought I smelled
bleach! But I thought it was just your hair. Karen: (offended) Well, I
never … Bill: Well you ought to; I can’t stand the color of your hair.
Karen: Bill! You’ve hurt my feelings! Bill: (Bashfully) Oh, I’m sorry.
Speaking of laundry, so you know the money-changing machines they have in
there? Karen: Well, not personally, but go ahead. Bill: Well, I wanted to
prove how stupid those machines are, so I put a $5 bill in one, and it still
gave me change for a dollar. Just to make sure it was no fluke, I put a $10
bill in the next time, and it still gave me change for a dollar. I’ll bet
you never realized how stupid those machines are, have you? Karen: That
doesn’t make sense. Bill: What do you mean? Karen: I mean you lost $13, and
you are saying the machines are stupid. Bill: Well, I only did it for the
change. Karen: That’s what all the moneychangers are for, a change. Bill:
That makes sense. Waiter: I don’t mean to interrupt, but are you ready to
order? Bill: Huh? Waiter: Your order? Bill: What? Waiter: ORDER! ORDER!
Bill: What are you, a judge? Waiter: I don’t know about that, but whenever
I go to play tennis, I wind up in court. Bill: You ought to get out of that
racket. Waiter: (looks up and states pleadingly) Why me? Have you decided
what you would like to eat? Bill: Yes, I’ll take the New York Sirloin
steak, baked potatoes, corn, tossed salad with French dressing and a large
Coke. That’s all. Karen: What about me, Bill? Bill: (surprised) Aren’t you
going to buy your own? Karen: Of course not. It’s not proper. Bill: OK, OK.
Waiter, she’ll have a small Coke. Waiter: You’re not going too far
overboard are you? Bill: Don’t be silly. We’re nowhere near water, much
less on a ship. Karen: You may be right there, but you’re still all wet.
(Karen then throws her glass of water all over Bill, and they exit.)

 

The Candy Store Skit 3/19/2002
Four guys enter the “candy
store,” which is run by an old man (bent over, shaky voice, beard and
cane). The first person asks for a dime’s worth of jellybeans. The old man
notices that the jellybeans are on the top shelf and tries to talk him out
of it, but the person insists. So the old man gets a ladder and with much
pain climbs to the top, gets the jelly beans and comes down the ladder. He
puts the ladder away. The second person does the same thing and asks for a
dime’s worth of jellybeans. Again the old man goes through the same bit and
gets the jellybeans. After he does, the third person also asks for a dime’s
worth of jellybeans, and the very annoyed and tired old man climbs up his
ladder again getting the jellybeans. This time while he is up there, he
asks the last person, “I suppose you want a dime’s worth of jellybeans
too?” The last person says, “No.” The old man comes down and puts away the
ladder. “Now, what do you want?” he asks. The person answers, “I want a
nickel’s worth of jelly beans.” The old man chases him out of the store
with his cane, shouting.

 

The Game Skit 2/8/2002
Perhaps you didn’t know it,
but for the past 25 years, (your town) has been the scene of a momentous
occassion. In truth, this epic of the Old West has been going on for much
more than a mere quarter of a century. We must go back to the thrilling era
of yesteryear, when great herds of buffalo grazed the plains and bandits
held up stage coaches. Yes, for many years in the boom town, now ghost town
of Hudsonville, six men brought together by circumstances too unbelievable
to believe – got ready to begin on an adventure that would strike fear into
the hearts of men everywhere – and the adventure was called … THE GAME!
Every year these initial players played again in the same town this
terrible game only they knew so well. Now the descendants of those men
still keep alive the tradition sacred to their hearts by meeting once a
year and playing … THE GAME! You have probably figured out by now that
tonight – yes tonight – is the night that these men will meet, and tonight
here at (your place), honored for the past 25 years by the players as their
playing ground, will be played the most fantastic game. It is truly the
most amazing phenomenon of the age … THE GAME! Truly it is a game of crime,
of mystery, yes, even of death! First there was Gaylord Ravenal – the
notorious Mississippi Riverboat Gambler. For him, to win and lose a whole
stake in one evening of pleasure is strictly commonplace. He is sly,
underhanded and deadly with a pistol. Through the years many prizes have
crossed the table his way. Tonight he has traveled many miles at great
expense for the sole purpose of defending his reputation. (Comes in, fixes
gun, has cigarette in mouth, shuffles the cards and then misses). Second
there was Honest Tom Foolery – the sheriff from Cut-Up Creek. Old Tom is
one of the best sheriffs money can buy. Tom never runs from trouble. But,
of course, he never looks for it either. Tom is a friend of gunmen,
gamblers, train robbers, horse thieves and claim jumpers; he also has many
enemies as a result of … THE GAME! (Acts cocky, steps up to bar, watches
Gaylor … orders drink, gets it poured all over him.) Third there is Just
Plain Bill – this is a man as hard as the rocks he digs. We would like to
say more, but we can’t because he is Just Plain Bill. (Stumbles in, acts
out of it.) He has come for … THE GAME! Fourth there is Injun Joe – the
last of the famous Apaches, one of Geronimo’s right hand braves. Strong,
silent, ruthless and just plain mean. The scalps of many men have hung from
his belt, some of them gathered in … THE GAME! (Comes in and sits down,
looks mean. Gaylord deals cards here. Bartender pours drinks.) And finally,
there is Dirty Bert – dirtier than the dirtiest dirt. He was reared by a
grizzly bear, educated by a coyote, whips his horse with a rattle snake. A
rip-snorting, gun-slinging, fist-fighting, tough-skinned galloot and the
most feared hombre west of Pecos. He’s been in so many wars that he is
known in these parts as Pin-Cushion Pete. (Comes in, brushes off dirt –
then pulls arrows out of body, looks at everyone’s cards, then knocks
Manual Labor off chair after taking his cards – when Manual Labor pulls
knife, Gaylord shoots him; bartender drags him out.) Cards are re-dealt.
Then Just Plain Bill starts by sneaking cards. Injun Joe cuts off his hand,
when Bill goes for Joe, Gaylord shoots Bill – bartender drags him out.
Gaylord then hypnotizes Injun Joe and takes the cards he wants fromhim,
then wakes him up (bartender keeps pouring drinks, and while watching game,
pours drink on Honest Tom Foolery’s head). Dirty Bert points out toward
imaginary object, and while all are looking, he takes all cards in the
middle of the table. Start with Injun Joe, and each man gambles more and
more, upping with more money and then objects until finally someone calls.
Then, one at a time each man puts down his cards until Dirty Bert finally
lays down his last card and yells (frustrated) “Oh man, I’m the Old Maid
again this year!” (Use whatever kids’ game kids in club would know).

 

The Lie Detector Skit 2/11/2002
Props: Vase, coin with a
string tied to it (a coin with a hole in it works best). The string should
be invisible to the audience, probably a heavier thread, and a man with the
other end of the string. Requires a boy and a girl and advanced rehearsal.
This play should be reworked so the dialogue fits the school situation, but
the basic idea will remain the same. A large vase that can be broken is on
a table. The boy sits holding the coin, which has a thread long enough so
it can be passed from the boy to the girl and put in the vase. Boy: I don’t
see anything unusual about this coin, yet my friend who gave it to me
insisted that it has magic powers. He said that, when it is placed in a
vase, it serves as a lie detector, and that the bigger the lie, the more
agitated the coin becomes, and if an unusually big lie was told, it might
even explode and break the jar. Well, I’m going to drop it in this old vase
and see what happens. Girl: (entering) Oh, I beg your pardon. I didn’t know
that there was a boy in here. (The coin begins to jump up and down in the
jar as the man behind the curtain pulls the thread). Boy: Oh, that’s right.
I’ve just returned from Arabia and know only a few people here. I’m glad to
have the opportunity to meet you. Are you going with anyone? Girl: Oh,
mercy no. (The coin jumps up and down). Being a student I have always been
so busy with my studies and travels that I have never had time to think
about boys. (The coin starts jumping up and down vigorously.) Boy: I’ve
always been the same way about girls. (The coin jumps.) Girl: Haven’t you
ever been in love? Boy: No, not until this minute (coin jumps). I suspect
that you have had many boyfriends you never even knew about … secret admirers.
Girl: No, I’m sure not. I’ve always been too shy. Boy: You have been lying
to me. Girl: What do you mean? Boy: In that vase on the table, I have
placed a magic coin that a friend gave me. He picked it up in Mesopotamia
and gave it to me when we were on the same boat coming back form the East.
He told me that it would become agitated and jump up and down when anyone
told a lie. I didn’t believe it, but I placed it in the vase just before
you came in, and each time you told a lie, it has jumped up and down in the
vase. (The boy takes the coin form the vase, shows it to her and puts it
back in.) Girl: I don’t believe that this is a magic coin. I would not lie
to a tall, dark, handsome boy like you. (The coin becomes very agitated,
and girl looks surprised.) Boy: This coin is truly a lie detector. You
should be very ashamed of yourself—telling lies about not going with anyone
and never being in love. Why, I have never told a lie in my life! At this
point the boy behind the curtain upsets the table so that the jar is
smashed!

 

The Psychiatrist Skit  
This is a skit that requires
two persons: the psychiatrist and his patient. The scene is the doctor’s
office. The only props needed are a couch (for the patient to lie down on)
and a chair for the doctor. The skit begins with a knock on the doctor’s
door, and he answers it. Man: Oh, ah, hello there … are you Dr.
Kaseltzer, the psychiatrist? Doc: Yes, I am, and that will be $20. What
other questions can I help you with? Man: Well, my name is Mr. Gaspocket
… I have an appointment. Doc: Oh, yes, what’s the nature of your problem?
Man: Well, I’m trying to break—bark! — a nervous habit. Doc: Well, maybe I
can help you. Man: Thanks, doc—bark! Doc: How long has this been going on?
Man: Oh, ever since I was a teenager—bark! Doc: Hmm … Think back. Did a
vicious dog ever frighten you? Man: Huh? I don’t get it. Doc: Well, these
problems can often be traced to a single event. Man: No. This is just
a—bark! — nervous habit. Doc: Have you ever tried to break it? Man: Oh,
yes! I’ve tried lots of things, such as wearing gloves. Doc: Wait a minute.
You’ve tried wearing gloves? Man: Yes, well, you know, I thought if I would
start wearing gloves, I might stop biting my nails. Doc: Biting your nails?
Man: Well, yes. That’s the nervous habit I was telling you about. Doc: You
mean you came to see me just because you bite your nails? Man: Well,
certainly. What else—bark! — what else in the world—bark! — would I have
on my mind? Doc: Maybe you should lie down and tell me all about it. Man:
Well, I’m not allowed on the furniture. Doc: That’s all right, I don’t
mind. Man: Well, all right. You see, one reason I get nervous and bite my
nails is—bark! — because of my mother. Doc: Your mother? Man: Well, she
always makes me sleep on a bunch of newspapers down in the cellar. Somehow,
she got this crazy quirk, you know, she got it in her mind—now you won’t
believe this—but she got to the point that she imagined I went around the
house—now listen to this—that I went around the house barking like a dog!
Doc: You think she imagined this? Man: Well, I know she did. You know, she
finally wrote to a doctor about me … a veterinarian. Doc: Oh really? And
what did he say? Man: I don’t know. I never let the mailman near the
house—bark! Doc: This goes deeper than I thought. I’m going to try the word
association test. I’ll say a word, and you say the first word that comes to
your mind … Table! Man: Chair Doc: Ball Man: Bat Doc: Flower Man: Rose
Doc: Cat Man: Bark! Doc: Dog catcher Man: Bark! Bark! Bark! Doc: I’ll tell
you what. This is going to require some consultation. Why don’t you come in
next Thursday? Man: Oh, no, Doc, couldn’t you make it another day? I don’t
want to miss “Lassie.” Doc: OK, how about Monday night around 7:30? Man:
Nope, that’s Young Life night. Doc: OK, let’s make it Tuesday. Good day,
sir. Man: (exits) Bark! Bark!

 

The Sneak Thief Skit 3/19/2002
Two gentlemen dressed in
business suits walk into a restaurant on their coffee break and sit at a
table covered with a long tablecloth. One has a newspaper under his arm.
They both order coffee, and one pulls out the paper and begins to read. He
shares some of the stories briefly with his friend and then whistles in
surprise: Man 1: (with paper) Did you see this article about the Sneak
Thief? Man 2: No, what happened? Man1: Listen to this (reads aloud).
“Another series of bizarre robberies occurred yesterday in Hudsonville.
Purses, wallets and other items mysteriously disappeared. Police are
baffled and have no clues as to the thief’s identity or how he or she
strikes without being seen. The public is warned to be on their guard until
the thief is apprehended. Man 2: That’s unbelievable! They continue to
talk; the waitress brings the coffee, and one man signs the check. They
drink the coffee quickly. One man looks at his watch and says, “We’d better
get back to the office.” They both rise and walk out minus their pants and
clad in bright colored boxer shorts. (The two should practice getting out
of their pants so that the audience does not notice. The operation is
hidden behind the tablecloth. If loafers are worn, shoes can easily be
slipped off and on again.)

 

The Stand In Skit 2/8/2002
Characters: Director
(wearing a beret, scarf, dark glasses, etc.) Camera Man (with a “movie
camera” of some kind. Try using an old fashioned meat grinder on a tripod
to look like a camera.) Make-Up Man (with a sack of flour and a powder
puff) The Hero (handsome, dressed in white) The Beautiful Girl Bartender
(or soda jerk) The Sucker (the stand-in) The skit begins with an apparent
movie-making set-up. The hero is sitting in a chair, next to the girl,
getting ready to kiss her; the camera man is moving around taking pictures;
the director is directing the action; the sucker is apparently intrigued
with the whole thing, as he has never seen a real movie set before. He
walks in front of the “camera” and interrupts the action. Sucker: Wow, a
real movie. I wish I could be in a movie. Director: (in rage) CUT! CUT!
You! Get out of here! You’ve just ruined a perfect take! Beat it! Scram!
Sucker: (runs off disappointed) Shucks. I sure wish I could be a movie
star. Director: (thinks a second) Hey! Wait a minute! You! (points to the
sucker) Do you want to be in a movie? I think we can use you! (He whispers
something to the Hero, and they both smile.) Sucker: (overjoyed) Really!
Wow! I’m a star! Oh boy! Where do I start? Where are my lines …?
Director: Just wait a minute, and we’ll show you. The action continues, and
the Hero sits again by the Girl, says a bunch of mushy things to her, and
then starts to kiss her. When he does, she brings back her hand to slap the
Hero’s face… Director: Cut! OK, bring in the stand-in! (The Sucker takes
the place of the Hero in the chair) Make-up! (The make-up man comes in and
throws a bunch of flour in the sucker’s face.) Action! The sucker starts to
kiss the girl, and she slaps him across the face so hard that he falls over
backward in his chair. Director: Cut! Great! All right let’s have Scene 2
… Action! The Hero crawls along the floor, crying: “Water, water, give me
some water …” Director: Cut! Bring in the stand-in! (He comes in and
takes the Hero’s place.) Make-up! (Make-up man throws more flour in his
face.) Action! Roll ‘em! The Sucker crawls along the ground and yells
“water.” An off-stage helper brings in a big bucket of water and dumps it
all over him. Director: Cut! Perfect! All right, let’s have Scene 3 …
Action! The Hero walks up to a bar and orders some milk. The Bartender
gives him some milk, and he drinks it. Then he orders some pie. The
Bartender says, “Do you really want some pie?” The Hero says, “Yeah, give
me some pie.” The bartender reaches for some pie … Director: Cut! Bring
in the stand-in! (The Sucker enters looking pretty bewildered at the whole
thing) Make up! (He gets more flour in the face) … Action! The Sucker
stands at the bar, demanding the pie, and the Bartender throws the pie (big
cream pie) in his face. Director: Cut … Perfect … Tremendous! … Well,
that’s it for today! Everybody leaves, leaving the stand-in with a puzzled
look on his face. He shrugs his shoulders and walks off stage.

 

The Witch Skit 2/9/2002
This skit requires two guys.
One is dressed up like a “witch,” with the usual witch-looking apparel: a
black hat and dress, long crooked nose, scraggly wig and a broom. The other
guy is an average but good-looking young man who is extremely depressed and
is about to commit suicide. As the skit begins, we find him ready to end it
all … Man: I can’t take it any longer! I’ve lost my family, my job, my
friends, and my house burned down. Life is not worth living! I’m going to
end it all right now … Witch: (Enters and speaks in a squeaky voice.)
What are you doing, young man? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha (and other witch
sounds). Man: Life just isn’t worth living. I’ve lost all my friends,
family, job and ossessions, and now I’m going to jump off this cliff and
end it all. Witch: Oh no, don’t do that! Man: Why shouldn’t I? Witch:
Because, tee-hee, I’m a witch with magic powers, and I can give you back
everything you lost and more! I’ll grant you three wishes! Tee-hee-hee!
Three wishes! Man: You mean that you can give me three wishes? Wow, that’s
tremendous! I wouldn’t have to end it all! Wait a minute. How do I know
that you are telling me the truth? How do I know you are really a witch?
Witch: Of course, I’m a witch. Don’t I look like a witch? Ha ha ha ha hee
hee hee. I’ll give you your three wishes in exchange for one small favor.
Man: One favor? (skeptical) I knew there must be a catch. What do you want
from me? Witch: Three kisses. It’s a fair exchange. Three wishes for three
kisses! Man: I think I’ll just jump away. Witch: Think of all you’ll be
able to wish for in three wishes! Man: (He finally decides to go ahead with
it, so he takes the witch in his arms and begins to kiss her. After each
kiss, the young man makes a repulsive gesture, spitting each time. Extreme
distaste is shown after the last kiss and with it a great sigh of relief.
The witch, on the other hand, shows extreme enjoyment with each time she is
kissed). OK, now that that is over, I want my three wishes. Witch: First of
all, tell me how old you are, sonny? Man: (He tells her his age.) Witch:
And you still believe in witches at that age? Hahahahaha-hehehehe (exits
laughing to herself).

 

Toothpaste Commercial Skit 3/19/2002
Leader 1: “I like this
toothpaste because it whitens my teeth.” Leader 2: “I like this toothpaste
because it freshens my breath.” Leader 3: “I like this toothpaste because
it fights cavities.” (Everyone uses the same toothbrush and gargles with
the same glass of water.) Leader 4: “I don’t know about the toothpaste, but
I sure like the water.” (The last person drinks the glass of water.)

 

Touch-O-Rama Skit 2/8/2002
This is a “ride” where you
watch the movie on the screen and really feel the action. One guy and girl
walk out in lab coats and each stands behind a chair. Meanwhile, the
announcer pulls up a planted volunteer. The kid sits down in the chair,
puts on 3-D glasses and stares ahead as if watching a movie behind the
crowd. A guy and girl read a movie storyline backstage over microphones
while the lab coats help make it “live” to the volunteer. For example, “Oh
Jim, I’ve missed you so much. I just want to hug you.” (Lab coat hugs him).
You may kiss, slap, throw water on the volunteer to make the most of his
experience. The volunteer may even ham it up and when he begins to fight,
root for him to make up. When they make up, the volunteer gets sick.

 

Tug-O-Skit 3/22/2002
You’ll need a room with two
doors up front or a room divider, which will block out the view of the
audience. This skit should take place while someone else is talking, so
that it distracts the attention of the audience. A boy will come out of the
doors tugging for all he’s worth on a heavy rope. He struggles with this
while pulling it across the stage and out the other door. A second or two
later, as soon as he’s disappeared from sight and while the rope is still
moving across the stage, he reappears in the first door on the other end of
the same rope, except this time he’s pulling vainly against the tugging as
he is dragged across the stage and out the second door.

 

TV News Skit 3/22/2002
Involves six people sitting
in six chairs facing the audience like they are watching the TV news. All
watch intently except the center character, who notices what goes on around
him in a panic. Voice offstage is the TV newscaster. Newscaster: Good
evening ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to WTOV’s 11:00 news! Tonight, a look
at recent surveys and some startling statistics! A survey shows that two
out of every six people will die of heartburn after eating Hardees. (At
this point the two people on the ends (one on each end) clutch themselves
in pain, dropping Hardees food, and writhe to the floor in death and lay
there. No one notices but the center person.) Newscaster: Tests also show
that one out of every four people will choke and drown while drinking a
common bottle of pop. (Person drinks a coke, gags and chokes to death.
Center person starts to panic.) Newscaster: A recent survey shows that one
out of every three people in the United States will be violently mugged at
some point in their life. (An obvious mugger comes in from behind, grabs
one of the end people, knocks them out of their chair, hits them and takes
a watch and wallet, ignoring the other two, and leaves the person there unconscious.)
Newscaster: The National Safety and Driving Council’s latest report shows
that one in every two persons will be in a moving vehicle accident at some
time. (At this, the center man relaxes because they are indoors until motor
and car sounds come over the P.A. and someone on a tricycle zooms in and
runs over other person. When he drives off, the surviving man jumps up to
turn off the TV but before he does, the newscaster breaks in …)
Newscaster: And now for some lighter news. The population explosion is
startling! Every 10 seconds, a woman in the world becomes pregnant. At this
the dude sits down, relieved, with a smile. Then pump up a beach ball under
his shirt by a clear tube out his back and through the curtain into an air
compressor. He screams and turns sideways as it blows up huge … lights out.

 

Water Shortage at the Frat
House Skit
2/8/2002
This is a “picture if you
will” skit of a water shortage at a local frat house. The scene opens with
a glass of water on a table with a sign that reads, “Water out of order,
this is the last glass.” Guys enter one at a time all in jammies as if it
is a mirror and do different things with water. First guy combs hair,
dipping in and out of cup; second guy cleans ears (fake it but have flour
on the Q-tip to cloud water); third guy rinses and spits toothpaste
(frosting); fourth guy shaves (whipped cream); fifth guy comes in to take
aspirin and drinks the water!

 

We Are the World Skit 2/8/2002
You will need uniforms for
everyone. Play the song with all of your leaders acting out and
lip-synching the different parts.

 

Where Did You Come From
Skit
3/19/2002
This skit is a movie theater
scene. One row of people are watching a movie, and one person is on the
ground moaning and screaming in pain. The people try to get the person to
be quiet because he or she is interrupting the movie. After a series of
interaction, someone asks, “Where are you from anyway?” The person answers,
“The balcony.” (As in – he fell from the balcony.)

 

Whistler Precision Drill
Team Skit
2/11/2002
Acquire a copy of the Mitch
Miller album where there is a cut of his choir whistling the theme song to
Bridge Over the River Kwai or Colonel Bogey March. Involve as many guys as
you want. Each must provide a shirt and tie, a jacket and pants, and a pair
of gloves. Stuff the arms of the jacket with paper and attach the gloves to
the end of the arms. For each guy, a hat must be prepared. These are made
out of cloth and heavy cardboard. The brim must be about three feet in
diameter. The hole in the center must be large enough for it to slip over a
guy’s shoulders. The bowl of the hat is made of some cheap cloth but must
be large enough so that a guy can hold his arms over his head and yet have
the brim of the hat come to just below his shoulders. Paint a face on the
naked chest and stomach of each guy with the belly button as the mouth.
Arrange the shirt, tie and jacket around the hips and fasten with pins. The
over-all effect is of some very short guys with very big heads. They then
march around the stage like a precision drill team to one of the above
tunes, acting as if they are doing the whistling by sucking their stomachs
in and out.

 

William Tell or Bohemian
Rhapsody Skit
2/8/2002
You will need all of your
leaders, costumes (garbage bags maybe), a conductor costume and music. Play
the song with different people or groups of people acting like they are
playing the different instruments, with a conductor out front. At the end
everyone falls into a pile.

 

Wind Beneath My Wings Skit 2/8/2002
This may be a good skit for
two seniors to have some fun with you. We have used it to kick off a senior
skit night as a Saturday Night Live-like opening. Explain to the crowd the
tradition and incredible meaning of this night, and how you and two other
seniors have chosen a very serious song to kick things off that you feel
will set the tone for the show. They come and stand on either side of you,
very serious, and you begin to play the guitar. You all begin to sing, “It
must have been cold there in my shadow” (as you finish the line they break
in “You’re as cold as ice …” and throw ice down your back). You yell at
them, and they apologize. You reluctantly go on: “To never have sunlight on
your face.” (They break off into “Sunshine on My Shoulders” as they shine
big flashlights in your eyes). You chew them out more, and then go on. “You
were always one step behind.” (You may have them de-pants you, with some
great shorts on underneath, or smack a “kick me” sign on your behind …
pointing and singing “Moon River”). Same scenario, you go on … keeping
your eyes on them. “You’re everything I wish I could be.” You turn
defensively only to have them looking innocently back at you. You go on
big, “You are the wind beneath my wings!” They lift your arms and use hair
dryers on you. You explode for a final time and ask them, “Why are you
doing this? What do you think this is?” They look at one another and yell,
“Live from Hudsonville, it’s Monday night!” Lights out, Saturday Night Live
music on.

 

YMCA Skit  
You will need five people
for the Indian, cowboy, police, construction worker and army guy. Have them
lead the group singing “YMCA” in Village People style.

 

You Got Me, Buddy Skit 3/19/2002
Materials: Toy gun
(submachine gun is best) Toy gun that shoots or a recording of gunfire
music Gangster clothing Strobe light (optional) The concept we built up was
that two people were sitting in a train (outside of Chicago in the
Carpathian Mountains—facing each other in front of the audience). The train
is moving, and they are bouncing around. A third person enters the train
and jumps out. He is somewhat behind the one passenger and facing the
other. The person says, “ All right, Capone, the gig is up. We’re tired of
yer thievin’, cheatin’ ways! No more will you steal the canes from little
old ladies and take the change out of pay toilets. The gig is up.” To which
Capone can only reply, “All right, Mugsy, give me your best shot!” At this
moment, the gunfire erupts, the lights go off and the strobe light begins.
Everyone is kind of moving around. When the gunfire finishes, Capone says,
“You got me, buddy, you got me, pal, you got me, buddy!” “Then why aincha
dead yet?” queries Mugsy. “Because, you got … pause … me, Buddy!” At
this moment, the other passenger, sitting with his back to Mugsy and
reading a newspaper the whole time, keels over.

 

You Gotta Try This Skit 2/8/2002
(use good judgment on this
one) A family is sitting around the table getting ready to eat. A kid comes
running in and hits his toe on the table. “Oh, this hurts so much! I’ve
never stubbed my toe this hard. I think it’s broke.” He carries on and
says, “You gotta try this and see what I mean! It hurts!” They all get up
and try it. Another family member takes a bite of dinner and burns her
mouth. She spits it out, screaming how hot it is and carrying on and says,
“You all got to try this!” They all do, screaming and burning. Another
takes a swig of some lumpy old sour milk, carrying on how disgusting it is
and saying, “You got to try some of this!” They do and behave similarly.
Scene ends when someone comes in saying, “Oh man, I just got hit by a bus,
every one of my ribs are broken, and I have internal bleeding! You gotta
try this!” They all run out and scream with screeching tires.

 

 

 

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